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Found out daughter is a sexual predator--help!
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 497088" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Janet....amen. At age fifteen, almost an adult, she KNEW it was not a game. She knew it was wrong, whether she cared that she did it or not. </p><p></p><p>My kids are doing really well and part of that, by my daughter's admission, was our acknowledgement of it, our sticking up for them and believing them, getting them help, and seeing their perpetrator prosecuted and put into a youth jail for sexual predators, even though the county prosecuted him...we did not ask them to. We just wanted to work on healing. Sexual acting out to the degree of your daughter is something the person does not outgrow. They are "iffy" as to whether or not it is even treatable It is best for the victims to have it acknowledged and see justice done (and the perpetrator get any help available, even if it doesn't usually work).</p><p></p><p>Although all sexual predators have had terrible lives (otherwise they would not be sexual predators), so do most murderers...there is a line to be drawn, in my opinion, when you have to take up for the victims rather than the offender. It is unlikely that you know the degree of the sexual behavior. The child we had did not admit it until he was in jail/Residential Treatment Center (RTC) and in therapy. He was alarmingly not sorry and even puzzled at why this was a big deal.</p><p></p><p>After he aged out of foster care, they had to let him out. I fear for his wife and two baby girls and any children in his neighborhood, especially since he is risking a felony and is not signing up as a sexual predator. This sort of dangerous behavior that can seriously harm the victims for life. I'm shocked that your friends did not call the police. I wonder what the victims are thinking. Having seen this first hand, I again do not recommend that you keep her either at home or in the community. There are no resources for young sexual predators that are not related to the juvie justice system as t his is a serious crime. Likely, she has no conscience because of her Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) (sounds l ike full blown Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) to me). </p><p></p><p>I never ever ever liked to think of kids that were too late to save, which is why we adopted an eleven year old boy. We wanted to give a loving, safe home to a child least able to get adopted (older boy of color). It was a disaster. These days I tell people who want to adopt a child from anywhere to adopt as young a child as possible. We have adopted kids from Korea, out of foster care (at age two) and one that we adopted privately straight from the hospital. None of them had attachment issues or criminal behavior. It is only the eleven year old who did, but, boy, did he! Our family almost fell apart (only a strong core kept us hanging in there) and I almost had a nervous breakdown. We can not save every child. Some are already too damaged to be in a family or even society by the time we get them. And, although it's very sad, we can not undo all the damage. </p><p></p><p>We are never sorry we let this boy go. Our other children would have lived in fair, anger and resentment if we had not. And our stress level would have been off the charts too if we had to run our house like an Residential Treatment Center (RTC), complete with alarms on the door, plus worry about whether or not Boy was perpetrating on neighborhood kids.</p><p></p><p>We called CPS as soon as we found out, and they took him to a hospital first for assessment and my two younger kids had to be seen by a kindly pediatrician who only sees children who were sexually hurt. This was for prosecution purposes. We had no choice in the matter, but she was so good to both of my other kids. It was confirmed that my five year old daughter had been violated and they were able to show the kind doctor scars from small knife cuts that he had put on their bodies (they had not told us about it and daughter had blamed cat scratches). We had no idea...it blew us away...that he had used a knife to make them comply. </p><p></p><p>Hugs from me to you. I know, oh, I *know* how you feel and the pressure you are under.</p><p></p><p>Good luck, whatever you decide to do.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 497088, member: 1550"] Janet....amen. At age fifteen, almost an adult, she KNEW it was not a game. She knew it was wrong, whether she cared that she did it or not. My kids are doing really well and part of that, by my daughter's admission, was our acknowledgement of it, our sticking up for them and believing them, getting them help, and seeing their perpetrator prosecuted and put into a youth jail for sexual predators, even though the county prosecuted him...we did not ask them to. We just wanted to work on healing. Sexual acting out to the degree of your daughter is something the person does not outgrow. They are "iffy" as to whether or not it is even treatable It is best for the victims to have it acknowledged and see justice done (and the perpetrator get any help available, even if it doesn't usually work). Although all sexual predators have had terrible lives (otherwise they would not be sexual predators), so do most murderers...there is a line to be drawn, in my opinion, when you have to take up for the victims rather than the offender. It is unlikely that you know the degree of the sexual behavior. The child we had did not admit it until he was in jail/Residential Treatment Center (RTC) and in therapy. He was alarmingly not sorry and even puzzled at why this was a big deal. After he aged out of foster care, they had to let him out. I fear for his wife and two baby girls and any children in his neighborhood, especially since he is risking a felony and is not signing up as a sexual predator. This sort of dangerous behavior that can seriously harm the victims for life. I'm shocked that your friends did not call the police. I wonder what the victims are thinking. Having seen this first hand, I again do not recommend that you keep her either at home or in the community. There are no resources for young sexual predators that are not related to the juvie justice system as t his is a serious crime. Likely, she has no conscience because of her Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) (sounds l ike full blown Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) to me). I never ever ever liked to think of kids that were too late to save, which is why we adopted an eleven year old boy. We wanted to give a loving, safe home to a child least able to get adopted (older boy of color). It was a disaster. These days I tell people who want to adopt a child from anywhere to adopt as young a child as possible. We have adopted kids from Korea, out of foster care (at age two) and one that we adopted privately straight from the hospital. None of them had attachment issues or criminal behavior. It is only the eleven year old who did, but, boy, did he! Our family almost fell apart (only a strong core kept us hanging in there) and I almost had a nervous breakdown. We can not save every child. Some are already too damaged to be in a family or even society by the time we get them. And, although it's very sad, we can not undo all the damage. We are never sorry we let this boy go. Our other children would have lived in fair, anger and resentment if we had not. And our stress level would have been off the charts too if we had to run our house like an Residential Treatment Center (RTC), complete with alarms on the door, plus worry about whether or not Boy was perpetrating on neighborhood kids. We called CPS as soon as we found out, and they took him to a hospital first for assessment and my two younger kids had to be seen by a kindly pediatrician who only sees children who were sexually hurt. This was for prosecution purposes. We had no choice in the matter, but she was so good to both of my other kids. It was confirmed that my five year old daughter had been violated and they were able to show the kind doctor scars from small knife cuts that he had put on their bodies (they had not told us about it and daughter had blamed cat scratches). We had no idea...it blew us away...that he had used a knife to make them comply. Hugs from me to you. I know, oh, I *know* how you feel and the pressure you are under. Good luck, whatever you decide to do. [/QUOTE]
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