For those of you who don't "fit"

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Star*, Sep 13, 2007.

  1. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Hi all,

    I was sitting quietly listening to a group of women talk and laugh. They were having a good time and talking about seemingly nothing. Against the wall was another woman intently listening, but never joining in or responding. I thought it was odd, so I asked her why she wasn't joining in and her comment made me realize a lot of things. She said "I don't fit."

    I asked her why she didn't fit. She told me that they all seemed so much smarter than her, and had quick comebacks or snappy quips and she just didn't feel anyone would want to listen to her say anything." Again I found myself asking WHY? And she said "Listen to them - I wouldn't know where to jump in or how to begin, besides I don't fit."

    I stood by her and listened to the conversation and started my own sub-conversation with her regarding the conversation that was going on where she felt she did not FIT. After a while I gradually introduced her comments into the group and she was so shocked to see that the other women ACTUALLY listened to what she had to say, and AGREED. I looked down at her and said "Where don't you fit?" She smiled and then one of the other women asked HER a direct question and she gave an answer and then they said "Move over here you're too far away". When I left they were all talking - and she fit.

    Sometimes we're not going to fit, we disagree with what is being said or can't find a way to communicate up to what you may think is a standard of commenting. It's a backwards way of thinking. If you have something to say - say it. Dont' worry if it's not as funny or clever or genious to what you're comparing it to, because a lot of times it's better to have MORE people commenting (than lurking)

    I'm curious now, as to how many people who usually lurk and never leave a comment will be tempted to come out and say hello and find out that they too....FIT....just as much as any of us.

    Belive me when you're a Star you dont' fit into a square hole or a round one either - but I like being different.

    First time posters....come out and say hello. :wink: Your thoughts and comments are just as important as everyone elses. Doesn't matter if you have bad grammar, cant spell (have you seen our kids' homework?) We're just glad to have you here - a soft place to land and a nice place to fit. (or not :smile:)
     
  2. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    Star...You are such a sweety underneath all the hilarity and laughter!~

    hugs,
    Tammy...one who doesn't always feel like she fits in, or is afraid too.
     
  3. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    Star,
    Thank you for this thread. :smile:
    My name is tiredmommy and I don't fit either. I'm not a Star, but I have earned my voice and my opinions. As had each and every person that comes through here. We all, every single one of us, have something to contribute. We all have value. :warrior:
     
  4. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    Sometimes when I post something whether it is a reply or starting a thread... I think Oh my gosh, I am such a loser... that was so dumb!!! Or why on earth did I say that!!! But sometimes it just feels good to get it out!!! Even if no-one replies!!! As I am sitting in a dark corner eating a gallon of ice cream wondering WHY no-one replies to my posts.... :sad: because I have nothing meaningful to say... then I remember I am PMS'ing and the anxiety is kicking in...blah blah blah

    and I still have nothing to say- but it is still nice to be here and heard, sometimes!!!

    The cats love what I have to say!!! :crazy2:

    We need an emoticon of a person eating ice cream or stuffing their face with chocolate!!!
     
  5. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    OMG Totoro!!!

    LOLOLOLOL

    you are not kidding. When I first got here, I would post, and sit and watch. And wait. And if my post was not responded to, I freaked.

    Now, there are times I type up a response, and then go "nah, that's dumb" and I don't post it.

    We TOTALLY need an ice cream icon.
     
  6. jamrobmic

    jamrobmic New Member

    <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Big Bad Kitty</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Now, there are times I type up a response, and then go "nah, that's dumb" and I don't post it.</div></div>

    I do this all the time. And then I think it's dumb that I didn't go ahead and post. I can't win with me :hammer:
     
  7. C.J.

    C.J. New Member

    Sometimes I don't fit in certain parent/child situations. Back to School night, college information night, athletic events with teen athletes, etc. I always seem to run into another parent with a easy child kid, who inquires about N*. I've perfected the sincere smile, and the quick answer, "She's a work in progress, and she's working on progressing." That answer doesn't say she's been through court (again), removed from my home, failed her junior year, and that my life will be much less chaotic when she's on her own. It does say that there's hope for a better future, but it will take work on her part.

    Coming here, even when I only have the time or energy to lurk, makes me feel like I really fit in. I look for a response to a post, if only to get more information I might use.

    I'm thankful the original founding site creators created such a warm caring community for some "misfits."
     
  8. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    I often don't feel like I fit either. I will post and then change my mind and hit the back button. Worse yet, sometimes I will post and when hours go by without a response, I delete my post because I am thinking it seems stupid or whatever.

    I think this is part insecurity and simply that some people just don't feel like they shine bright enough, you know? I feel like that in some social circles, but I try to overcome it. Nice thread, Star.
     
  9. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I don't seem to fit many places in real life. But I have always felt I fit here. Thanks for that.

    I know that sometimes we feel restricted by the rules and sometimes by the censored language thing. But by having these things in place the owner and the moderators give us freedom. We have to think more creatively to express our frustration because curse words are not allowed. We know that if we are really getting close to the edge the moderator or owner will email us and say, hey, you need some real life help, we are not qulified, but we love you.

    This is hard for them, but it makes us safer and more secure.

    Thank you very much for that.

    I love having a place where I "fit".

    Hugs,

    Susie

    ps. No question is dumb, and as long as we are considerate in our replies, they aren't dumb either. I welcome all newbies and lurkers to come out and give us a shout. LEt us know what you think, how you feel, and what's going on.
     
  10. envisablepuppet

    envisablepuppet New Member


    Star,

    What a kind thing for you to do for that lady :flower: most ppl wouldn't have even noticed her let alone take the time to show her she does have worth.

    Lea
     
  11. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I never feel like anyone here does not 'fit'. We are all different, but the same. We are dedicated, caring parents that just want our children to succeed. We support each other. Nobody is an outsider.

    As far as nobody responding to a post: please do not take this personally. What you say is important, but it does not mean anyone else has experience with it or can even put themselves in your shoes to know what you are feeling or how to support.

    For me, sometimes I post a ton. Sometimes nothing for days. Sometimes I can read a post and not even recall what I read. That is when I know I am done for the day! LOL! If you feel like you are not getting responses, put in a reply to your own post and just say 'up' it will bring the post back into focus.

    Susuestar - thank you for your understanding of the admin/mod role. It is important for us to continue the same level of respect we have shown for years. It works and it works well. Don't change something that is not broken. :smile:
     
  12. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I NEVER fit in!!!! I have a NonVerbal Learning Disorder (NVLD) and can't read social cues and often say inappropriate things, not on purpose!!! That's why I seldom post here in the "fun" section. I'm afraid I'll type something dumb and ruin the vibe...lol. I'm very lucky that I'm a loner by nature because I don't trust easily and don't feel comfortable in a group, or with new people. I have to apologize to all of you--when I reach out to you for help you always give me so much back--yet I must seem like a "cold fish" because I never join in at other times. It's not that I don't love you all, because I do!!! You are some of the kindest, smartest, and most compassionate women I've ever "met." (((Hugs))) to all.
     
  13. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    MWM- You just nailed me to a tee!!! I have so often been around people and said something... crickets start chirping... silence... I am looking around trying to vanish!!! I have always felt so out of place in society!!! I try so hard to laugh it off and keep trying... it amazes me that I was a bartender for 10 years!!! I had to force myself to do it though... it was during my very manic non medicated days!!! Woo-hoo... I know I offended many people though... oops.

    Thanks for sharing that MWM... I honestly know how you feel. husband has to drag me out to socialize, he is a social butterfly...
     
  14. jamrobmic

    jamrobmic New Member

    <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: totoro</div><div class="ubbcode-body">husband has to drag me out to socialize, he is a social butterfly...</div></div>

    My husband and I are the same. He can talk to anyone about anything, and if it weren't for him, I probably wouldn't leave the house except to go to work and the grocery store when I had to. I saw a therapist last year who decided to "cure" me of being shy (I was seeing her for difficult child issues, but she decided difficult child didn't have any issues-without ever meeting him). Anyway, I told her I had been this way for nearly fifty years and I was pretty comfortable with it :rofl:. I realized a long time ago I don't fit, and I think I'm okay with it now. That's just who I am. The therapist didn't cure me, at any rate .
     
  15. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Aw, no problem. Just being honest. Truly, I don't do parties and only socialize with people I feel comfortable around. I actually thought I had Aspergers, but I've had enough neuropsychologist stuff done--everyone says I'm too friendly and my demeanor is too animated--they say it's a NonVerbal Learning Disorder (NVLD). Whatever it is, it has made me happiest when I'm just with my family or alone!!!! I don't do "groups" well.
     
  16. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    This was a curiosity of mine - I see how many people posted, and how many people looked.

    And WHY OH WHY would anyone ever feel here that they didn't have something to say - I am encouraging everyone to say something, post a thought, post a heartfelt whatever because like others above have said - we're all basically the same - and who knows...maybe something YOU post (even if you think it's lame or not) there's always ALWAYS going to be someone here that will feel the same as you posted and it might be just what they need to feel like they fit.

    its a possibility.

    So come on out lurkers...and regulars who think you have nothing to share...and don't feel dumb, don't feel shy - just post.

    Hugs
    Star

    ps I am like I am because of adversity - I was destined to fall apart and one day it just hit me that I have a choice - I can say what I think (not all of it or I'd really be on my way) and make a joke about it, and maybe cheer someone up. For me, it's all about being the person I'm destined to be, and if that's a crazy woman - so beit. But I let someone know I was here -

    ENCOURAGING EVERYONE TO JUMP IN ON ANY POST AND SPEAK YOUR MIND. THAT'S WHAT THE BOARD IS HERE FOR. WELCOME~!
     
  17. Pam R

    Pam R New Member

    I've always felt I did not fit in, not necessarily here, but life in general. But I resigned myself to it in my teens and just became me. It does not bother me that I act or look different, or think differently. Sometimes I even accentuate the difference. :smile:

    I post here when I've got something to say, and the time and energy to say it. But mostly I read, and smile (or laugh loudly) at your posts, Star.

    But I never feel like I could not add to the conversation, just I often just don't have the energy.

    Pam R.
     
  18. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Pam -

    I LOVE how you describe yourself in accentuating the differences! THAT is totally AWESOME..

    If I've ever made you laugh out loud - I'm happy to know it. - thanks. I think my "drink" got one extra twist - if you know what I mean.

    Have a lovely day! And thanks again for the compliment.

    Hugs
     
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