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<blockquote data-quote="Malika" data-source="post: 427909" data-attributes="member: 11227"><p>I read this thread and thought "some good advice"... How are things going with your little boy right now, Amy?</p><p>I did think, reading "seriously"'s post... "Oh my goodness, that feels like a world away from mine..." I feel a sense of admiration for this level of discipline and consistency but... such an approach just doesn't work with my son. Presumably that is true for others too? Consquences in the sense of punishment just make him angry, hostile and confrontational - consequences in the sense of he mops up the drink he has spilled on the floor, that he accepts and I enforce. Trying to send him to his room for a time out, the few times I tried it, was a joke - he raged, threw things around, kicked the door, wouldn't stay in unless I held it shut which of course made me stressed and angry. Like living in a battle zone!!! </p><p>I don't have any punishment system with J. I get cross with him when he has done something "wrong" and/or we talk about it. He gets gold stars if he has done something "good". I sometimes say "1,2,3" when I want him to come or to do something and he usually comes after the 3 - even though nothing actually happens after the 3. If I ask him politely and respectfully to do what I would like, he complies - most of the time. Treating him like I think and expect he is going to be good and kind and reasonable seems to make him good and kind and reasonable... </p><p>And then sometimes this system, such as it is, all goes out the window and he will be naughty, disrespectful, uncontrollable, whatever... and I get stressed and uncertain again. But one thing is for sure... Punishing him for misbehavior just does not work.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Malika, post: 427909, member: 11227"] I read this thread and thought "some good advice"... How are things going with your little boy right now, Amy? I did think, reading "seriously"'s post... "Oh my goodness, that feels like a world away from mine..." I feel a sense of admiration for this level of discipline and consistency but... such an approach just doesn't work with my son. Presumably that is true for others too? Consquences in the sense of punishment just make him angry, hostile and confrontational - consequences in the sense of he mops up the drink he has spilled on the floor, that he accepts and I enforce. Trying to send him to his room for a time out, the few times I tried it, was a joke - he raged, threw things around, kicked the door, wouldn't stay in unless I held it shut which of course made me stressed and angry. Like living in a battle zone!!! I don't have any punishment system with J. I get cross with him when he has done something "wrong" and/or we talk about it. He gets gold stars if he has done something "good". I sometimes say "1,2,3" when I want him to come or to do something and he usually comes after the 3 - even though nothing actually happens after the 3. If I ask him politely and respectfully to do what I would like, he complies - most of the time. Treating him like I think and expect he is going to be good and kind and reasonable seems to make him good and kind and reasonable... And then sometimes this system, such as it is, all goes out the window and he will be naughty, disrespectful, uncontrollable, whatever... and I get stressed and uncertain again. But one thing is for sure... Punishing him for misbehavior just does not work. [/QUOTE]
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