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Finding peace even though she tries to steal it..
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<blockquote data-quote="Mom2oddson" data-source="post: 339026" data-attributes="member: 65"><p>I don't think we ever stop caring. But I do think we change the relationship somewhat. </p><p></p><p>In order for me to hold onto my sanity, I've had to let go of difficult child-S. It's not that I've stopped loving her or caring about her and hoping for the best for her. But now, it's more like how I feel for my nieces and nephews. I love each of them dearly, but I'm not vested in their lives. Does that make sense to anyone? </p><p></p><p>I've had to step back from my daughter. It hurt every time she refused to return a call or text. Or gave a one work response. It hurt actively watching her throw her life away. So now, I sit back and let her call me if she ever decides to. I hear stories through friends and family about difficult child-S and all of them are about how wonderful and happy she is. And I sit back and am glad that this is what they see, even though I know it's all part of her act (or maybe the drugs...she used to get very happy on some of them). </p><p></p><p>difficult child-A will call or text me several times a week. All his stuff is still at our house, but he chooses to live with different friends. Occassionally he'll come home for a visit to see me. With him too, I'm sitting back and seeing where he's going to go with his life. I'll give him advice if he asks, but I don't make him take it. </p><p></p><p>I think easy child helped me get to this point though. I had to let go when easy child went to an out-of-state college. They are each living their own lives and I'm still a part of it, just not an active part. Kind of like my folks are with me. They are a major part of me and my life, but they are no longer my whole life nor am I theirs.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Mom2oddson, post: 339026, member: 65"] I don't think we ever stop caring. But I do think we change the relationship somewhat. In order for me to hold onto my sanity, I've had to let go of difficult child-S. It's not that I've stopped loving her or caring about her and hoping for the best for her. But now, it's more like how I feel for my nieces and nephews. I love each of them dearly, but I'm not vested in their lives. Does that make sense to anyone? I've had to step back from my daughter. It hurt every time she refused to return a call or text. Or gave a one work response. It hurt actively watching her throw her life away. So now, I sit back and let her call me if she ever decides to. I hear stories through friends and family about difficult child-S and all of them are about how wonderful and happy she is. And I sit back and am glad that this is what they see, even though I know it's all part of her act (or maybe the drugs...she used to get very happy on some of them). difficult child-A will call or text me several times a week. All his stuff is still at our house, but he chooses to live with different friends. Occassionally he'll come home for a visit to see me. With him too, I'm sitting back and seeing where he's going to go with his life. I'll give him advice if he asks, but I don't make him take it. I think easy child helped me get to this point though. I had to let go when easy child went to an out-of-state college. They are each living their own lives and I'm still a part of it, just not an active part. Kind of like my folks are with me. They are a major part of me and my life, but they are no longer my whole life nor am I theirs. [/QUOTE]
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Finding peace even though she tries to steal it..
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