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For my sis: What happens to a relationship once you meet his kids?
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<blockquote data-quote="Mattsmom277" data-source="post: 475109" data-attributes="member: 4264"><p>Matt was 11 when s/o and I met. He had no relationship with his bio dad so there was no competition. On the other hand Matt trusted NO man. Period. He was not welcoming and only was polite as he knew I drew the line at rude yet he knew I would not force a relationship and I stuck to that. I'm grateful till this day that s/o forced nothing. Matt spoke polite and formally to him but kept talk to bare minimum, basically when it was rude to not converse. S/O respected that yet he spoke warmly and didn't let the formal minimal conversations faze him. He didn't try to schmooze Matt or create artificial conversation. Over time Matt saw S/O wasn't going to try to be "daddy" and conversation evolved at Matt's pace until it flowed naturally. They discovered common interests over time and began talking more etc. 8 years later I've heard Matt refer to him as step dad. They prank each other, jokingly gang up on me, enjoy one another. S/O I believe I've stepped in when Matt was brig hurtful to me and just said something like your relationship with your mom is not for me to interfere but right now? You are far out of line and no man who loves your mother would stand by and let it happen without speaking up. I do love your mom so I'm speaking up. I'd appreciate it I'd you'd never be that hurtful to your mom in my presence because you hurt her it means you hurt me. I expected a blow up but it didn't happen. Later in time Matt told me that how S/O handled that made him respect S/O in a way he hadn't. Matt said he knew the that S/O was a good man who loved me and stand for me and things grew with them from there on. </p><p></p><p>I wish your sis the best. I get her boyfriend wanted to wait until the relationship was long term before merging the kids.good move in my opinion. At the same time it's his job to help the kids understand her importance to him as much as your sis should understand the kids importance. If he is going to merge them then they need to know from him that she's here to stay and to be inclusive not separative. There is a balance and too far either side can doom blending kids and new partners. I think sometimes the two don't meet if the bio parent weighs too far in favor of the kids or the partner. To me it's key from day 1. Beautiful blended families are created every day and it CAN be a good experience for all.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Mattsmom277, post: 475109, member: 4264"] Matt was 11 when s/o and I met. He had no relationship with his bio dad so there was no competition. On the other hand Matt trusted NO man. Period. He was not welcoming and only was polite as he knew I drew the line at rude yet he knew I would not force a relationship and I stuck to that. I'm grateful till this day that s/o forced nothing. Matt spoke polite and formally to him but kept talk to bare minimum, basically when it was rude to not converse. S/O respected that yet he spoke warmly and didn't let the formal minimal conversations faze him. He didn't try to schmooze Matt or create artificial conversation. Over time Matt saw S/O wasn't going to try to be "daddy" and conversation evolved at Matt's pace until it flowed naturally. They discovered common interests over time and began talking more etc. 8 years later I've heard Matt refer to him as step dad. They prank each other, jokingly gang up on me, enjoy one another. S/O I believe I've stepped in when Matt was brig hurtful to me and just said something like your relationship with your mom is not for me to interfere but right now? You are far out of line and no man who loves your mother would stand by and let it happen without speaking up. I do love your mom so I'm speaking up. I'd appreciate it I'd you'd never be that hurtful to your mom in my presence because you hurt her it means you hurt me. I expected a blow up but it didn't happen. Later in time Matt told me that how S/O handled that made him respect S/O in a way he hadn't. Matt said he knew the that S/O was a good man who loved me and stand for me and things grew with them from there on. I wish your sis the best. I get her boyfriend wanted to wait until the relationship was long term before merging the kids.good move in my opinion. At the same time it's his job to help the kids understand her importance to him as much as your sis should understand the kids importance. If he is going to merge them then they need to know from him that she's here to stay and to be inclusive not separative. There is a balance and too far either side can doom blending kids and new partners. I think sometimes the two don't meet if the bio parent weighs too far in favor of the kids or the partner. To me it's key from day 1. Beautiful blended families are created every day and it CAN be a good experience for all. [/QUOTE]
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For my sis: What happens to a relationship once you meet his kids?
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