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First post: Frustrated with dumb advice
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 248474" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>WHile I do my best to not respond aggressively or negatively with idiotic advice (or advice that has been well and truly tried and found wanting) there are also times I want to choke the living whatever out of people who state the bleedin' obvious.</p><p></p><p>Thev trouble is - they have to say it. Because there ARE idiot parents out there who will go to a therapist and whinge, but who haven't yet tried the obvious. I count myself in this - sometimes obvious options get bypassed at an early stage and it can be a long way down the track before someone says, "How did he go when you tried...?" and I look blank because nobody ever told me about it.</p><p></p><p>So for the sake of those rare occasions, I tolerate the bleedin' obvious.</p><p></p><p>However, when I know I'm going to see someone who either keeps re-stating the obvious or who I suspect will throw at us a huge list of "solutions" which we've already ruled out - I prepare my own spreadsheet.</p><p></p><p>On the spreadsheet - I list down one column, the range of things we've tried. (To make my list of what we've tried, I take notes of all the bleedin' obvious ideas that keep getting suggested. Thatr is my raw material starting point).</p><p></p><p>Next column - when it was suggested/tried.</p><p></p><p>Next column - outcome.</p><p></p><p>I do this on the computer, because this file can only grow with time. You don't remove things from it. As ideas are suggested, you add them to the spreadsheet. Because sometimes, something will work, at least a little or for a while. It's ALL valid data.</p><p>Because it's on the computer, I just print out a fresh copy whenever we're seeing someone who I think needs it. It saves so much time and servers two purposes - </p><p></p><p>1) it informs them in detail of what we've tried and how well it worked (or didn't). and</p><p></p><p>2) it sends a message that I'm fed up with stupid suggestions and have developed my own strategy to cut through the time-wasting crud and get down to stuff that has a chance of working.</p><p></p><p>You do need to realise - these people are trying to help. They are desperately hoping that an easy answer will fix things. Because they want to help, they will get disillusioned and feel you're being overly negative, if every idea gets shot down instantly. You do need to not seem too oppositional. I know I would hate it if I were a therapist trying to help, and the person on the other side of the desk was sitting there arms folded, just waiting to shoot down everything I suggest (because that can be how it seems).</p><p></p><p>The therapists need to know that it's worth making suggestions. I also know that although many suggestiopns can seem stupid, sometimes a stupid suggestion can lead to a really good lateral-thinking helpful one. So you need to seem open, even as you try to cut through the obvious stuff to the more useful possibilities.</p><p></p><p>If you can say, "We did try that but it didn't help; however, we did find a little improvement for a week or two when we tried X. Maybe it was because of Y."</p><p></p><p>Something else I have tried - I actually held up my hand with one therapist and said, "Stop. Let's see if this saves time. We have tried ..." and I rattled off the list. Like a verbal spreadsheet. I then continued, "Now, you have a list of what we've already tried, does this speed things up to know we've already eliminated these?"</p><p></p><p>People need to know that you're willing to try things. But I agree, we don't want to be reinventing the wheel each time.</p><p></p><p>I hope this helps.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 248474, member: 1991"] WHile I do my best to not respond aggressively or negatively with idiotic advice (or advice that has been well and truly tried and found wanting) there are also times I want to choke the living whatever out of people who state the bleedin' obvious. Thev trouble is - they have to say it. Because there ARE idiot parents out there who will go to a therapist and whinge, but who haven't yet tried the obvious. I count myself in this - sometimes obvious options get bypassed at an early stage and it can be a long way down the track before someone says, "How did he go when you tried...?" and I look blank because nobody ever told me about it. So for the sake of those rare occasions, I tolerate the bleedin' obvious. However, when I know I'm going to see someone who either keeps re-stating the obvious or who I suspect will throw at us a huge list of "solutions" which we've already ruled out - I prepare my own spreadsheet. On the spreadsheet - I list down one column, the range of things we've tried. (To make my list of what we've tried, I take notes of all the bleedin' obvious ideas that keep getting suggested. Thatr is my raw material starting point). Next column - when it was suggested/tried. Next column - outcome. I do this on the computer, because this file can only grow with time. You don't remove things from it. As ideas are suggested, you add them to the spreadsheet. Because sometimes, something will work, at least a little or for a while. It's ALL valid data. Because it's on the computer, I just print out a fresh copy whenever we're seeing someone who I think needs it. It saves so much time and servers two purposes - 1) it informs them in detail of what we've tried and how well it worked (or didn't). and 2) it sends a message that I'm fed up with stupid suggestions and have developed my own strategy to cut through the time-wasting crud and get down to stuff that has a chance of working. You do need to realise - these people are trying to help. They are desperately hoping that an easy answer will fix things. Because they want to help, they will get disillusioned and feel you're being overly negative, if every idea gets shot down instantly. You do need to not seem too oppositional. I know I would hate it if I were a therapist trying to help, and the person on the other side of the desk was sitting there arms folded, just waiting to shoot down everything I suggest (because that can be how it seems). The therapists need to know that it's worth making suggestions. I also know that although many suggestiopns can seem stupid, sometimes a stupid suggestion can lead to a really good lateral-thinking helpful one. So you need to seem open, even as you try to cut through the obvious stuff to the more useful possibilities. If you can say, "We did try that but it didn't help; however, we did find a little improvement for a week or two when we tried X. Maybe it was because of Y." Something else I have tried - I actually held up my hand with one therapist and said, "Stop. Let's see if this saves time. We have tried ..." and I rattled off the list. Like a verbal spreadsheet. I then continued, "Now, you have a list of what we've already tried, does this speed things up to know we've already eliminated these?" People need to know that you're willing to try things. But I agree, we don't want to be reinventing the wheel each time. I hope this helps. Marg [/QUOTE]
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