First Intervention

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by wantpeace, Mar 10, 2012.

  1. wantpeace

    wantpeace New Member

    We (my easy child and me) had our intervention with my difficult child who is in inpatient over speaker phone yesterday. The rules were that he could only say hello and goodbye and that we needed to stick to the facts of what concerns us about my difficult child's drug use. I'm not sure why, but I've been very angry for the last few days. I had no problem rattling concern after concern after concern. After speaking to my difficult child, the counselor and I had a private conversation. She told me that I'm working way harder than he is and that I need to stop enabling him. She recommended that I get to an alanon meeting as soon as I can. She also told me to read the book Liberated Parents, Liberated Children. Have any of you read it? She makes it sound so simple to just call the police whenever difficult child doesn't follow rules, take away the cell phone, revoke sponsorship on driver's license... I thought I was making a lot of progress with the enabling thing, but I guess I have a long way to go yet.
  2. buddy

    buddy New Member

    wow, that is really intense. I hope they recorded it so they can work on his hearing your concerns. It seems natural and maybe even inevitable that at least at first we as parents would be doing more work. But I love that you are listening to them and working so hard on your own behalf too. That seems so important. It sets a good example for your children in the long run too.

    Hang in there. Hope he can get some benefit from his treatment.
  3. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    Well remember that learning not to enable is a process (to me almost everything is a process lol) and that the therapist is only seeing where you are now, not where you have come from. So lesson is she is seeing you are still enabling and so you have further to go in your process... don't take it as a judgement thing.

    I think that key of not working harder than they are is really important. I need to remember that right now myself..... that reminder that I can't heal him or keep him sober if he doesn't want it for himself.

  4. pinevalley

    pinevalley Member

    I hope that you are not too upset by the intervention, because you and your difficult child are just in the beginning of his recovery, and you are a real warrior mom. You are helping many of us here on this board by sharing this info. I too am very angry at my difficult child right now & I am sure I am working harder at recovery than he is. I am furious that my difficult child would steal from me, but at the same time I am worried about him in jail. Nothing about our difficult child's or drug use is easy! Take care of yourself, and I hope you can get to am Alanon meeting today. HUGS...
  5. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Hugs. In all my years here I have never once read of a difficult child who led the way to recovery. Just doesn't happen. The parents are more invested because we see the future thru sober and experienced eyes. The difficult child's are not only inexperienced...they most often are focused on the friends, the fun, the highs.
    Entirely different perspective. Believe me when I say your feelings are the norm for WM's. True we all have to work on detachment, often in baby steps, but rehab is not like a revival. They don't go in wanting to be saved and most take a long time before they even absorb part of the message. Hugs DDD
  6. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    When my difficult child first went into rehab I was very angry. My anger was so close to the surface that I couldn't talk to her without being angry. I think a lot of parents are at that point and it takes a while for some of that anger to dissipate. It's one of the reason I did not go to the first parent meeting because I needed time for me to not be so raw.

    So I think where you are at is a very normal place. The key now is to make him responsible for working and you to back off. It's not easy, it was hard for me. I was also told to go to al-anon so that I coud learn how to let go of the anger. It does go away. You are doing a great job.

  7. wantpeace

    wantpeace New Member

    Wow! Thanks so much to all of you for the support and encouragement. I surprised myself by feeling angry since I was expecting more sadness and worry. I'm not angry today, just really drained. I'm sure I'll continue to have a rollercoaster of emotions. Your comments help so much!

  8. pinevalley

    pinevalley Member

    Take some time to do something nice for yourself today. Best wishes!
  9. exhausted

    exhausted Active Member

    Good for you being angry! I instead cry and act hurt which is what some difficult children love and learn to use against you. I get angry but I'm so affraid to direct it at difficult child-there have been times when I have felt so angry I wanted to punch her. I think they need to see the feelings in the raw and as far as enabling....who has that down? I like what TL shared a few posts back when she shared information she got from her son's rehab.

    Hang in there, you are doing great!