Finally posting

[tryin2staysane]

I've been reading on this site for a few months and have learned a lot thanks to all of you awesome people! I am finally getting around to posting (can't post at work, only read) regarding my son.

Background: J (12/25/03) was adopted at birth so we have limited medical history. He was a difficult baby, only would sleep laying on our chests for the first month, was colicky, didn't sleep through the night until he was 16 mths. old. He started showing aggression around 8 mths - his dad was gone for a year at the time, so I blamed it on that. It's just been getting steadily worse; it's like he's stuck in the terrible 2's, if that makes sense.

In August he started having rages - mostly at daycare. Throwing chairs, kicking, biting, scratching, just out of control. Then he started it at home - also telling us he was going to kill us, burn us, etc. He started seeing a psychiatrist/sw - psychiatrist immediately said ADHD and put him on dexadrine - that made him worse. Then depakote - which I think has helped. So now he's on depakote and Focalin. We switched him to a more structured preschool/daycare with a smaller teacher/child ratio. He has done much better there, but still has the rages at home. Most of his anger is towards me; I can do no right and he doesn't want anything to do with me unless dad isn't home. The other night he told me he wants to die. I asked him why, he said he just wants to take a gun and shoot himself...

I contacted his b-mom a few months ago and asked her if there was any mental illness in her or b-dad's family. B-dad has been out of the picture since she was pregnant, but she did tell me that she's bipolar and so is her dad. Also her brother is bipolar and schizophrenic...That would have been nice to know so we could look for signs. Oh well...

We have a neuropsychologist evaluation scheduled next month at Johns Hopkins (thanks to all of y'alls recommendations).

I want to find a new psychiatrist/therapist for him as the people we are seeing now are no help at all. But I don't really know what we're dealing with right now as far as diagnosis.

We've read The Explosive Child and try to implement some of what's in there.

If anyone can offer some insight or suggestions - I'll take whatever I can get!

Thanks!
tryin2staysane

 

[Andy]

I am so glad to hear you have a neuropsychologist evaluation coming up. There has to be more than ADHD coming on. I truly believe that diagnosis is too freely given out without deeper considerations.

It is not normal for a 5 yr old to talk about killing and self harm. He is definitely crying out for help. He is taking it out on you because you are his primary care giver and are paying more attention to his needs than anyone else does. He is trying to give you the clues you need to get him the help he needs.

Let us know how the evaluation goes. He may have ADHD, but if I was a betting person, I would bet a whole deal that other more serious things are going on with him.

 

[BusynMember]

Hi there. in my opinion definitely way more going on than ADHD.
I have four adopted kids and they are always a surprise because, even when we do know the birthparents, they are not always forthcoming about mental health and substance abuse issues, which makes it much hard for professionals to diagnose. It's good that you got in touch with her though and helpful that she told you the truth. You may have some serious challenges ahead as the medical history is difficult. It is probably impossible for anyone to know yet what is wrong with your son, but a neuropsychologist evaluation in my opinion is a huge, good step in the right direction. Was this child exposed to drugs or alcohol in utero? (Unfortunately, this is also something birthmothers often do not admit). Anything on the birthfather? Bring all the history that you have to your appointments. I would go with the Psychiatrist AND the neuropsychologist and for now leave out the therapist. They can't diagnose and, since you don't know what is going on with him yet, the therapist can not know how to approach him either. Just a suggestion, certainly you can do what you like. Glad you're here. Sorry you had to come.

 

[SRL]

Hiand welcome. It sounds like you've been on the ball!

I am getting really frustrated hearing so many stories about pediatricians referring to psychiatrists who do a short assessments and most of the time go with medications, as opposed to more thorough evaluations. I'm not saying that they aren't a valuable part of a treatment plan, but too often it's the first stop.

That being said, if this were my child I would want him seen by a pediatric neurologist given the young age that the aggression started.

 

[tryin2staysane]

Thank you all for the warm welcome. It's so nice to know that you're not the only one with a child "like that".


Regarding the birth father - all we know was he drank a lot, we don't know anything about his mental state or family. I do know he was abusive to the birth mother.

From what we've been told, the birth mother drank until she found out she was pregnant and she tested clean for drugs (thank God!). J didn't show any signs of Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS), but I know there could still be Fetal Alcohol Effects (FAE). That's a good idea about just seeing they psychiatrist for now; I know we still have to see him for the medications, if nothing else.

Thank you all - I feel like I've found a safe place where I won't be judged as a mother.

T