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General Parenting
Football--a love/hate relationship
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<blockquote data-quote="gcvmom" data-source="post: 297081" data-attributes="member: 3444"><p>How do we "make" them if they don't want to? Well, it's complicated. First of all there's the initial family philosophy/brainwashing that when we promise to do something, we don't back out, even if we don't like what we're doing. That's something we've preached since day one -- you make a commitment, you stick with it and then next time, you can consider things more carefully if you truly don't like what you've signed up for. It's not about whether you LIKE what you're doing or us as parents trying to MAKE you like it, it's what you SAID you would do and that it affects other people too.</p><p> </p><p>So with that as a foundation, it's a little easier to negotiate things with someone who's balking. Like Dazed said, we also know each kid's "currency" -- what motivates them. And we leverage the hell out of that. </p><p> </p><p>We also try to appeal to their sense of "how would you feel if...?" We try to pump up their confidence and stroke their ego if that's applicable to the situation. We pare the situation down to a smaller bite -- let's just go to one more practice/game and see how it goes... Usually once they get there, they forget a little about not wanting to be there. </p><p> </p><p>Then again, my kids are getting older and better at counter-negotiating with us, so it may not be so easy to influence them for much longer. But then that means they're getting to the point where they need to take responsibility for their decisions, even if the outcome is negative (we talk a lot about consequences for choices around here).</p><p> </p><p>So that's my strategy as an evil, controlling parent! <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite7" alt=":p" title="Stick Out Tongue :p" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":p" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="gcvmom, post: 297081, member: 3444"] How do we "make" them if they don't want to? Well, it's complicated. First of all there's the initial family philosophy/brainwashing that when we promise to do something, we don't back out, even if we don't like what we're doing. That's something we've preached since day one -- you make a commitment, you stick with it and then next time, you can consider things more carefully if you truly don't like what you've signed up for. It's not about whether you LIKE what you're doing or us as parents trying to MAKE you like it, it's what you SAID you would do and that it affects other people too. So with that as a foundation, it's a little easier to negotiate things with someone who's balking. Like Dazed said, we also know each kid's "currency" -- what motivates them. And we leverage the hell out of that. We also try to appeal to their sense of "how would you feel if...?" We try to pump up their confidence and stroke their ego if that's applicable to the situation. We pare the situation down to a smaller bite -- let's just go to one more practice/game and see how it goes... Usually once they get there, they forget a little about not wanting to be there. Then again, my kids are getting older and better at counter-negotiating with us, so it may not be so easy to influence them for much longer. But then that means they're getting to the point where they need to take responsibility for their decisions, even if the outcome is negative (we talk a lot about consequences for choices around here). So that's my strategy as an evil, controlling parent! :p [/QUOTE]
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