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For those with abusive kids, what was the first hint you had that he WAS abusive?
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 610427" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I think Cedar is right. Blame isn't helpful and it is a super easy thing to slide into. I know that MANY people, including Wiz, blame me for 'kicking him out". Even my folks do, and in my opinion that is super misplaced. We are working through it, but we don't really know quite how to fix it yet. Time will help, at least we hope so. </p><p></p><p>Blame is worse than not helpful, it is destructive. We waste precious time on blame because we are not looking for therapies and treatments. There just isn't time to waste on blame.</p><p></p><p>FYI, if you do a google or library search on sibling abuse, you will be SHOCKED. Even an amazon search will come up with many books. What most people see as 'kid stuff' or basic sibling rivalry, is vastly more painful and damaging to the entire family than ou can comprehend. I know, been there done that myself as a kid and a parent. It took years for me to see that it was as bad as it felt, and more years to accept that I was not the root of the problem, that I was not intrinsically worthless, useless and a waste of carbon and water. I believed those things deep down because NO ONE really intervened between gfgbro and I. mostly no one really paid any attention, even if I screamed help help help over and over as he hurt me. I know my parents heard, but they thought we should work it out between ourselves, even when I had welts and bruises for days/weeks after one of his rages. The real damage was far deeper than the bruises though. It was to my self image, self esteem, and general view of the world. </p><p></p><p>Do some research on sibling and parent abuse. Learn the types, and make sure that all of your kids get the help they need, not just the one who creates the biggest problems and conflama. Many horrible things are chalked up to 'sibling rivalry' just the way bullying used to be 'kid stuff' for kids to work out. We know that doesn't work, don't we?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 610427, member: 1233"] I think Cedar is right. Blame isn't helpful and it is a super easy thing to slide into. I know that MANY people, including Wiz, blame me for 'kicking him out". Even my folks do, and in my opinion that is super misplaced. We are working through it, but we don't really know quite how to fix it yet. Time will help, at least we hope so. Blame is worse than not helpful, it is destructive. We waste precious time on blame because we are not looking for therapies and treatments. There just isn't time to waste on blame. FYI, if you do a google or library search on sibling abuse, you will be SHOCKED. Even an amazon search will come up with many books. What most people see as 'kid stuff' or basic sibling rivalry, is vastly more painful and damaging to the entire family than ou can comprehend. I know, been there done that myself as a kid and a parent. It took years for me to see that it was as bad as it felt, and more years to accept that I was not the root of the problem, that I was not intrinsically worthless, useless and a waste of carbon and water. I believed those things deep down because NO ONE really intervened between gfgbro and I. mostly no one really paid any attention, even if I screamed help help help over and over as he hurt me. I know my parents heard, but they thought we should work it out between ourselves, even when I had welts and bruises for days/weeks after one of his rages. The real damage was far deeper than the bruises though. It was to my self image, self esteem, and general view of the world. Do some research on sibling and parent abuse. Learn the types, and make sure that all of your kids get the help they need, not just the one who creates the biggest problems and conflama. Many horrible things are chalked up to 'sibling rivalry' just the way bullying used to be 'kid stuff' for kids to work out. We know that doesn't work, don't we? [/QUOTE]
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For those with abusive kids, what was the first hint you had that he WAS abusive?
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