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Parent Emeritus
First post; what you'd call a "difficult child" here, wanting perspective from parents like mine
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<blockquote data-quote="Signorina" data-source="post: 553786"><p>Hey Stalln.</p><p></p><p>Thank you for you post. You've given me a look inside my own son from his perspective. All the things I've said to him I am about to write to you. I hope that - since they come from a stranger on the internet - you may take them to heart. I know my own son hasn't. And by reading you post; I get the impression that while your common sense is telling you that your parents only want to help - you are bristling under what you perceive as them suffocating you - and you resent their mixed messages of disapproval of you and support of you.</p><p></p><p>And that's what I want to focus on. That mixed message. Because after reading your post; I see that I am probably doing the same with my kid. He is certainly reacting in much of the same way by bristling. And I can't get thru to him - but maybe I can get thru to you.</p><p></p><p>You are making a mess out of your life. And you need to stop making it worse. <strong><em>Because, this too shall pass. </em></strong>And at 23, this mess is basically all you know of adulthood. A brief period of success followed by this spiral into mental illness and drug use and failure. <strong>BUT THIS IS NOT YOUR WHOLE LIFE! </strong>That life lies ahead. This transition period/age is hard for most everyone. Yes, you are struggling more than most. But your parents just want you to get to the other side; get you landed in adulthood safely, be able to launch yourself. This mixed message they are sending is about that. They are trying to show you that they love YOU, they support YOU, they want what's best for YOU and they do not support your lifestyle, your drug use, the choices you are making. But they are trying to preserve your FUTURE choices, your life ahead, YOU - so that when all of this is resolved, you can go forward in your life without permanent scars from these bad choices dragging you down.</p><p></p><p>And in writing that; I realize how ridiculous it sounds. And I don't know you, I don't know your parents - I am writing this because it is what I am doing with my own son. They are just trying to get you back on track - trying to let you know they love you unconditionally; that they are not rejecting YOU; they are rejecting the path you are on. So please, as a mom - I beg you to cut them some slack. I know you don't need a lecture; and I am sorry if I am coming across as giving one and I hope you won't tune me out. If you've read the back posts here; you know how much we moms agonize over our kids who are struggling. It's because we love them. And we want what's best for them. And sometimes we (I) feel that if we can just get them over this hump; they will live happily ever after. And it's worth everything to us.</p><p></p><p>I am very worried about you. Your life is VERY MUCH worth living. You reached out here, you reached out to us. You have a lot of empathy and you are a beautiful writer; with a ton of insight and compassion. The world needs more people like you. </p><p></p><p>Take the good advice from the other posters. Think about printing out your posts and showing them to a mental health professional, even to your parents. Your college must have mental health services available to students. Go there. You are not alone. People care. There is help available. Your life is worth living. And <em><strong>THIS TOO SHALL PASS. </strong></em>The way you feel now isn't forever. </p><p></p><p>We are here and we care. </p><p></p><p>PS: PLEASE drop the classes. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE take "W"s or "INC"s instead of "F"s. You may want to return to classes or college someday. And you won't be able to with zeros in your GPA.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Signorina, post: 553786"] Hey Stalln. Thank you for you post. You've given me a look inside my own son from his perspective. All the things I've said to him I am about to write to you. I hope that - since they come from a stranger on the internet - you may take them to heart. I know my own son hasn't. And by reading you post; I get the impression that while your common sense is telling you that your parents only want to help - you are bristling under what you perceive as them suffocating you - and you resent their mixed messages of disapproval of you and support of you. And that's what I want to focus on. That mixed message. Because after reading your post; I see that I am probably doing the same with my kid. He is certainly reacting in much of the same way by bristling. And I can't get thru to him - but maybe I can get thru to you. You are making a mess out of your life. And you need to stop making it worse. [B][I]Because, this too shall pass. [/I][/B]And at 23, this mess is basically all you know of adulthood. A brief period of success followed by this spiral into mental illness and drug use and failure. [B]BUT THIS IS NOT YOUR WHOLE LIFE! [/B]That life lies ahead. This transition period/age is hard for most everyone. Yes, you are struggling more than most. But your parents just want you to get to the other side; get you landed in adulthood safely, be able to launch yourself. This mixed message they are sending is about that. They are trying to show you that they love YOU, they support YOU, they want what's best for YOU and they do not support your lifestyle, your drug use, the choices you are making. But they are trying to preserve your FUTURE choices, your life ahead, YOU - so that when all of this is resolved, you can go forward in your life without permanent scars from these bad choices dragging you down. And in writing that; I realize how ridiculous it sounds. And I don't know you, I don't know your parents - I am writing this because it is what I am doing with my own son. They are just trying to get you back on track - trying to let you know they love you unconditionally; that they are not rejecting YOU; they are rejecting the path you are on. So please, as a mom - I beg you to cut them some slack. I know you don't need a lecture; and I am sorry if I am coming across as giving one and I hope you won't tune me out. If you've read the back posts here; you know how much we moms agonize over our kids who are struggling. It's because we love them. And we want what's best for them. And sometimes we (I) feel that if we can just get them over this hump; they will live happily ever after. And it's worth everything to us. I am very worried about you. Your life is VERY MUCH worth living. You reached out here, you reached out to us. You have a lot of empathy and you are a beautiful writer; with a ton of insight and compassion. The world needs more people like you. Take the good advice from the other posters. Think about printing out your posts and showing them to a mental health professional, even to your parents. Your college must have mental health services available to students. Go there. You are not alone. People care. There is help available. Your life is worth living. And [I][B]THIS TOO SHALL PASS. [/B][/I]The way you feel now isn't forever. We are here and we care. PS: PLEASE drop the classes. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE take "W"s or "INC"s instead of "F"s. You may want to return to classes or college someday. And you won't be able to with zeros in your GPA. [/QUOTE]
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First post; what you'd call a "difficult child" here, wanting perspective from parents like mine
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