finding help is really hard

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by AprilCanadian, Jun 4, 2007.

  1. AprilCanadian

    AprilCanadian New Member

    I am in Canada and a year ago after many many tests they said one of my 3 daughters has ODD and my son has ODD severe and Conduct disorder moderate. For the last year I have been going on sprees trying to find out what i do now, specifically tips on parenting children with CD so i can do the best job possible and hopefully turn this thing around. the daughters ODD i find fairly easy to cope with but the CD is harder and its not so much coping myself as that EVERYONE shuts my child out , no one wants him near them , bus drivers threaten to quit, he cant make friends and this makes him sadder even family shuns us becuase they just cant deal with it and i really need to get this under control so he can have friends and see family and know something that is not so lonely. it breaks my heart that no one will play with him. that he is always left out.

    i make hundreds of calls and each call results in different set of numbers who give me more numbers and no one seems to be able to give me a starting point.

    if he had ADHD which is what they were first looking for there would be loads of community information services and support but becuase it is conduct disorder i got nothing.

    Where do you start? its like this magic secret information no one can tell me.

    i have even gone so far as to call child services to ask them if they can help me ...find help for me to better parent my son and they just say they cant help me.

    where do you find help? where do you begin? this city is so short on medical staff the health nurses cant even find me a pediatrician to take us so we can start getting referals to whatever there is to refer to!

    what is step one? where can i find some good information on parenting tactics?

    thank you!
  2. branbran

    branbran New Member

    Hello and welcome. Finding this site was a good start. You will find lots of info here. I have learned alot from all of the wise parents on this site. You will receive lots of support and kind words.

    I can only speak from my experience. I actually got a lot of help from the school and The Board Of Ed. My daughter's first evaluation was done through the school. She ended up in the Boce program and from there I was advised to take her to a children's psychiatric. hospital. for a full evaluation. So I did. I want to tell you to speak to the school psychologist, that's how I got started. However, every school is different. I have had very good experiences with my school district. They helped me alot. I do know people that have gone to their school district for help and instead of helping the school pointed fingers and blamed the parents. So be careful. Since you are having a hard time finding a pediatrician, my suggestion would be to try to find a hospital., most of them have out-patient clinics for mental health.

    Good luck and keep us posted
  3. Alisonlg

    Alisonlg New Member

    First of welcome to the board! I'm sorry for why you had to seek us out, but glad you found us.

    I too found support difficult to find. A great book to get you started is the Explosive Child by Dr Ross Greene.

    I7m sure the others will be along with their welcomes and suggestions shortly.
  4. RobinLaurain

    RobinLaurain New Member

    Do you have a family-organization in your Providence? If you call the Federation of Families for Children's Mental Health-- put that in your search engine--call their toll free number and ask them if they know if your Providence has a family organization. If so, they should be able to help you. Also, if you email your information to, they will help you free of charge, to find the appropriate services that you need. I know I have read
    a great deal on conduct disorder written by doctors from Canada. You may also want to call the nearest University, that has a School of Psychology, and ask them for help. If you decide to contact MACMHC, you will need to give them a list of who you have called and what you have tried as not to duplicate work. I wish you luck. It is difficult to find the comprehensive care that your family needs, but I know you can do it. Good luck!!
  5. OpenWindow

    OpenWindow Active Member

    You've found step one - this site. That's where I started. I read as much as I could.

    in my opinion - the best book to start with is The Explosive Child.

    How old are your kids?

    I also got a lot of help through the school system. In fact that's where difficult child gets most of his services now - even his psychiatrist and therapy is arranged through the school and at the school.

    I'm not familiar with Canada, however. Someone will be along soon who can help you more with those specifics.

    Welcome to the board.

  6. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hi, and welcome. I know very little about Canada. I have a few questions.

    1/What sort of professional diagnosed your child?

    2/Any mood disorders or substance abuse on the family tree?

    3/Any severe social deficits or neurological problems?

    You may want to add a signature like the one I had below.
  7. AprilCanadian

    AprilCanadian New Member

    There is an unsettling amount of people in my family tree, mostly male who committed suicide at an early age, this makes me feel like i need to try really hard to make sure my son does not join them.

    I knew my son had big issues really early and kept taking him to the health nurses during tantrums so someone else could SEE what i was dealing with and that they went beyond the range of normal, but when we would get there he would act all cute. they tried to find me a pedatrition but we have a shortage and were unable to find one for me. i decided to wait for him to get thrown out of kindergarten so i could fight it and demand help as i was told teachers have better resources. thats exactly what happened within a week the school wanted to throw him out. i fought it and they got to work on testing him (to get him out of their hair).

    it took 2 years and being kicked out of a second kindergarten before i had him in a school that has agreed not to expell him and has a good program for behavior modification. That department is great. The principal is not. She keeps threatening me with CPS over inane stuff. ex: if the kids dont have lunches the school buys subway which is much cooler then mums sammiches, upon finding my boys lunch hid i called his teacher, this became routine until i finally asked what are you feeding him when he hides his lunch...AHA...she agreed to stop feeding him subway and that solved the problem BUT a few days later the principal called me to scream at me and accuse me of not feeding my child (why she would think i would send 3 kids with lunches and starve one i dont know. she yelled so much i never got a word in.

    After her most recent threat i thought about it , got angry and wrote a scathing letter threating to pull my kids from the school which finally got all the issues on the table and some attention as well as apologies. hopefully its sorted now and they know i wont tolerate being pushed around.

    my boy has PUFF funding which pays for transportation, and his aides and therapists.

    he was diagnosed by a team of occupational therapists, speach therapists and pyscologists working with his school. they began with the speach issues and then started looking towards ADHD (which my bro has) but it was ruled out and conduct disorder the end result. He has a lower then average iq (80) but i feel they are mistaken on that ...i think he manipulated them on that one he is much smarter then he lets on and i have told them so to deaf ears. the boy could defeat master locks i put on the fridge to keep him from waking up at night and tossing eggs everywhere at age 3~he is smart to the point it scares me so i dont buy the 80 iq! He is taken care of at school and given what he needs there but they have not gave me anything for the parenting end of it, which is what i need. I dont want to blow this, i want a good outcome.
  8. RobinLaurain

    RobinLaurain New Member

    Home based services is what most States in the USA use to help families who have children experiencing a severe emotional disorder.
    Home Base in Michigan includes the following, in-home family therapy, respite care for us so we don't lose our sanity, mentors for all the kids because the siblings need help also, advocacy within the school to help get the appropriate individual education plan, visit with a child psychiatrist and medication, review, and parenting classes. If Canada has this I am not sure, but one would think it must since comprehensive treatment is what is viewed as being needed for our kids. I wrote some suggestions of who to call on a previous post. Good luck yo you.
  9. Ally

    Ally New Member

    Hi April,

    Where in Canada are you?? I am in BC and I do know of some services but they vary from province to province.

  10. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Welcome. I just watched a Canadian documentary that is posted
    on this site. The topic is finding help in the school system
    and it features a Mom advocate with three children. It is worth
    watching. DDD