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For 18 years I worried about this reunion
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<blockquote data-quote="Nancy" data-source="post: 306083" data-attributes="member: 59"><p>It's a shame Lisa that we have to wait so many years before lessons are learned, but I'm glad your cousin finally learned them.</p><p></p><p>Nomad I think you are very correct about her not being use to putting other's needs before her own.</p><p></p><p>LOL Janet, you crack me up!</p><p></p><p>Star I agreed with what you said when you first commented on bm's reaction and I agree with you now too. I tried to look at it from her perspective and give her the benefit of the doubt but I thought her reaction was strange. I thought she would have been very sad for difficult child and willing to do anything she could to help. Instead she just threw up her hands and had the attitude that it was bound to happen. Well then why the heck didn't she warn us if she was so sure of that????</p><p></p><p>I don't understand how she can not want a chance to meet difficult child and help her. I have the letters she wrote years ago telling us how she was going to come and find difficult child when she was 18 and that she loved her more anything in the world and how she lived for the day she could be reunited. Obviously she found other things to live for that were more important to her. Four years ago we gave her the change to help difficult child when difficult child was sent to detention and she never followed through. I don't know why I thought it would be different now. I can't imagine anything being more important than getting that paperwork in so that she could finally meet difficult child. There would be nothing that could stop me and that's what she claimed 18 years ago. </p><p></p><p>I really have no desire to talk to her. I was hoping that she could help difficult child by putting aside her own needs and digging deep inside herself and having her motherly instinct kick in. I shudder to think of what would have happened to difficult child if she had not placed her for adoption so for that I am grateful.</p><p></p><p>I will not make any other attempt to contact her and if difficult child ever wants to find her she will have to go through the courts on her own. I don't know why I thought she could help. I guess I knew in my heart there was very little chance of that but I still hoped that she could say something to difficult child to help her. If we had never exchanged letters after the adoption I may feel differently. But I read those tearful letters for years and had to live with the guilt that we were raising her child and she resented us for that. If she was going to walk away at age 18 she should have done it from the beginning and spared us all the wondering.</p><p></p><p>I know I sound harsh. I too have a lot of empathy for those birthmothers who place their children for adoption so that they may have a better life. I am just so bitter that she was given two opportunities to put difficult child's needs before her own and she couldn't even do that. I wish difficult child knew this but of course I can't tell her. Even if I did she would still find some way to blame us for this.</p><p></p><p>Nancy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nancy, post: 306083, member: 59"] It's a shame Lisa that we have to wait so many years before lessons are learned, but I'm glad your cousin finally learned them. Nomad I think you are very correct about her not being use to putting other's needs before her own. LOL Janet, you crack me up! Star I agreed with what you said when you first commented on bm's reaction and I agree with you now too. I tried to look at it from her perspective and give her the benefit of the doubt but I thought her reaction was strange. I thought she would have been very sad for difficult child and willing to do anything she could to help. Instead she just threw up her hands and had the attitude that it was bound to happen. Well then why the heck didn't she warn us if she was so sure of that???? I don't understand how she can not want a chance to meet difficult child and help her. I have the letters she wrote years ago telling us how she was going to come and find difficult child when she was 18 and that she loved her more anything in the world and how she lived for the day she could be reunited. Obviously she found other things to live for that were more important to her. Four years ago we gave her the change to help difficult child when difficult child was sent to detention and she never followed through. I don't know why I thought it would be different now. I can't imagine anything being more important than getting that paperwork in so that she could finally meet difficult child. There would be nothing that could stop me and that's what she claimed 18 years ago. I really have no desire to talk to her. I was hoping that she could help difficult child by putting aside her own needs and digging deep inside herself and having her motherly instinct kick in. I shudder to think of what would have happened to difficult child if she had not placed her for adoption so for that I am grateful. I will not make any other attempt to contact her and if difficult child ever wants to find her she will have to go through the courts on her own. I don't know why I thought she could help. I guess I knew in my heart there was very little chance of that but I still hoped that she could say something to difficult child to help her. If we had never exchanged letters after the adoption I may feel differently. But I read those tearful letters for years and had to live with the guilt that we were raising her child and she resented us for that. If she was going to walk away at age 18 she should have done it from the beginning and spared us all the wondering. I know I sound harsh. I too have a lot of empathy for those birthmothers who place their children for adoption so that they may have a better life. I am just so bitter that she was given two opportunities to put difficult child's needs before her own and she couldn't even do that. I wish difficult child knew this but of course I can't tell her. Even if I did she would still find some way to blame us for this. Nancy [/QUOTE]
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