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Fix me, Mom Part II
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<blockquote data-quote="flutterbee" data-source="post: 166613"><p>Thank you all so much for your support. I just feel so sad tonight. I keep replaying the events of the last few weeks and I should have seen it. Hindsight is 20/20. I really thought what I was seeing was anxiety and some depression stemming from the anxiety, but I was really floored by tonight's events. It almost seemed surreal. I was just absolutely dumbfounded.</p><p></p><p>And I had all of these thoughts running through my head. It really took me back to when I was her age. I wasn't much older than her when I had my first major depressive episode. And, you know, I desperately wanted someone to help me because I didn't know how to help myself, but I would have fought it tooth and nail, too. She's so much like me. She doesn't want anything to be wrong with her. She told me tonight that's why she doesn't want to do therapy. The thought of going makes her feel helpless. She is in so deep and is so young that she doesn't realize that it will empower her. </p><p></p><p>I'm just going back now and second guessing myself. The tdocs always told me not to make her come if she didn't want to. They want a willing participant otherwise they know it's not going to be effective. But, something has to change. This isn't living for her. This is existing. </p><p></p><p>Tonight is the night for me to feel sad, kick myself and lick my wounds. And throw up a time or two. Tomorrow I put on the armor, start making phone calls and finding services. I need to let myself grieve tonight.</p><p></p><p>She has calmed down considerably. She's now back to <em>her</em> normal. After she calmed down, I left to go to the store to get some dog food. She didn't want to come with, but I told her that my shoulder is hurting (true) and that I would need help (I could have managed). I wasn't comfortable leaving her alone and I wanted to get her out of the house and have a bit of a distraction.</p><p></p><p>Thank you so much for your support and for holding me up through this. I'm really leaning on you guys tonight.</p><p></p><p>(((hugs)))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="flutterbee, post: 166613"] Thank you all so much for your support. I just feel so sad tonight. I keep replaying the events of the last few weeks and I should have seen it. Hindsight is 20/20. I really thought what I was seeing was anxiety and some depression stemming from the anxiety, but I was really floored by tonight's events. It almost seemed surreal. I was just absolutely dumbfounded. And I had all of these thoughts running through my head. It really took me back to when I was her age. I wasn't much older than her when I had my first major depressive episode. And, you know, I desperately wanted someone to help me because I didn't know how to help myself, but I would have fought it tooth and nail, too. She's so much like me. She doesn't want anything to be wrong with her. She told me tonight that's why she doesn't want to do therapy. The thought of going makes her feel helpless. She is in so deep and is so young that she doesn't realize that it will empower her. I'm just going back now and second guessing myself. The tdocs always told me not to make her come if she didn't want to. They want a willing participant otherwise they know it's not going to be effective. But, something has to change. This isn't living for her. This is existing. Tonight is the night for me to feel sad, kick myself and lick my wounds. And throw up a time or two. Tomorrow I put on the armor, start making phone calls and finding services. I need to let myself grieve tonight. She has calmed down considerably. She's now back to [I]her[/I] normal. After she calmed down, I left to go to the store to get some dog food. She didn't want to come with, but I told her that my shoulder is hurting (true) and that I would need help (I could have managed). I wasn't comfortable leaving her alone and I wanted to get her out of the house and have a bit of a distraction. Thank you so much for your support and for holding me up through this. I'm really leaning on you guys tonight. (((hugs))) [/QUOTE]
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