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Substance Abuse
Finally threw down the gauntlet....
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<blockquote data-quote="Mikey" data-source="post: 44370" data-attributes="member: 3579"><p>PonyGirl, re: <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">"If you had just given me money and let me do what I wanted, none of this would've happened."</div></div></p><p></p><p>That's similar to what he said to me as well. He tried to convince me that we were "psycho", and that all his friends and a lot of adults who know us think the same thing.</p><p></p><p>"Friends? You mean your <strong>stoner</strong> friends whose parents allow and condone their pot use? Boy, I sure can see why that group of highly functional people would see us as 'psycho'"</p><p></p><p>He went on to tell me that his friend B has parents more strict than anything we ever dreamed of. B does everything they ask, and is a "happy member of their family"; he cleans his room, washes the dishes, mows the grass, and helps with the family chores. Hangs with the family unit, and everything is happy.</p><p></p><p>B also smokes so much weed that, were he to stop smoking, he has enough THC stored in his body to stay high for a month. He's also dumb as a bucket of rocks because he goes to school stoned (when he goes), and has been socially promoted even though he can't pass a test. He also hasn't kept any job longer than two weeks because he can't make it to work on time (if at all). But hey, his family is "happy", right?</p><p></p><p>Anyway, you can see where this is going. I said "you're talking about the same crackhead parents who wouldn't take B to the hospital for a broken wrist because he wanted to go <em>skateboarding</em>?" "Yep", sez himself. "Okay, I guess what you're really saying is that their whole life his happy because they sold out or gave up and condone his substance abuse; in return, they get a happy, no-drama home life".</p><p></p><p>"Yep", says Sir Pots-a-Lot. "Isn't that what this is all about? Aren't you upset that family life sucks because you're psycho over my using a little weed?"</p><p></p><p>"Uh, so you want me to sell out and let you smoke pot? Not care where you go, who you're with, or what you're doing? And in return, I get a 'happy' family life back? That's what you're saying?"</p><p></p><p>"Yep" says Mr. WeedyBrain. "It works great for all the rest of my friends."</p><p></p><p>At that point, I didn't know what to say other than "Did you get some bad crack?". In short, I told him that he'd manage to build a group of friends from the most dysfunctional people he could find in our little town. Even if they were all the same, they aren't "normal", and I wasn't going to become like them so HE would think I was "normal. </p><p></p><p>I followed with the fact that it wasn't about trying to minimize the drama in the family, it was about trying to do the right thing FOR HIM. I wasn't going to let him take my love and concern for him and twist it into some sick, selfish desire I have to dominate his entire life, and then let him use that demented (and inaccurate) assumption to justify his acting out. </p><p></p><p>You can guess the rest. </p><p></p><p>So, that's it. Truth be told, difficult child's taking a cue from his older brother, who was (and still is) addicted to computer games. For a long time (years), he would spend hours on the computer, then come away grumpy and irritable. We had battles over that like you wouldn't believe. But eventually, Son 1 realized that it was his behaviour towards us after his marathon sessions on the computer that bothered us, not the fact that he was a geek. </p><p></p><p>When Son 1 realized that, he started to change how he treated us. It took him time, but now he's an absolute joy to be around. Still a geek, but he's also adult, responsible, caring, thoughtful, and with a fire in his belly to make something of his life.</p><p></p><p>Trouble is, all difficult child saw was that for two years Son 1 acted like a thorn bush, we left him alone, and he got to do what he wanted. Worked for his brother, so now he's doing the same thing (he even admitted to this). I explained that there was a BIG difference between finally letting his brother go on the computer to keep the peace, and letting HIM go out drugging, partying, and generally breaking the law to keep the peace.</p><p></p><p>Ah, logic. Works so well for a pothead teen, until it doesn't. Then the ODD goes into overdrive, the testosterone poisoning sets in, and nothing else gets accomplished.</p><p></p><p>Buckle 'yer seatbelts, folks, there's a bumpy patch ahead"....</p><p> :grrr: </p><p></p><p>Mikey</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Mikey, post: 44370, member: 3579"] PonyGirl, re: <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">"If you had just given me money and let me do what I wanted, none of this would've happened."</div></div> That's similar to what he said to me as well. He tried to convince me that we were "psycho", and that all his friends and a lot of adults who know us think the same thing. "Friends? You mean your [b]stoner[/b] friends whose parents allow and condone their pot use? Boy, I sure can see why that group of highly functional people would see us as 'psycho'" He went on to tell me that his friend B has parents more strict than anything we ever dreamed of. B does everything they ask, and is a "happy member of their family"; he cleans his room, washes the dishes, mows the grass, and helps with the family chores. Hangs with the family unit, and everything is happy. B also smokes so much weed that, were he to stop smoking, he has enough THC stored in his body to stay high for a month. He's also dumb as a bucket of rocks because he goes to school stoned (when he goes), and has been socially promoted even though he can't pass a test. He also hasn't kept any job longer than two weeks because he can't make it to work on time (if at all). But hey, his family is "happy", right? Anyway, you can see where this is going. I said "you're talking about the same crackhead parents who wouldn't take B to the hospital for a broken wrist because he wanted to go [i]skateboarding[/i]?" "Yep", sez himself. "Okay, I guess what you're really saying is that their whole life his happy because they sold out or gave up and condone his substance abuse; in return, they get a happy, no-drama home life". "Yep", says Sir Pots-a-Lot. "Isn't that what this is all about? Aren't you upset that family life sucks because you're psycho over my using a little weed?" "Uh, so you want me to sell out and let you smoke pot? Not care where you go, who you're with, or what you're doing? And in return, I get a 'happy' family life back? That's what you're saying?" "Yep" says Mr. WeedyBrain. "It works great for all the rest of my friends." At that point, I didn't know what to say other than "Did you get some bad crack?". In short, I told him that he'd manage to build a group of friends from the most dysfunctional people he could find in our little town. Even if they were all the same, they aren't "normal", and I wasn't going to become like them so HE would think I was "normal. I followed with the fact that it wasn't about trying to minimize the drama in the family, it was about trying to do the right thing FOR HIM. I wasn't going to let him take my love and concern for him and twist it into some sick, selfish desire I have to dominate his entire life, and then let him use that demented (and inaccurate) assumption to justify his acting out. You can guess the rest. So, that's it. Truth be told, difficult child's taking a cue from his older brother, who was (and still is) addicted to computer games. For a long time (years), he would spend hours on the computer, then come away grumpy and irritable. We had battles over that like you wouldn't believe. But eventually, Son 1 realized that it was his behaviour towards us after his marathon sessions on the computer that bothered us, not the fact that he was a geek. When Son 1 realized that, he started to change how he treated us. It took him time, but now he's an absolute joy to be around. Still a geek, but he's also adult, responsible, caring, thoughtful, and with a fire in his belly to make something of his life. Trouble is, all difficult child saw was that for two years Son 1 acted like a thorn bush, we left him alone, and he got to do what he wanted. Worked for his brother, so now he's doing the same thing (he even admitted to this). I explained that there was a BIG difference between finally letting his brother go on the computer to keep the peace, and letting HIM go out drugging, partying, and generally breaking the law to keep the peace. Ah, logic. Works so well for a pothead teen, until it doesn't. Then the ODD goes into overdrive, the testosterone poisoning sets in, and nothing else gets accomplished. Buckle 'yer seatbelts, folks, there's a bumpy patch ahead".... [img]:grrr:[/img] Mikey [/QUOTE]
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