witzend
Well-Known Member
Well, I figured I would follow up on how things went at lunch with L. We made some small talk and kept things light. I had to ask to see her ring. She wouldn't let me hold it.
I told her I was sorry that there was a misunderstanding about the dress and I was still looking forward to helping her with other preparations for her wedding. (There was no misunderstanding about the dress.) She told me that she felt that I didn't deserve to help her with her wedding. She said that I had never been much of a mother to her and I didn't deserve any special recognition. I kept it light and asked her who it was that came to every soccer game and school function when she was young, and she said that I had been. She said that we had not had a very good time from the time she was about 12 years old, and I assured her that most mothers and daughters have a rough time at that age and it was a good time to move on from that.
She told me that Dr. C, the pseudo-psychiatrist who lied repeatedly under oath about me was more of a mother to her than I was because one time Dr. C came to her house at 11 at night and took care of her when she wasn't well. I asked if she remembered who came to her house at 1 in the morning because she was ill and fevered and took her home to take care of her when she was 23. She said it was me, but that she didn't want me to be any part of her wedding other than a guest.
I gave it one last college try, and told her that I thought that this would be a good opportunity to spend time getting to know each other again and that I could take her to buy a trousseau and favors for the guests at the wedding, help get hair done and nails, that kind of thing. She said she didn't want to do those things with me, she wanted to do them with her sister. She further said that it would take years to get our relationship on the right track and she has no desire in it. I told her I wasn't sure what it was that had gone so wrong between us, and she said it's because I don't get along with my parents or sisters, so obviously I can't be trusted. I told her I was terribly hurt and very sorry that she felt that way, paid the bill and left. No voices were raised, no harsh words (by me) were used.
husband sent her the following text:
I sent her dad and Dr. C a note explaining what was offered and declined, and told them both that I didn't care how much they wanted to pretend that they regretted what they had done over the years to sabotage our relationship (he's pulled the "I was a real s--- back then and I did things I'm not proud of" on me several times over the last few years) they had never done anything to fix it, and that when they see that L has not included me as her mother at her wedding (we won't be attending but I didn't say that) they should know deep down in their hearts that this is on them, not on me.
At least I didn't have to stretch out some charade for four months.
I told her I was sorry that there was a misunderstanding about the dress and I was still looking forward to helping her with other preparations for her wedding. (There was no misunderstanding about the dress.) She told me that she felt that I didn't deserve to help her with her wedding. She said that I had never been much of a mother to her and I didn't deserve any special recognition. I kept it light and asked her who it was that came to every soccer game and school function when she was young, and she said that I had been. She said that we had not had a very good time from the time she was about 12 years old, and I assured her that most mothers and daughters have a rough time at that age and it was a good time to move on from that.
She told me that Dr. C, the pseudo-psychiatrist who lied repeatedly under oath about me was more of a mother to her than I was because one time Dr. C came to her house at 11 at night and took care of her when she wasn't well. I asked if she remembered who came to her house at 1 in the morning because she was ill and fevered and took her home to take care of her when she was 23. She said it was me, but that she didn't want me to be any part of her wedding other than a guest.
I gave it one last college try, and told her that I thought that this would be a good opportunity to spend time getting to know each other again and that I could take her to buy a trousseau and favors for the guests at the wedding, help get hair done and nails, that kind of thing. She said she didn't want to do those things with me, she wanted to do them with her sister. She further said that it would take years to get our relationship on the right track and she has no desire in it. I told her I wasn't sure what it was that had gone so wrong between us, and she said it's because I don't get along with my parents or sisters, so obviously I can't be trusted. I told her I was terribly hurt and very sorry that she felt that way, paid the bill and left. No voices were raised, no harsh words (by me) were used.
husband sent her the following text:
"Your MOTHER just called and told me what went down at lunch. What the F - - - are you thinking? Do you have ANY idea of what she has gone through for YEARS just to be a part of your life? You are a shallow, self-centered little brat who just stuck a knife through the heart of the woman I love most in the world. At least we know where we stand."
I sent her dad and Dr. C a note explaining what was offered and declined, and told them both that I didn't care how much they wanted to pretend that they regretted what they had done over the years to sabotage our relationship (he's pulled the "I was a real s--- back then and I did things I'm not proud of" on me several times over the last few years) they had never done anything to fix it, and that when they see that L has not included me as her mother at her wedding (we won't be attending but I didn't say that) they should know deep down in their hearts that this is on them, not on me.
At least I didn't have to stretch out some charade for four months.
I feel so sad for you. good for husband for sticking up for you. i wonder if when she has kids if it is going to finally hit her that there is no love like a mom's love. She actually DOES sound shallow and also maybe pretty manipulated by those around her. the Dr? sounds pretty much like she crosses boundaries that should not be professionally crossed. When I was in treatment for eating disorders, there was a nurse who fell in love with me. I thought she was just being a "big sister" kind of mentor.... I was totally naieve and had no clue she was a lesbian. I dont have a problem with that but i am not and she took advantage of my emotional state at that time. convinced me i should have thanksgiving with her and her s/o who was blindsided by how she felt about me... Finally she told the truth and got in a lot of trouble through her work and my psychiatrist reported her. 
