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For those who have adult adopted difficult children....
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<blockquote data-quote="dashcat" data-source="post: 397775" data-attributes="member: 9175"><p>Oh, boy, you nailed it with the expectations and lack of preparedness. I just assumed that I'd raise this child in a loving home, surrounded by a loving and highly functional extended family and she would be fine. I had no clue (until recently) that nature does indeed trump nurture a huge percentage of the time. It's interesting, because she really knows she was given a great childhood (when she's not inventing stories of abuse, that is!). Last week, she had the occasion to meet with the foster family who had bm with them when she was pregnant and the mom was in the delivery room when daughter was born I've known all along that these people were involved (small town), but they didn't know we'd adopted the baby that was born to their foster child. Long story as to how they found out, but she called me and wanted to see daughter. I had them to dinner and daughter was in the living room with them going through her scrapbooks. I was in the kitchen crying becuase she was narrating "This is when my mom took me to story time at the library and we dressed up for Halloween" "this is when my 2nd grade class came for the end of the year party" "this is the day I got my dog".... She knows, in moments of clarity, that she was given many opportunities. </p><p> </p><p>Nancy,</p><p>I'm so sad that the bm did not fill out the paperwork. That must have been devastating for your daughter. And your words rang true with me. My daughter is doing much of what her biomom did and it's so eerie. I think my daughter is just hardwired for risky behavior and all the nurture in the world cannot change that. I do take some comfort in the possiblity that we may have stalled it somewhat by giving her the childhood we gave her, but now that she's 19 and "out in the world", she's drawing on nature while nurture is thrown out the window.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="dashcat, post: 397775, member: 9175"] Oh, boy, you nailed it with the expectations and lack of preparedness. I just assumed that I'd raise this child in a loving home, surrounded by a loving and highly functional extended family and she would be fine. I had no clue (until recently) that nature does indeed trump nurture a huge percentage of the time. It's interesting, because she really knows she was given a great childhood (when she's not inventing stories of abuse, that is!). Last week, she had the occasion to meet with the foster family who had bm with them when she was pregnant and the mom was in the delivery room when daughter was born I've known all along that these people were involved (small town), but they didn't know we'd adopted the baby that was born to their foster child. Long story as to how they found out, but she called me and wanted to see daughter. I had them to dinner and daughter was in the living room with them going through her scrapbooks. I was in the kitchen crying becuase she was narrating "This is when my mom took me to story time at the library and we dressed up for Halloween" "this is when my 2nd grade class came for the end of the year party" "this is the day I got my dog".... She knows, in moments of clarity, that she was given many opportunities. Nancy, I'm so sad that the bm did not fill out the paperwork. That must have been devastating for your daughter. And your words rang true with me. My daughter is doing much of what her biomom did and it's so eerie. I think my daughter is just hardwired for risky behavior and all the nurture in the world cannot change that. I do take some comfort in the possiblity that we may have stalled it somewhat by giving her the childhood we gave her, but now that she's 19 and "out in the world", she's drawing on nature while nurture is thrown out the window. [/QUOTE]
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