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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 451445" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>husband & I went to a wedding today. A difficult child wedding. It was difficult child 1's best friend (Aspie) and the bride has been on the scene as a friend of ours too, for years. She suffers form anxiety and clinical depression. I met her mother today for the first time and she was very open about the family history of clinical depression. Told me she is stable on medications, so is her sister, but their mother (bride's grandmother) suffers with it but is in denial - will not consider it, cannot accept it, won't talk about it. But is miserable and makes everyone else miserable too because she's not coping.</p><p></p><p>My point - some people are ill-equipped to accept a diagnosis like this in the family. And sometimes the diagnosis is in the parent too, in some form.</p><p></p><p>Another interesting observation form today - the groom's mother was looking for the right place to sit. She was about to sit up the back but husband & I made her sit up the front. Very front row. She said, "I can't sit there, I'll be in people's way. Someone else more important to the service should sit there."</p><p>"Like who?" we said. "You're the groom's mother, the bride's family are in the front row just over there, your seat is here up front. Grab the rest of your family too, there is room."</p><p>We actually sat in the second row in order to make her stay put. She's a lovely lady, but very unsure of herself and reluctant to put herself forward. She never fought battles for her son, I actually fought them for him as I simultaneously fought them for difficult child 1. I dragged both of them to college enrolment, walked them both through it then dragged them in to meet the disability counsellors. I even liaised with the disability counsellors over the phone. </p><p></p><p>Some parents can't be warriors, they don't know how, or if they are told they need to be, they feel inadequate to the task. I wonder if Jane is like this - a decent person (like the groom's mother today) but just doesn't know what to do or where to start, doesn't feel she has a right to be an advocate for her child, and hence it is easier to downplay any problem and shove it under the carpet.</p><p></p><p>difficult child 3 has a friend who was diagnosed high-functioning autistic at age 4, largely because I got involved and found therapists etc. I arranged for the boy and his mother to come with me and difficult child 3 to a neuropsychologist, who did assessments on both boys on the same day. But the mother has never told the school, and doesn't want to make waves. When she met resistance from teachers, this parent caved and backed down. I fought the exact same teachers and knew that this mother had every right to ask for help for her son and that it was wrong for the teacher to make the mother feel she had no rights.</p><p></p><p>Some parents choose the path of least resistance because for them, life has taught them that this is what they must do.</p><p></p><p>Very sad, really. I don't know if Jane really is like this, or if there are other issues. But I've found that I have had to stay friends but keep my fingers out of their business. THEY have to own the situation, otherwise nothing will be achieved. I've helped in little doses, as much as they could handle, then backed off when I saw the barricades begin to slam up. Little by little, is all we can do.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 451445, member: 1991"] husband & I went to a wedding today. A difficult child wedding. It was difficult child 1's best friend (Aspie) and the bride has been on the scene as a friend of ours too, for years. She suffers form anxiety and clinical depression. I met her mother today for the first time and she was very open about the family history of clinical depression. Told me she is stable on medications, so is her sister, but their mother (bride's grandmother) suffers with it but is in denial - will not consider it, cannot accept it, won't talk about it. But is miserable and makes everyone else miserable too because she's not coping. My point - some people are ill-equipped to accept a diagnosis like this in the family. And sometimes the diagnosis is in the parent too, in some form. Another interesting observation form today - the groom's mother was looking for the right place to sit. She was about to sit up the back but husband & I made her sit up the front. Very front row. She said, "I can't sit there, I'll be in people's way. Someone else more important to the service should sit there." "Like who?" we said. "You're the groom's mother, the bride's family are in the front row just over there, your seat is here up front. Grab the rest of your family too, there is room." We actually sat in the second row in order to make her stay put. She's a lovely lady, but very unsure of herself and reluctant to put herself forward. She never fought battles for her son, I actually fought them for him as I simultaneously fought them for difficult child 1. I dragged both of them to college enrolment, walked them both through it then dragged them in to meet the disability counsellors. I even liaised with the disability counsellors over the phone. Some parents can't be warriors, they don't know how, or if they are told they need to be, they feel inadequate to the task. I wonder if Jane is like this - a decent person (like the groom's mother today) but just doesn't know what to do or where to start, doesn't feel she has a right to be an advocate for her child, and hence it is easier to downplay any problem and shove it under the carpet. difficult child 3 has a friend who was diagnosed high-functioning autistic at age 4, largely because I got involved and found therapists etc. I arranged for the boy and his mother to come with me and difficult child 3 to a neuropsychologist, who did assessments on both boys on the same day. But the mother has never told the school, and doesn't want to make waves. When she met resistance from teachers, this parent caved and backed down. I fought the exact same teachers and knew that this mother had every right to ask for help for her son and that it was wrong for the teacher to make the mother feel she had no rights. Some parents choose the path of least resistance because for them, life has taught them that this is what they must do. Very sad, really. I don't know if Jane really is like this, or if there are other issues. But I've found that I have had to stay friends but keep my fingers out of their business. THEY have to own the situation, otherwise nothing will be achieved. I've helped in little doses, as much as they could handle, then backed off when I saw the barricades begin to slam up. Little by little, is all we can do. Marg [/QUOTE]
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