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<blockquote data-quote="Jena" data-source="post: 227329" data-attributes="member: 4514"><p>hi and thanks for the input, i get the general gest of it. I wasn't sure if couples did 50/50 split, or did it based upon how much each makes?? if we do that i'm at a 3 and he's a 10 if you want to use numbers to show ranges <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p><p> </p><p>See here's my issue i'm learning as of late how complicated blending two families can be when it comes to outside family and soon to be finances. He pays a ridiculous amt of child support and maintenance. Now i love the children and would never want his kids to do without. Yet here's the kicker to it all, when we first got together he said when we moved in together I won't be paying the maintenance much longer, we'll look into a house once you settle down with a job and difficult child stablilizes, its' a pure space issue. We are crammed here beyond. My creativity in how to make everything fit is kinda coming to it's end lol.</p><p> </p><p>So, the maintenance was to end over a year ago, yet he still pays it. The deal on record was when his ex took a live in partner which happened almost immediately like a week later!! than he dropped maintenance which makes sense partner would help pay mortgage etc. Well, that never happened. Ex still works her local easy job, her partner still doesnt' contribute (she works from home) and boyfriend is footing the huge huge bill. I said doesnt' it make you mad that we cannot move forward in our lives because your paying for your ex's lifestyle at this point?? the marital home houses his kids, ex, her partner and her 3 kids. He said well I dont' know what to do the kids would do without it if i stopped she'd miss mortgage payments than id' have a bigger crisis on my hands trying to pay off mortgage that she didn't pay.???</p><p> </p><p>I guess i run it from my divorce, we split down the middle we both went on to lead our lives, he remarried and me well i have a healthy fear of marriage yet i moved on, we no longer shared bills i didn't ask for maintenance, etc. He still pays for the ex's car insurance also and get this they still share a cell phone plan that his ex pays. i'm sorry this is weird.</p><p> </p><p>So, every now and again i get frustrated when we speak of finances and my new job and we begin to do our calculations and basically we can't afford to go anywhere. He gives her 75&#37; of his mos. salary, or better. If it were just the child support wed' be truly ready to fly yet this other mos is the greater of the two. by the way she also asks him for loans periodically as well here and there and he gives it because she guilts him it's for the kids.</p><p> </p><p>So i get it it's his issue to handle and get ok with. Yet meanwhile it sort of makes me feel like what's the point i get a job and we still cannot gravitate towards a larger place or a home of our own. I said to him by continuing to pay the maintenance you are enabling her to continue being depenedent on you, do you like that?? his answer is no but i dont' know how to justify cutting it when it means hurting my kids.</p><p> </p><p>As far as mos division of bills the argument will stand that the food bill is mostly my girls and i being he works a million hours a week and is basically hardly ever home except two nights a week and his kids are here two nights a week. Yet i'm thinking if i try to handle half ontop of this huge food bill that'll be that for me. Sure i'll be contributing and helping him which is great after what he's done yet i have my own stuff to take care of also. he'll be walking around with tons extra and i'll be hurting.</p><p> </p><p>iknow i sound silly yet we're going out this coming tuesday to discuss schedules, difficult child, finances. ugh.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Jena, post: 227329, member: 4514"] hi and thanks for the input, i get the general gest of it. I wasn't sure if couples did 50/50 split, or did it based upon how much each makes?? if we do that i'm at a 3 and he's a 10 if you want to use numbers to show ranges :) See here's my issue i'm learning as of late how complicated blending two families can be when it comes to outside family and soon to be finances. He pays a ridiculous amt of child support and maintenance. Now i love the children and would never want his kids to do without. Yet here's the kicker to it all, when we first got together he said when we moved in together I won't be paying the maintenance much longer, we'll look into a house once you settle down with a job and difficult child stablilizes, its' a pure space issue. We are crammed here beyond. My creativity in how to make everything fit is kinda coming to it's end lol. So, the maintenance was to end over a year ago, yet he still pays it. The deal on record was when his ex took a live in partner which happened almost immediately like a week later!! than he dropped maintenance which makes sense partner would help pay mortgage etc. Well, that never happened. Ex still works her local easy job, her partner still doesnt' contribute (she works from home) and boyfriend is footing the huge huge bill. I said doesnt' it make you mad that we cannot move forward in our lives because your paying for your ex's lifestyle at this point?? the marital home houses his kids, ex, her partner and her 3 kids. He said well I dont' know what to do the kids would do without it if i stopped she'd miss mortgage payments than id' have a bigger crisis on my hands trying to pay off mortgage that she didn't pay.??? I guess i run it from my divorce, we split down the middle we both went on to lead our lives, he remarried and me well i have a healthy fear of marriage yet i moved on, we no longer shared bills i didn't ask for maintenance, etc. He still pays for the ex's car insurance also and get this they still share a cell phone plan that his ex pays. i'm sorry this is weird. So, every now and again i get frustrated when we speak of finances and my new job and we begin to do our calculations and basically we can't afford to go anywhere. He gives her 75% of his mos. salary, or better. If it were just the child support wed' be truly ready to fly yet this other mos is the greater of the two. by the way she also asks him for loans periodically as well here and there and he gives it because she guilts him it's for the kids. So i get it it's his issue to handle and get ok with. Yet meanwhile it sort of makes me feel like what's the point i get a job and we still cannot gravitate towards a larger place or a home of our own. I said to him by continuing to pay the maintenance you are enabling her to continue being depenedent on you, do you like that?? his answer is no but i dont' know how to justify cutting it when it means hurting my kids. As far as mos division of bills the argument will stand that the food bill is mostly my girls and i being he works a million hours a week and is basically hardly ever home except two nights a week and his kids are here two nights a week. Yet i'm thinking if i try to handle half ontop of this huge food bill that'll be that for me. Sure i'll be contributing and helping him which is great after what he's done yet i have my own stuff to take care of also. he'll be walking around with tons extra and i'll be hurting. iknow i sound silly yet we're going out this coming tuesday to discuss schedules, difficult child, finances. ugh. [/QUOTE]
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