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Parent Emeritus
For those who have adult adopted difficult children....
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 397819" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Sometimes the kids just need to "know." They need to know who they look like, why they are good at this and that, etc. My level-headed f ourteen year old told me, when she was in a very calm mood, that being adopted in a special need and all adopted kids are special needs kids. I respect that. She is probably my most stable kid.</p><p></p><p>My youngest adopted daughter was upset about her birthparents a few years ago so I just got back in touch with both sides. The birthmother is married to my daughter's half brother's father (I hope you could follow that...lol). She married him after we had adopted our daughter, whom I call Jumper. Her hub isn't cool with her talking or writing to Jumper...they have three kids together and he gave up kids from another relationship as well. So we wrote on the sneak for a while and Jumper got to see all our of correspondence. When she saw the obvious love and respect BM and I have for one another and also BM talking about how she loved Jumper, Jumper was thrilled and all of her problems seem to disappear. The mystery was gone. She saw pictures of BM and all of her half brothers. </p><p></p><p>She also got feedback from her boyfriend's family and they sent pictures and really wanted to see her. But boyfriend had been in jail several times for drug use and Jumper didn't want contact with him at all. She did look up his inmate picture (yes, she did)!! And she said she loved him and hoped he would change, but right now she isn't ready to see his family.</p><p></p><p>All in all, this child has been an angel since finding out that both sides of her genetic family loved her. I think it's good for the kids and great bonding for the parents and their adopted kids. My oldest daughter expressed interest in finding her birthmother in Korea (she's "iffy" about it...kind of afraid). I encouraged her to do it and I'd help her. But she is 26. It has to be up to her. I think adoptive parents worry about kids searching for nothing. in my opinion it' s good for everyone to know the truth. The child will learn to deal with it if it's not the best.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 397819, member: 1550"] Sometimes the kids just need to "know." They need to know who they look like, why they are good at this and that, etc. My level-headed f ourteen year old told me, when she was in a very calm mood, that being adopted in a special need and all adopted kids are special needs kids. I respect that. She is probably my most stable kid. My youngest adopted daughter was upset about her birthparents a few years ago so I just got back in touch with both sides. The birthmother is married to my daughter's half brother's father (I hope you could follow that...lol). She married him after we had adopted our daughter, whom I call Jumper. Her hub isn't cool with her talking or writing to Jumper...they have three kids together and he gave up kids from another relationship as well. So we wrote on the sneak for a while and Jumper got to see all our of correspondence. When she saw the obvious love and respect BM and I have for one another and also BM talking about how she loved Jumper, Jumper was thrilled and all of her problems seem to disappear. The mystery was gone. She saw pictures of BM and all of her half brothers. She also got feedback from her boyfriend's family and they sent pictures and really wanted to see her. But boyfriend had been in jail several times for drug use and Jumper didn't want contact with him at all. She did look up his inmate picture (yes, she did)!! And she said she loved him and hoped he would change, but right now she isn't ready to see his family. All in all, this child has been an angel since finding out that both sides of her genetic family loved her. I think it's good for the kids and great bonding for the parents and their adopted kids. My oldest daughter expressed interest in finding her birthmother in Korea (she's "iffy" about it...kind of afraid). I encouraged her to do it and I'd help her. But she is 26. It has to be up to her. I think adoptive parents worry about kids searching for nothing. in my opinion it' s good for everyone to know the truth. The child will learn to deal with it if it's not the best. [/QUOTE]
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