First DBT class last night...

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by ksm, Feb 11, 2016.

  1. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    I was told there are usually 4 or 5 teens and their parents, but it was just us and a teen boy and his dad. I guess a third family,y was expected but did not show. Our topic was Mindfulness... And the three "minds"

    Emotional mind
    Logical/reasoning mind
    Wise mind

    I see that J lives in emotional mind and I am in logical mind. Hopefully we both can get to "wise" mind at times. The problem is, even if I get to "wise" it won't do much good, IF J can't get there! I can understand her emotions, of wanting what she wants, but parents can't always agree, even if they understand their child's point of view.

    Got a couple pages of homework... I hope she does hers. Today she starts her first day at LoneStar.

  2. Childofmine

    Childofmine trying to do this thing one day at a time Staff Member

    That is so great that you are doing this! I found so much relief and support in this type of tool.

    Even if she doesn't do a single thing, this will help YOU and that is all we can ever focus on...ourselves and dealing with our own "stuff" so we can let our adult children deal with their own "stuff."

    Please keep sharing with us what you are learning. It will help us all.
  3. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    I will try to post a mini update after each class. When we were told this is what was suggested to help us, I couldn't find a lot of info from people who are doing it.

    The diagram was two circles, that intersect... So WISE mind is where emotion and logic overlap. I guess at my age, I rely on logic. I have emotions, but they have been stomped on so much I don't lead with emotions. J, on the other hand only seems to have emotional mind. Probably because her reasoning skills are impaired from prenatal alcohol. Sometimes, I feel like I have reasoned with her that she finally gets it. Only to get disappointed because she can't let go, or postpone what she wants...

    Also they spoke about not trying to read someone's thoughts based on your perception. As in, you think your friend is ignoring you when you pass in the hall and she doesn't say hello. The psychologist tried to get the class to think of some other way to think or describe what happened. Instead of jumping to "she's ignoring me, I bet she is mad at me" to notate facts... She didn't look my way... Is she lost in thought? Distracted? Etc. Instead of saying someone has an attitude, it is "they are speaking in a louder voice"

    Not sure how helpful that will be... Not judging based on what you see/heard... But I get what she is saying. But as a long time mom, I know attitude when it is screaming in front of me! LOL! KSM
  4. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Yes but... ok, I've been there too. I've started to learn that it's OK to "see" attitude. But if I base my actions on what I see as attitude... I seldom get results. So I have to go looking for what else is also there. Because that will be the clue to something that I can possibly do something about or at least influence. Attitude? I can't control and rarely can even influence.
  5. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    I am hoping that coping skills come in future classes!! Ksm
  6. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    DBT is to me even a step above CBT but it creates hard and ongoing work. Do continue for yourself even if daughter doesnt. The hard won results are worth it.