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For Cedar or anyone: My dad did it again...
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 650896" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Thanks, Cedar. We have shared so much. I knew you'd get it and make me feel better.</p><p></p><p>I really can't say who did what here. I do not think my father told my sister maliciously about this. He doesn't understand...maybe he thinks that if I had it, I MUST have cancer and he wanted to nudge her to do get in touch with me because she "should." That is how he thinks. He's no hero, Cedar. The man is a full blown narcissist. When you read the traits, you don't wrinkle your forehead and think, "Well...is he really??? I mean, in some ways...maybe he has traits..." You don't do that. You say, "OMG! THAT IS HIM!" He isn't a very nice man, but he is my dad and 90 years old and I don't like that he told her, but he certainly can keep a secret. You know what bugs me the most about this? When my mother had a brain tumor, it was a huge secret from me and nobody was EVER supposed to tell me. Nobody ever did...she did during one of the times I called her to try to kiss up to her. Now my father knew. He had a sick fixation with her, even after the divorce and a new girlfriend. But he never told me. Years and years slipped by and he never slipped up one time. Not once. Never. And he was only an ex to this woman, who kicked him out of her life and never had a good word to say about him. And he knew. He never tells me about my ex-siblings, which is good. I don't want to know. But he doesn't.</p><p></p><p>Now we come to Sis. Sis is a lot like Mom so she certainly can and does manipulative and scheme. But if she didn't know about the surgery, she couldn't have baited it out of him because she wouldn't have known to do it. Now on the text, I agree it was totally malicious. She did not have to bring up my father at all. It was deliberate. I already know that she is completely despicable. She has hurt everyone in our family of origin at one time or another, yet excuses herself because she tends to "right" it on her terms and in her own time. Pardon me for being so verbose. Your posts bring the need to vent out <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> So here is one example that she won't acknowledge.</p><p></p><p>My grandmother favored me and had no problem telling me that and she acted like it. My grandmother and me were close until her death. If she didn't call me every day, I called her. We loved to talk about our mutual favorite soap operas. We talked about everything. She used to vent about how horrible my mother treated her, although she did not disinherit her. Now Grandma was a troublemaker too, but for most of my life she was good to me. Sis didn't speak to her for so long that Grandma would say, sadly, "I wouldn't know A. if she walked past me on the street."</p><p></p><p>About three years before my grnadmother died, Sis regained contact, probably to please Mother or to look good to her fiance. Sis, if talked to about it, will exaggerate the yers that she actually came back to Grandma. No matter. She was gone forever and it hurt Grandma a lot, even though she was never the favored grandchild of Grandma.</p><p></p><p>After Grandma died, I came to Grandma's house while the two of them were cleaning out her things. They ignored me and Sis was bawling like she had missed somebody she had been very close to all her life. And when talking to her about the long absent gap she dismissed it and said, "Well, Grandma loved me and was ok with me and we were close at the end." Probably, but not like me and Grandma were. So what does Mother do? This is a lady who was extremely cheap, by the way. She upholstered Grandma's furniture and gave it to my sister. Yep. She did. I got nothing from Grandma's apartment. Of course, nobody can take away the love and memories and the knowledge that we WERE close and that without her I would never have known ANY love.</p><p></p><p>But, anyway, that is my sister and how hse works. She also didn't invite my brother to her wedding because he was "too ugly and looks gay. I don't want my friends to see him." Now they are BBFs. He forgave her. He believes her story to him that she was always concerned about him (because he was so sick with Crohns) but was only mean because she was afraid she'd lose him so she distanced herself or some other crapola she told him. She was SO MEAN to him and about him and, I am very sorry to say, that during my less stable years, at least to her face, I went along with her. I mean, I wanted Sissy to love me, like I wanted Mommy to love me. And one way to do it was to agree with her about Bro being too ugly to invite to the wedding. If I'd had the balls I have today, I would have told her off and not gone myself, but I was too screwed up and selfish back then. There. I admitted it.</p><p></p><p>It's amazing what people buy from her. Nobody wants to be on a bully's bad side. No excuse for me though.</p><p></p><p>At one point she didn't see my father for over a year and got stalled on a highway out of town and I had to contact my dad for her so that she could be rescued by him. Yay, I tried to be a good big sister. She would tell you I teased her with Bro when she was young and I did. But it stopped when she turned thirteen. Again, no excuse for me. I was a screwed up, depressed kid with no friends and jealous of my pretty, popular sister and my mother would not fight for Sis at the time. She was not worthy yet...she was still being ignored rather than exalted as another golden child. Once I developed a relationship with my sister, I did try to be there for her, but she doesn't seem to remember...oh, well.</p><p></p><p>She dumped me and came back 100 times...lololol.</p><p></p><p>She left her husband. After the divorce, her son and husband still all lived together in a new place. She claims it's the new normal and exes live together all the time without having sex...for economical purposes. If she says it's the new normal, by God it is!!!! Anyhow, she almost deserted her son to be with both a married lover at first then her abusive boyfriend who she may still be with at this time. I don't care. I don't want to know. Yet her son is a sweetheart and forgives her too.</p><p></p><p>Seems like people like this get forgiven, like my mother and Sis. Maybe others feel honored to be on their good side because so many aren't. I haven't figured it out yet. They do have a way of making YOU feel as if you are the bad guy. I felt that way for a long time. Like she SHOULD have done that to me. They are good at the guilt trip.</p><p></p><p>Anyhow, I am happy to report that I did not dwell on this too long. Right now my father has not called me since he had a major upheaval at me and I am not going to call him. I know this sort of family tiff upsets him and frankly I don't care if he's 102...I don't need to hear abuse from anybody. I sent him a short letter. It was not as all forgiving as last time because I did hold him accountable, but it was also kind in tone. However, what he does is up to him. I can't worry about that now.</p><p></p><p>I haven't posted it yet (I will), but I"m going to MIssiouri for a week soon and I have to get ready. My grandson is the driving factor there as we have been skyping a lot and he wants me to come. Nobody will be home most of the time except me. Bart works. I am actually looking forward to it. I know how to deal with Bart and to keep him in a good mood and I haven't seen the little guy for years. Plus it is 70 degrees there. I'll take it.</p><p></p><p>Thanks for your feedback. It is always thought provoking and wise.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 650896, member: 1550"] Thanks, Cedar. We have shared so much. I knew you'd get it and make me feel better. I really can't say who did what here. I do not think my father told my sister maliciously about this. He doesn't understand...maybe he thinks that if I had it, I MUST have cancer and he wanted to nudge her to do get in touch with me because she "should." That is how he thinks. He's no hero, Cedar. The man is a full blown narcissist. When you read the traits, you don't wrinkle your forehead and think, "Well...is he really??? I mean, in some ways...maybe he has traits..." You don't do that. You say, "OMG! THAT IS HIM!" He isn't a very nice man, but he is my dad and 90 years old and I don't like that he told her, but he certainly can keep a secret. You know what bugs me the most about this? When my mother had a brain tumor, it was a huge secret from me and nobody was EVER supposed to tell me. Nobody ever did...she did during one of the times I called her to try to kiss up to her. Now my father knew. He had a sick fixation with her, even after the divorce and a new girlfriend. But he never told me. Years and years slipped by and he never slipped up one time. Not once. Never. And he was only an ex to this woman, who kicked him out of her life and never had a good word to say about him. And he knew. He never tells me about my ex-siblings, which is good. I don't want to know. But he doesn't. Now we come to Sis. Sis is a lot like Mom so she certainly can and does manipulative and scheme. But if she didn't know about the surgery, she couldn't have baited it out of him because she wouldn't have known to do it. Now on the text, I agree it was totally malicious. She did not have to bring up my father at all. It was deliberate. I already know that she is completely despicable. She has hurt everyone in our family of origin at one time or another, yet excuses herself because she tends to "right" it on her terms and in her own time. Pardon me for being so verbose. Your posts bring the need to vent out :) So here is one example that she won't acknowledge. My grandmother favored me and had no problem telling me that and she acted like it. My grandmother and me were close until her death. If she didn't call me every day, I called her. We loved to talk about our mutual favorite soap operas. We talked about everything. She used to vent about how horrible my mother treated her, although she did not disinherit her. Now Grandma was a troublemaker too, but for most of my life she was good to me. Sis didn't speak to her for so long that Grandma would say, sadly, "I wouldn't know A. if she walked past me on the street." About three years before my grnadmother died, Sis regained contact, probably to please Mother or to look good to her fiance. Sis, if talked to about it, will exaggerate the yers that she actually came back to Grandma. No matter. She was gone forever and it hurt Grandma a lot, even though she was never the favored grandchild of Grandma. After Grandma died, I came to Grandma's house while the two of them were cleaning out her things. They ignored me and Sis was bawling like she had missed somebody she had been very close to all her life. And when talking to her about the long absent gap she dismissed it and said, "Well, Grandma loved me and was ok with me and we were close at the end." Probably, but not like me and Grandma were. So what does Mother do? This is a lady who was extremely cheap, by the way. She upholstered Grandma's furniture and gave it to my sister. Yep. She did. I got nothing from Grandma's apartment. Of course, nobody can take away the love and memories and the knowledge that we WERE close and that without her I would never have known ANY love. But, anyway, that is my sister and how hse works. She also didn't invite my brother to her wedding because he was "too ugly and looks gay. I don't want my friends to see him." Now they are BBFs. He forgave her. He believes her story to him that she was always concerned about him (because he was so sick with Crohns) but was only mean because she was afraid she'd lose him so she distanced herself or some other crapola she told him. She was SO MEAN to him and about him and, I am very sorry to say, that during my less stable years, at least to her face, I went along with her. I mean, I wanted Sissy to love me, like I wanted Mommy to love me. And one way to do it was to agree with her about Bro being too ugly to invite to the wedding. If I'd had the balls I have today, I would have told her off and not gone myself, but I was too screwed up and selfish back then. There. I admitted it. It's amazing what people buy from her. Nobody wants to be on a bully's bad side. No excuse for me though. At one point she didn't see my father for over a year and got stalled on a highway out of town and I had to contact my dad for her so that she could be rescued by him. Yay, I tried to be a good big sister. She would tell you I teased her with Bro when she was young and I did. But it stopped when she turned thirteen. Again, no excuse for me. I was a screwed up, depressed kid with no friends and jealous of my pretty, popular sister and my mother would not fight for Sis at the time. She was not worthy yet...she was still being ignored rather than exalted as another golden child. Once I developed a relationship with my sister, I did try to be there for her, but she doesn't seem to remember...oh, well. She dumped me and came back 100 times...lololol. She left her husband. After the divorce, her son and husband still all lived together in a new place. She claims it's the new normal and exes live together all the time without having sex...for economical purposes. If she says it's the new normal, by God it is!!!! Anyhow, she almost deserted her son to be with both a married lover at first then her abusive boyfriend who she may still be with at this time. I don't care. I don't want to know. Yet her son is a sweetheart and forgives her too. Seems like people like this get forgiven, like my mother and Sis. Maybe others feel honored to be on their good side because so many aren't. I haven't figured it out yet. They do have a way of making YOU feel as if you are the bad guy. I felt that way for a long time. Like she SHOULD have done that to me. They are good at the guilt trip. Anyhow, I am happy to report that I did not dwell on this too long. Right now my father has not called me since he had a major upheaval at me and I am not going to call him. I know this sort of family tiff upsets him and frankly I don't care if he's 102...I don't need to hear abuse from anybody. I sent him a short letter. It was not as all forgiving as last time because I did hold him accountable, but it was also kind in tone. However, what he does is up to him. I can't worry about that now. I haven't posted it yet (I will), but I"m going to MIssiouri for a week soon and I have to get ready. My grandson is the driving factor there as we have been skyping a lot and he wants me to come. Nobody will be home most of the time except me. Bart works. I am actually looking forward to it. I know how to deal with Bart and to keep him in a good mood and I haven't seen the little guy for years. Plus it is 70 degrees there. I'll take it. Thanks for your feedback. It is always thought provoking and wise. [/QUOTE]
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