Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Fit to be tied...
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 576099" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>I know how exasperating it is, believe me. Now that he is in the condo, seemingly making attempts to live independently, are you and your husband clear on what you are now willing to do and what you aren't willing to do? Your son has some issues, however he completed college and holds a part time job. It's difficult to navigate through our adult children's mental illness', it takes some serious negotiating with ourselves and then them. I may have already made this suggestion, but NAMI, National Alliance on Mental Illness has chapters all over and offers parent support groups as well as lots of excellent information for the families. In order for us to stay sane under these challenging circumstances, it usually becomes necessary to practice some kind of detachment, getting clear on exactly what our boundaries are and keeping ourselves in supportive environments where OUR needs are met. </p><p></p><p>You did a good thing getting him his own place so you are not responsible for him in all ways. Now he needs to find the life skills to care for himself. I've found that you have to really dig around to find support where mental illness is involved, but it is out there. Little by little we parents stop the enabling part and recognize the difference between loving support/kindness and codependent behavior which hurts both you and him. A therapist I knew described the difference between loving kindness and enabling as with loving kindness you feel good, with enabling you feel bad, resentful, angry, etc. That's helped me distinguish the difference because as parents of kids with mental issues, it can all get mixed up and we get confused and think we need to help them in <u>all </u>ways. But that robs them of the ability and the self respect of finding their own way. As Janet here says, <em>you have to let them go to let them grow.</em> And, I understand how hard that is too. </p><p></p><p>You seem to be moving along the detachment path at a steady pace.........it does tend to go sideways sometimes, it clearly isn't a linear path, there is love involved, our parental expectations, their actual abilities, our grief over what is lost, our angers about their failure to launch, the impact on the family, and on and on it goes......I feel for you, I know how you feel. You're doing what most of us here do, the best you can, always trying to find ways to help your son while at the same time forcing him to be responsible for himself. No easy task. Sigh. Keep posting, it really helps. We do really get it. (((HUGS)))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 576099, member: 13542"] I know how exasperating it is, believe me. Now that he is in the condo, seemingly making attempts to live independently, are you and your husband clear on what you are now willing to do and what you aren't willing to do? Your son has some issues, however he completed college and holds a part time job. It's difficult to navigate through our adult children's mental illness', it takes some serious negotiating with ourselves and then them. I may have already made this suggestion, but NAMI, National Alliance on Mental Illness has chapters all over and offers parent support groups as well as lots of excellent information for the families. In order for us to stay sane under these challenging circumstances, it usually becomes necessary to practice some kind of detachment, getting clear on exactly what our boundaries are and keeping ourselves in supportive environments where OUR needs are met. You did a good thing getting him his own place so you are not responsible for him in all ways. Now he needs to find the life skills to care for himself. I've found that you have to really dig around to find support where mental illness is involved, but it is out there. Little by little we parents stop the enabling part and recognize the difference between loving support/kindness and codependent behavior which hurts both you and him. A therapist I knew described the difference between loving kindness and enabling as with loving kindness you feel good, with enabling you feel bad, resentful, angry, etc. That's helped me distinguish the difference because as parents of kids with mental issues, it can all get mixed up and we get confused and think we need to help them in [U]all [/U]ways. But that robs them of the ability and the self respect of finding their own way. As Janet here says, [I]you have to let them go to let them grow.[/I] And, I understand how hard that is too. You seem to be moving along the detachment path at a steady pace.........it does tend to go sideways sometimes, it clearly isn't a linear path, there is love involved, our parental expectations, their actual abilities, our grief over what is lost, our angers about their failure to launch, the impact on the family, and on and on it goes......I feel for you, I know how you feel. You're doing what most of us here do, the best you can, always trying to find ways to help your son while at the same time forcing him to be responsible for himself. No easy task. Sigh. Keep posting, it really helps. We do really get it. (((HUGS))) [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Fit to be tied...
Top