Football--a love/hate relationship

[JJJ]

I agree with the don't allow kids to quit. But, it doesn't work here. Eeyore joined cross country last year as did Piglet. Within one week, Eeyore was announcing that he wanted to quit. Within two weeks, Piglet was begging us to let him quit. Eeyore acted totally inappropriately and was offending everyone. The coaches suspended him from running in a meet, we took away his DS, then Wii, then all screen time. He was grounded from everything but school and cross country. By the fourth week, we let him quit because it wasn't fair to Piglet, the coaches nor the rest of the team to force him to be there. His therapist said that he was willing to take every punishment we had because he was obsessed with quitting.

It is very upsetting to husband and I that he is a quitter. We are now at the point that we will not pay for any activity and we will not let him participate in limited-enrollment clubs at school (not fair to take a spot from another kid).

I'm glad he went today and I hope he likes it as they start games.

 

[gcvmom]

How do we "make" them if they don't want to? Well, it's complicated. First of all there's the initial family philosophy/brainwashing that when we promise to do something, we don't back out, even if we don't like what we're doing. That's something we've preached since day one -- you make a commitment, you stick with it and then next time, you can consider things more carefully if you truly don't like what you've signed up for. It's not about whether you LIKE what you're doing or us as parents trying to MAKE you like it, it's what you SAID you would do and that it affects other people too.

So with that as a foundation, it's a little easier to negotiate things with someone who's balking. Like Dazed said, we also know each kid's "currency" -- what motivates them. And we leverage the hell out of that.

We also try to appeal to their sense of "how would you feel if...?" We try to pump up their confidence and stroke their ego if that's applicable to the situation. We pare the situation down to a smaller bite -- let's just go to one more practice/game and see how it goes... Usually once they get there, they forget a little about not wanting to be there.

Then again, my kids are getting older and better at counter-negotiating with us, so it may not be so easy to influence them for much longer. But then that means they're getting to the point where they need to take responsibility for their decisions, even if the outcome is negative (we talk a lot about consequences for choices around here).

So that's my strategy as an evil, controlling parent!

 

[TerryJ2]

Evil and controlling, BWAHAHAHAAHAHAHA~~~!!!

I wish I were. Sigh.

I'm in the boat with-the others who take away Ipods, PS2s, etc. Whatever works.

He's got a friend at the house now. I'm curious if the friend will want to watch practice. Two hrs is a long time!

 

[TerryJ2]

He went to practice tonight, in the rain, very happy that his friend was coming along for a short time. His friend stayed and watched through the fence for 1/2 hr and then I drove him home.
When difficult child got home, they talked on the phone so I'm sure they talked about the conditioning and practice. That was really nice of his friend to stay.
VERY good moral support. Especially since he used to play, and knew all the equipment and how to snap the chin strap and helmet and everything. I hope we're over the hump.

 

[maril]

How nice for him to have the moral support. I hope he is over the hump, too!

When you mentioned rain, it made me think of how some guys really like to play football in the rain and mud - cracks me up. Then there's the moms, who have to wash the uniforms caked with mud after the rainy games (ugh)! Lots of fun, lol. Well, guess there's a lot of fields with turf these days, so maybe mud is not much of a worry!

 

[AnnieO]

When you mentioned rain, it made me think of how some guys really like to play football in the rain and mud - cracks me up. Then there's the moms, who have to wash the uniforms caked with mud after the rainy games (ugh)! Lots of fun, lol. Well, guess there's a lot of fields with turf these days, so maybe mud is not much of a worry!

We're about half and half with the turf and grass here. Strangely enough, I rarely have to worry about mud - I don't know why. Just on the cleats. But Jett is really getting into it now, since they're letting him be the QB occasionally. I think that's who he's being. I still don't know.

Tell difficult child - Jett is rooting for his team! I told him about it and he told me, "Practice [hoovers] but it's worth it when we win!!!"

...They won their scrimmages last night...

 

[TerryJ2]

Thank you!

They have their first scrimmage on Saturday, in a nearby city. It will all be worth it, then.

Meanwhile, it's laundry time. We have difficult child walk straight into the laundry room and strip right there. Ewww.

 

[lizanne2]

Yeah, hopefully this is good sign. Good kid, that friend of his.

 

[TerryJ2]

Yeah, in that sense.
But he's a pest. (See my thread on the cell ph bill).
Sigh.