Finding a birth family

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by ctmom05, Jul 13, 2007.

  1. ctmom05

    ctmom05 Member

    <span style='font-family: Fixedsys'>My husband was adopted, some 54 years ago. He has always been aware of this, as well as knowing the name of the adoption agency that facilitated everything.

    A few short weeks ago, he was contacted by The Cradle agency in Illinois. They shared with him that a birth family member would like to connect.

    Bart is thrilled to have this opportunity. He is proceeding somewhat cautiously, and so far he is exchanging emails with his birth father.

    I am excited and privileged to be part of getting to know Bart's newly found family, which includes 7 siblings on the paternal side! </span>
  2. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Wow! Good luck!
  3. judi

    judi Active Member

    Good luck. I speak from personal experience...I was adopted in KC, MO 46 years ago at the age of almost 2 years. I met my birth mother in 1990. Found out that drugs and alcohol were big in her life. She had gotten into some kind of DUI accident where a death and lawsuit ensued and was still living with those consequences. I kept in touch for a year or so, but she wanted more than I could give.

    Fast forward to 2006 when my birth half-brother calls me and wants to meet. (I have known of him since 1990 - he is 3 years younger and also given up for adoption). We all met in KC, MO last year and I have again kept in contact with everyone.

    Now...I went to visit birthmom last month as part of a business trip and she wanted me to meet her sister who knew nothing of my existence!!! The sister was rude and totally out of control and I left there with a bad taste in my mouth.

    Now...its back to silence and no contact and for that I'm glad. Giving birth doesn't make you a mother.

    At any rate, my advice is to go very very slow and don't expect anything. Then...whatever relationship you get will be a gift. Good luck.
  4. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    Chris, how wonderful! What a great opportunity for Bart and you. A newfound family!

    I'm sure he is smart to proceed cautiously but he must be thrilled. Fingers crossed it goes well.

  5. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I hope the meeting goes well and that your husband is happy with whatever relationship is formed out of the reunion.

    I had an experience similar to judi. I met a half brother three years ago that I guess I sorta knew was around but put out of my mind all these years. For some reason dad thought he was dying and came clean on his past (while he was still married to mom).

    Anyway we met, exchanged pictures, emails, telephone calls and visits for about a year. He wanted more than I could give. I guess I understood that he grew up with no siblings and so was thrilled to find out her had three. For my part I was happy with my family and he was too needy. It put a strain on my family, especially my easy child who could not forgive her grandpa. We haven't talked now in two years. He's made fast friends with my dysfunctional sister who I had to put out of my life years ago because of her crazy behavior.

    So now I will face this issue once again when difficult child wants to meet her birth family. I am afraid what she will find is more dysfunction.

    I hope your experience is wonderful, but proceed cautiously and don't expect too much. A relationship takes time to build so take it slowly. Too many people try to rush it to make up for lost time and I think that is the biggest downfall.

    Good luck, let us know how it goes.

  6. ctmom05

    ctmom05 Member

    The words of caution make sense. So far, Bart is enjoying the connection via email.
  7. judi

    judi Active Member

    I'm glad ctmom05.
  8. Kjs

    Kjs Guest

    My neice was adopted. My sister met the mother, and grandmother. Mother tried to keep her, for 5 months, but was young and wanted college and career. She did give my sister a letter to give to her when she turned 16. My neice is 23 right now and she has always known she was adopted, but at this time in her life she has no desire to find birth mom. She says maybe someday, but not now.

    husband, had awful experience with half sisters. Didn't see them in 40 years, girls were only 1 and 2 when step mom left abusive relationship. When he wrote a letter to one of the girls asking about her and stepmom he was written a very nasty letter telling him to never contact them again. His name brings back bad memories to their mother. He was very sad, he was just a little boy.

    Hope you have good luck.