So for months (ok years now) I've been counting down to difficult child #1's 18th Birthday! Well it's just about finally here. He'll be 18 this Sunday! I thought I'd be so excited and happy but instead I find myself having mixed feelings about it. I'm scared that now that he's an adult he'll make the wrong decisions in life. I'm sad that my "little boy" is gone. I'm sorry that his childhood wasn't better for him. I have regrets and guilt that I'm trying to deal with but it hits me all at once sometimes and literally takes my breath away. On top of him turning 18 Sunday he just graduated from high school this past Tuesday. So it's a double whammy for me this week. It's also hard because the group home he's in is 3 hours away and I won't be able to be with him for his 18th birthday. I sent cards and a package down for him to open on Sunday and we also gave him a very nice graduation/birthday present (new laptop and case) when we went down for his graduation on Tuesday but I still feel sad about not being able to be with him on his birthday. ***Sigh**** Anyway, sorry for the rambling. I'm having a pity party today and I just needed to vent.