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For Cedar or anyone: My dad did it again...
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 651020" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Cedar, thank you. You're right.</p><p></p><p>Just because I had challenges, I do think support and love and encouragement would have made me see myself differently so that I may not have felt the need to go along with how difficult sister treated my brother. After all, if my mother had shown unconditional love for me, I would have probably not felt I had to piggyback on sister for approval. Furthermore, if my mother had not said things such as "Stay thin" and "Girls don't have to be bright, they just have to be beautiful" perhaps my sister would not have been so acutely aware that my brother's illness made him look pretty strange and maybe she would not have made fun of him for the way he looked. Maybe we all would have been friends. Maybe, instead of a developing a so-far-life-long eating and body image disorder, my sister would value herself for who she is and not for how skinny she is or how pretty men find her. Maybe, maybe, maybe.</p><p></p><p>None of that happened, but I see why all of us were so desperate to be in anyone's favor. And so quick to make sure somebody with our DNA loved us. Brother was Golden Child. Perhaps if my mom had not kissed the floor he walked on, he would not feel SHE was the one who was victimized. There was no balance with her. We kids were all good or all bad and it affected us as children. And we all know that our childhood follows us through our entire lives.</p><p></p><p>We, on this board, have differently wired children and we still love them.</p><p></p><p>Thank you for this clarity. I never thought of it before. I just thought about how I became the black sheep because I was difficult with problems beyond my control, but, in the back of my mind, I thought, "Because I was bad." I wasn't bad. I was a little girl who needed guidance and coping skills and nobody saw it except for my grandmother. Or they didn't care.</p><p></p><p>This post you gave me was a gift. Thank you again. I will always think this now when I tell myself, "You were a rotten kid and that's why you were the black sheep."</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 651020, member: 1550"] Cedar, thank you. You're right. Just because I had challenges, I do think support and love and encouragement would have made me see myself differently so that I may not have felt the need to go along with how difficult sister treated my brother. After all, if my mother had shown unconditional love for me, I would have probably not felt I had to piggyback on sister for approval. Furthermore, if my mother had not said things such as "Stay thin" and "Girls don't have to be bright, they just have to be beautiful" perhaps my sister would not have been so acutely aware that my brother's illness made him look pretty strange and maybe she would not have made fun of him for the way he looked. Maybe we all would have been friends. Maybe, instead of a developing a so-far-life-long eating and body image disorder, my sister would value herself for who she is and not for how skinny she is or how pretty men find her. Maybe, maybe, maybe. None of that happened, but I see why all of us were so desperate to be in anyone's favor. And so quick to make sure somebody with our DNA loved us. Brother was Golden Child. Perhaps if my mom had not kissed the floor he walked on, he would not feel SHE was the one who was victimized. There was no balance with her. We kids were all good or all bad and it affected us as children. And we all know that our childhood follows us through our entire lives. We, on this board, have differently wired children and we still love them. Thank you for this clarity. I never thought of it before. I just thought about how I became the black sheep because I was difficult with problems beyond my control, but, in the back of my mind, I thought, "Because I was bad." I wasn't bad. I was a little girl who needed guidance and coping skills and nobody saw it except for my grandmother. Or they didn't care. This post you gave me was a gift. Thank you again. I will always think this now when I tell myself, "You were a rotten kid and that's why you were the black sheep." [/QUOTE]
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For Cedar or anyone: My dad did it again...
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