Forced diet rant!

[exhausted]

So we had family session yesterday at Residential Treatment Center (RTC) and it went well...with a glitch. They have placed my daughter on what they call "trays". She is given her meals in a styrofoam box, and has to walk down to the cafeteria with the other girls, box in hand, then wait for the others to get their chosen meals from the line.

A 25 year old "bouncer" (I call them this-the less educated watch people on duty), decided my daughter was her "project" and went to the nurse to get an order to put her on a diet. I never recieved a phone call and her therapist did not even know. My daughter was told it was too expensive to give her seconds. (I could get behind not giving anyone seconds-they don't need it if the meal is balanced and porpotioned) She knew (because she is intellegent) what it really was. She even said, "Don't insult my intellegence. Why don't you tell me the truth and why didn't you ask me if I was willing to work on losing weight?"

Every girl in this place is overweight. Most have been sexually abused and this is a very common thing that happens to them-putting on weight to "protect", and hide themselves. She is the only one singled out. I guess the bouncer is really on my daughter and we have actually had some pretty horrible experiences with her-she assumes we are bad parents, and treats us like we are trash.

My daughter is active and she at least eats balanced-she is a veggie eater, and not a picky, carb. eater.

We did work out that she would get to talk to this "bouncer" with her therapist in the room as support. My daughter tried to talk to her alone and the girl threatened to take away points. I want difficult child to advocate for herself and not be a victom, so I'm glad she is doing this-but...I'm also mad that she had not told her therapist. I had to tell her how upset my daughter had been on phone call each night for the last week.If she doesn't use her skills-she will end up relapsing again.

I'm furious that it was done without my involvement. The kid has a thyroid problem and possibly polycytic ovarian disease-losing weight is hell. When she is emotionally in a better place, she loses weight much easier. I also think that getting her on- board by offering her a chance to work on weight would have been respectful. I'm madder still that yesterdays breakfast was toast and jam! I would never feed my kids that as their breakfast. Before, she had a choice of fruits, yogurt, and cereals.

No matter how the talk goes with my difficult child and the bouncer, I feel I have to speak my mind and talk to the director. I just can't get behind the humiliation of her having to carry a box down and wait for the other girls and I can't get behind the belittling things this bouncer says to my daughter as she yells at her to hustle and walk faster, jump higher, sweat more. Please tell me I'm not crazy! Rant finished for now!

 

[keista]

You are not crazy. As I was reading I started thinking how "the bouncer" sounds like a bully who took this job just so she would be in a position of "power"

Keep advocating for your daughter, and it sounds like she is starting to get the hang of it herself, even if she does, stay right behind her.

 

[toughlovin]

My only question is where you are getting your info from? If it is from your daughter could the info be distorted somehow. I know this happened with my son seveeral times when he was in a Residential Treatment Center (RTC) and so i would always check out the info he gave me....so i totally agree talking to the therapist and director is a very good idea.

I also agree putting her on a diet and singling her out to do it, if true is not right at all.

 

[exhausted]

Oh it's true alright! Therapist confirmed in family session. Yes-I always double check because it can get distorted.

When my husband said to the therapist,"I want her off trays today.". The therapist actually said she'd have to wait until the doctor. was in on Tuesday.No parent regard here. Her JJS worker is not happy and is going in on Monday-she was not consulted and has not been updated about anything in a awhile. I really love the professionals I've worked with there and the program is great-just can't deal with this 25 year old know it all!

I sat with her while she ate (they let her stay in visit room after family session.) Horrid meal-and slathered in gravy! WTH. She'd do better at the salad bar. She left the mushy stuffing. The beans were cold-so she ended up with a peice of pork, wheat roll and canned pinnapple (tiny container). My heart felt so bad.

 

[susiestar]

This is way beyond a weight issue. It is bullying and abuse period. If you have an attorney, get him involved ASAP. This kind of treatment is NOT therapeutic and no 25yo uneducated intern should be dictating her treatment in any way, shape or form. If seh was studying to be a therapist in this profession she would still not be allowed to speak to a client with-o being supervised.

Write this down with the name (first and last), employee number if they use that instead of last names or first names, get a copy of her chart/records, get the therapist who confirmed it to sign a paper saying that she told you this and it was her understanding that this is what happened. Then file a complaint with the owner or CEO of the firm that owns or runs the joint. Make it VERY clear that you WILL file a formal complaint with the regulatory board, the court, and will file a lawsuit against the facility, the director, CEO, supervisors, psychiatrist, nurses and of course this bully if she ever even LOOKS at your child again. IF weight is the issue then you DEMAND access to the salad bar and HEALTHY meals not of mystery meat and beans and stuffing all slathered in gravy. That meal with all that was in the box sounds like close to the daily amount of calories a person should eat. So do they plan to just not feed her the other meals? HOW is that healthy??

Point out that hse is there to deal with emotional problems, not to get more of them. You and she have rights as patients. The facility MUST have complaint forms and provide EVERY patient and their guardians/parents about the procedure and leave forms out or give them freely with NO questions asked if someone has to be asked for one.

I am so sorry. This is awful. Make double darn sure that the psychiatrist knows the next time he lets a 25yo bully do his job (rxing her diet and giving her nothing healthy and way too many calories for a "healthy" "weight loss" diet that you will have formal complaints lodged with the state medical board and the board of psychiatry (problem child and adolescent psychiatry) and try to get any /all certification revoked or put on probationary status for quite a while.

Can you get a video camera in the facilty - like a phone? Or one on a pen or whatever so you can take pictures of her boxed weight loss meal, and how she is treated and singled out. this will go a long way toward proving your claim. If possible, put something in the picture with the date, like a newspaper or something. Just bring in the top half of the front page - it will show headlines and the date though the date may be hard to read. But with a headline from that day you can get another copy and prove ti was that day because the headlines matched.

How do they expect your daughter to advocate for herself and to be able to participate in treatment in a meaningful way if she is terribly embarrassed by the treatment of her, scared of what this person will do to her and the therapist and her JJS person cannot evenhalt this damaging treatment of her?

by the way, where is the psychiatrist? He doesn't have a phone to deal with traumatized patients who are in crisis? Why is there NO ONE who can stop the abuse of your daughter over a weekend? My son was only in a psychiatric hospital for 4 mos (long term psychiatric hospital) but if I had a problem with something that was going on and it was the weekend, the nurses and therapist and psychiatrist could all at least be called on the phone and they would give orders via phone or they would fax them in.

Didn't she have health problems that they ignored until she was really sick - didn't get a doctor involved and didn't tell you either? Make double darn skippy sure that the top guys hear all about this - and if you can get the doctor who saw her to say that it was neglected too long and become more serious, it will help .

((((((((((hugs))))))))))

 

[exhausted]

Thanks for the advise Susiestar. Yes she did have an absesed tooth(from a ball thrown at her while she was in state custody at Observation and assessment). Until I got ugly, and called our dentist and he called them-she was in excruciating pain (they gave her 200 mgs of ibuprophen 3x a day-joke). They got her in because he made himself available on a Sat. She was in DT awaiting placement in the current Residential Treatment Center (RTC). So a different place, same state system.

The NAMI advocate called the director, I will be talking to her Monday. I can't believe this is happening.

I'm going to see if we can smuggle in Cell phones today-she probably wont be eating however-this was the luck of the draw on Thursday that I got to stay with her.

They have all kinds of rules about access to the docs. State agency. I think they think that since she is in temporary state custody-we have no rights. They are not use to involved parents. Many of the girls here are on adoption lists or have univolved parents. I'm floored at the lack of communication. The professionals we really like (we met and worked with while she was in day treatment there), are wonderful but seem to have little to do with my child first hand.

I have never spoken with the doctor and he saw my daughter once only after she was put on "trays". She demanded to see him to ask his help. He told her that she made the staff feel uncomfortable with her eating-WTH does that mean?!!! He said he didn't care if she was on trays or not, but didn't remove the order!

The nurse is a snot nosed 20 something as well (1st year on the job). She is like talking to a brick wall. I had to tell her daughter was getting her acne cream before she had washed her face and this meant it wasn't going to work-she had to have it after thye shower. She tried to argue with me about their procedures and I said it was expensive cream and was doctoer ordered (our dermatologist) and they would have to work it out. She said she didn't think it was possible. The staffing 1:3-are you kidding me!!! That will come up in the talk with the director as well.

We will see the bouncer today-can't decide which peice of my mind she is getting! Won't do any good but at least she'll know how I feel.

 

[HaoZi]

So are ANY of these people nutritionists? I doubt the bouncer is, doubt the nurse is, either. Chances are neither is the psychiatrist. Does she have another outside doctor like a pediatrician that would be willing to "Rx" special dietary needs for her?

 

[exhausted]

Great idea. Our pediatricion is great. She gave my daughter a note giving permission to attend weight watchers (after 1st Residential Treatment Center (RTC)) because they push a healthy weight loss and balance. She told us to be careful of anything else and that as difficult child started feeling better emotionally, she would start loosing weight.

 

[susiestar]

I cannot figure out why her weight is such a big issue for them. So many medications cause weight loss, and how are they uncomfortable with her eating? that is idiotic and bizarre, in my opinion. I think you need to be very careful in what you say to this bouncer person as upsetting her will be taken out on your daughter, probably severely. If at all possible, get an audio recorder and have it running (voice activated would be good) so that you can ask the bouncer what would help, why it happens, etc... and the same for the doctor, nurse, director, etc..... In most states it is legal if one party to the conversation is aware - that would be YOU. Otherwise make written notes and even ask for initials or a signature to make sure you "understand" and to help you help difficult child. Do NOT criticize someone like the bouncer directly - it will only end up in more hardship for the one you are trying to protect. Check the laws in your state regarding recording - a google search should work well for that.

 

[exhausted]

The good news is she is off trays. Our peditrician called, not sure what she said, also the NAMI advocate. difficult child also expressed feelings to nurse in a strong way (proud she did not take victom).
As for bouncer-I did put it together she would take her **** out on my daughter if I said anything to her, however, I refuse to make small talk, smile or be anything but business like with someone I do not trust or respect. Director was out sick when we were suppose to talk but will talk on Monday. difficult child is doing better and spirits are up. Its so interesting to me that just like in my classroom, if kids know that an adult is miffed at another kid, the class turns on them as well. So I guess she is getting it from some of the girls. She will have to weather this and use her skills as this is real life.

 

[HaoZi]

Really glad her pediatrician and advocate were willing and able to call on her behalf.