Follow up on difficult child visiting

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by dstc_99, Apr 10, 2014.

  1. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    I got a call from difficult child late at night about two weeks ago saying she needed us to change her ticket and get her out here ASAP. She and boyfriend were fighting and she needed to get away or she would just stay with him. So I was able to change her flight and get her out here without too much added expense. As soon as she got the tickets she called to tell me she need to change her return date because three weeks wasn't going to work for her. I told her once she got here we could pick a return date.

    Anyway the visit has basically gone fine. I don't ask much and I don't give advice. I reply when asked and don't dig too deep. I'm not holding back I'm just not digging in. LOL

    THEN…. difficult child mentioned she needed her wisdom teeth removed and I said she could do it while she is here. No big deal other than the cost. I must have had temporary insanity because difficult child's in pain are not fun. Especially difficult child's who are now back with their boyfriend and find out mom and dad are having a hard time affording sending her back to the boyfriend when she wants. As soon as husband mentioned sending her home on a different date or the original date because of the money, she shut down and retreated to the bedroom with a slamming door. Granted this is an old house so some of the doors do stick and sound like they are being slammed when they are just being closed.

    I left her alone. No point in poking the bear right. LOL husband checked the difference in prices and it is almost $400 to change the flight. Her chosen date is closer to a full $400 for the change. I told him either don't change the date at all ….or…..bite the bullet and do it on her date. $50 bucks difference won't kill us.

    Mainly I just hate the fact that I changed the original flight and a trip we had planned to make this happen for her and now we are paying $400 extra to send her home. I left it to husband though and he paid the price for the date she wanted. I don't want to be in the middle and the financial change is something that will affect the summer trip he is ADAMANT we have. His money his issue. I don't need the drama.

    Hopefully now that husband has given her what she wants life will remain somewhat pleasant for the remaining 2.5 days.
  2. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    Good for you keeping your calm.
  3. Scent of Cedar *

    Scent of Cedar * Well-Known Member

    I had the same thought as pasajes. You are staying remarkably calm; you are detaching from many opportunities to have dug in with both husband and difficult child.

    I am glad you posted, 99. Something tells me no one at your house is applauding your strength and resilience through this challenging time.

    We are. We see, 99. Great job!

  4. tryagain

    tryagain Active Member

    99, that sounds so much like my difficult child daughter has acted at times when she wasn't being compliant with her medications. I agree, you are doing a great job. We have to "pick our battles". And some just aren't worth fighting.
  5. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    Thanks guys! We are dropping her off at the airport now. Other than some minor grumbles we have had no issues. She is talking about possibly moving here to start fresh which I think might be a good idea. We shall see.

    Sent using ConductDisorders mobile app
  6. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Sounds as if the visit was a success. You did a really good job at staying centered. Often for me as well, silence is the best response, just not to engage with the drama. Good job dstc.
  7. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    Well check that. The grumpy evil one has returned. Lol

    She isn't happy that she has a long layover. She can't stand being around a bunch of people either. I'm just sitting back and staying out of the way. Gotta fight the urge to give advice and or ask questions. That would get me in trouble big time.

    Sent using ConductDisorders mobile app
  8. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    Well the proverbial poo has hit the fan! We got the flight day wrong and they set her up on Standby flights. She just got bumped off her connecting flight and won't be flying out until midnight. She didn't know what to do and so she called. I gave her some ideas and the phone cut out. She is NOT happy and she is not using her happy voice.

    I gave the phone to husband and told him to handle the rest. ARGGH!!!!
  9. Albatross

    Albatross Well-Known Member

    I hope everything worked out, 99! I too think you did an awesome job of maintaining your sense of calm. I'm glad the visit for the most part went well.