For once mother in law takes difficult child's side! Who knew this day would come?

[SuZir]

One thing I have to say, you really can't fault my mother in law's loyalty to her boys. difficult child has never been her favourite grandchild and she has usually always found a fault on him. But when it comes to 'other women' and her boys, even difficult child, you can be sure all possible fault lays on the woman.

difficult child and his girlfriend split last weekend after being together about two years and living together over a year. Everyone who thinks break-up was solely girlfriend's fault, raise your hand. Yeah, no hands up. I don't know much about what happened, I don't want to know what happened, but I'm very sure there was two persons in that relationship causing it to go sour. That is certainly not how mother in law thinks. For her, it is about this wretched witch taking advantage and using her poor and innocent grandchild. According to difficult child she got so vile that difficult child had to start to defend his ex. I can imagine.

While difficult child is certainly not husband, who defecates pure gold, if you ask mother in law, or my easy child who is almost as good, it seems even difficult child is to be kept much higher pedestal than any girl he may be with. Kind of sad from woman who has three daughters. But I guess it was good for difficult child to feel validated and that for once his granny was on his side.

 

[TerryJ2]

Wow! lol! Yes, blood is thicker than water.
I'm glad she did that, because even though difficult child surely had a hand in it, it did make him feel better, at least for the time being.
Just, wow.

 

[Dixies_fire]

I'm glad that she took his side cause it sounds like she never does, but this is where our men get half their problems and why women have issues dealing with them for the long haul in my opinion.

I don't really know how to explain it but when a woman treats her son like he's a perfect being and tells him continuously he isn't responsible for the way he behaves to others especially women then we have problems.

Of course too much on the other side is wrong too, you can't be condemning your child of any sex for every single thing they do either.

I'm just saying what you said two people in the relationship two people made mistakes. My friend is going through a divorce from a man who has barely worked their entire marriage and never cared for their home or really even their kids and his mom her mother in law is all about trying to blame this on my friend, when he cheated and has been next to worthless this whole time.

Our kids probably need a little bit of "poor baby" when a relationship ends but you don't sit and vilify the other party when you know next to nothing about the real story, Know what I mean??

 

[Liahona]

I'm glad she did it as well. He needs as much family support as he can get right now. I bet he was shocked.

 

[SuZir]

Yes, difficult child was very surprised and I do think it was good for him, that granny was for once in his side. Even though he said it felt slightly confusing (difficult child is well aware about quirks of his granny and how he stands on her eyes.)

It really is not good to look at relationships and consider fault being always in either gender. My mother in law seems to think women are always in fault but I do know many who tend to think, it is always a man's fault. That men are pigs and cheat and drink and are violent etc. Neither approach is in the right that often. Usually you need two to ruin a relationship.

It is especially senseless to pick sides in situation like this. I mean, two kiddies have been playing home and learning some relationship skills. It ended to break-up like is almost inevitable. Both have surely done things wrong. Absolutely no need to take sides, just hope that when years go by, they can both look back and smile fondly to each other and their relationship. Of course as a mother I do console my own a bit, listen to him and am sympathetic but that is another matter.

 

[DDD]

Excuse my "take" on this. I think "his granny" is so totally involved in her self image that she is compelled to turn him into an instant Saint so nobody thinks there is an imperfection in HER bloodline. Sigh! DDD

 

[SuZir]

DDD, you could be right. Though she sometimes does take a side of her son-in-laws against her daughters, especially the unfavoured ones. Anyway, mother in law is mother in law and I try to rather laugh than cry because of her (with varying success.) And if she for once made my difficult child feel better, kudos to her

mother in law has been quite tight-lipped about her life before father in law and I do think she does have her own traumas and deep-seated issues from far and long away. That of course doesn't change a fact that despite her some good qualities, she is often not the most pleasant person to be around.

 

[DDD]

For some reason (likely because I'm not in the mood to work, lol) I've been thinking about Mothers and mother in law's. My Mother was a lovely lady who spent her life striving for perfection. My Dad always knew that he could bring unexpected company at any time and Mom would be attractively dressed, appropriately coiffed and made up, the house would be "company ready" as much as any home with four children could be expected to be. She took great pride in the fact that we were all attractive well mannered kids and when we won awards etc. she was always more thrilled than we were. She was always aware of "what the neighbors would think" if any of us came in too late or were too loud or whatever.

We all loved our parents but did lovingly laugh amongst ourselves about "Mother's standards". Just reading your response I realized that we were her opportunity to recreate her childhood. She gave us the doting attention that she did not receive. Light bulb moment! How strange that the bulb lit after so many decades, lol. I think you're likely on point. In fact many of our CD family members are dedicated to the same concept. Interesting. DDD

 

[SuZir]

We all loved our parents but did lovingly laugh amongst ourselves about "Mother's standards". Just reading your response I realized that we were her opportunity to recreate her childhood. She gave us the doting attention that she did not receive. Light bulb moment! How strange that the bulb lit after so many decades, lol. I think you're likely on point. In fact many of our CD family members are dedicated to the same concept. Interesting. DDD

LOL, it could be, that I interpret it like that because it is, what I do. I was loved as a kid, but neither of my parents were responsible adults themselves and could or even wanted offer me much stability, consistency or 'normalcy.' I got some from my grandparents, but that only made me yarn more.

I was still quite young, when I recognised my 'quest for white picket fence' and in this point I'm even able to laugh myself and feel sympathy for that need. Doesn't mean I still doesn't want it, both for myself and for my kids. Though I'm coming to terms with the fact, that it really quite isn't for difficult child and that he doesn't really even want it deep inside. He may want parts of it and he certainly tries to fit in at times, but I believe it will never really be for him. Not at least the brand we have. And I'm okay with it, mostly.

I think my mother in law is some ways in the same quest I am. Coming from different direction, and likely with much more unfortunate emotional background than I, but in the end looking for same. I do have some sympathy for her. Doesn't mean I have to like how she behaves; or, frankly, even her.

 

[DDD]

Guess I should post my final response on this thread, LOL. easy child/difficult child (after years of alcoholism and drug use etc.) is in a committed relationship with a woman who is not MY cup of tea. on the other hand, she cooks what he likes (like his Mama did), she keeps house (like his Mama did), she is almost paranoid that he have clean and too often "new" clothes so he looks his best (kinda, like I did but I didn't spend as much money LOL) AND she let's him be the "head of the family" (which, lol, I never did). She doesn't meet MY needs but for the past eighteen months she has met HIS needs and he is happy. Interesting how it moves along from generation to generation. "nuf said". DDD