Finally visited difficult child, his dad may get custody?

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by wheredidmylittleguygo, May 8, 2007.

  1. I finally got my little heart & mind squared away long enough to visit difficult child. It went....okay? I'm entirely sure what I expected, we sat in the same room but were not allowed to touch each other so I wasn't able to hug him goodbye. He did thank me for coming to visit him. Our visit only lasted 25 minutes because it was a first time visit. In the future we'll only get 15 min.
    He spent most of the time mumbling into his hands (he was biting his nails) and telling me he was going to go live with his dad.

    Last week my sons court appointed lawyer called to say that difficult child wants him to petition the court so he can go live with his dad. Last time they went to court the lawyer asked for a GAL since difficult child is obviously not capable of deciding what's best for him. The court did appoint a GAL but they've never returned my phone calls. Surely with the history difficult child has with-his dad a judge wouldn't let him go & live there.

    I'm reminded of all the chastisng the DXH gave me over the years about rescuing him. Now look who's coming to the rescue. Can this really happen? DXH has abused physically sent difficult child to the hospital twice. The last time difficult child ran away to his house it lasted about a week and ended with DXH kicking him out and telling difficult child he was glad they didn't share the same last names. difficult child was beside himself with anger & sadness.

    Honestly, as bad as it sounds at DXH's home I'd almost rather him go there than to be at this other lockdown facility. Our state doesn't have a minimum security lockdown facility so this is really harsh. He would be in there with kids who've stabbed & killed people. When it comes down to it, I'd choose DXH over this lock down place but I'd choose anything else over DXH.

  2. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    sylvia, it sounds like someone other than you will decide where your son lives. if your son has a habit of breaking things and running away, if his dad abuses him, he will run.

    my son was in a juvenile jail max security for a while til they could decide where to send him as he was a runner. the kids there are pretty scarey, but the guards are tougher. your son may be lonely or scared but he will not be harmed.

    sigh. I know you want his life to be better. God speed that process.
  3. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    by the way I see you are a native american. a tiny bit of my heritage is Natchez. a couple grandma's ago. she was a pipe smoker named Dabo.
  4. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    My brother is 4 years older than me. Our father was physically abusive to him, but not to me. But, I saw it all. I used to cry when my brother would get in trouble because I was afraid for him. When my parents separated my brother was 13 and at first he had nothing to do with my dad. That gradually changed and my brother and my dad became more like buddies. My father was supplying my brother with alcohol and pot at 14. When my mother remarried and moved out of state my brother was 15. My brother stayed with my dad. By that time he had outgrown my dad and was into weight lifting. They would get into fistfights. There was a hole in every door in the house. I haven't had anything at all to do with my dad in 8 years. Now my brother won't speak to me because of that. Go figure.

    It's not uncommon for women to seek out partners who are a lot like their father. It's their way to try to recreate the situation and "fix" it. Maybe for boys/men it's different? Maybe he's still trying to "fix" things? I don't know. Just thinking out loud...throwing some things out there. I'm not saying that it's healthy. Just hypothesizing about what's going on in that head of his.

    by the way, I'm glad you were able to get yourself centered and visit difficult child.
  5. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I don't have any words of wisdom to share with you. Just wanted to let you know I'll be keeping you and difficult child in my thoughts.

  6. DXH got a rather cryptic message from difficult child's lawyer today. Said it wasn't good news but didn't elaborate. DXH has been trying to call him back, we probably won't hear anything until tomorrow.

    I have a feeling neither one of us will get our wish. DXH wants him to live with in his home and I would like him to go back to the lower level Residential Treatment Center (RTC). I think difficult child is heading for lock down for sure.

    Personally I have great news though, working two jobs has paid off in a big way. I've brought my student loans current and as of next month I'll no longer be in default. Got the letter this morning and have been smiling all day. What's that way up in the sky? Oh yeah, its my credit score.
  7. Stella Johnson

    Stella Johnson Active Member

    I really hope he is able to get into Residential Treatment Center (RTC). I don't think any of our difficult child's would be served well or rehabilitated in jail, especially not the kind your difficult child is in.

    Are there police records of Ex beating difficult child?

    Glad to hear your student loans are almost current. Great news!


  8. Yes there are records and I think that may be why he can't get custody. I've been trying to get a hold of DXH on phone but if he heard the bad news he may be sulking and that's why I haven't heard anything.

    difficult child did call and leave a message on my cell phone. He'd like me to come visit him tomorrow and I'll certainly go. His court date is this Wednesday so I'll know his fate then.

    Wish me luck.
  9. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    sylvia, you are going to be alright!