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Found out daughter is a sexual predator--help!
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 498205" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>R. was only with us for t hree years, but I thought he was a great kid because he knew how to act like one for adults. Maybe because he hurt my other two younger kids and a helpless foster child, I cried only for the victims, not for him. To this day I tear up when I talk or type about him (I am now), but it is never because of him or his fate. In fact, I am terrified he is still perping. My daughter found him on FB (he is now 21) and he is married with two daughters...I don't even want to think of what he is doing to those poor girls. Together we looked up his criminal record since leaving foster care and he was arrested once for not signing up as a sexual predator, which is a felony in Wisconsin. However, checking the list of childhood perps, two years later, he is STILL not in the registry, which is chilling to us. Nothing seems to scare him...no threat, nothing. And we don't want to turn him in or have anything to do with him. Even if he didn't know it was us turning him in, we (right or wrong) just don't want to mess with him. He is two hours away from us and doesn't know our new address, but we are still afraid of him.</p><p></p><p>The tears will come to you, for many reasons, but often it takes a while for them to come. Therapy started me crying and I cried for weeks, blaming myself. I still do in a way. You are doing what is best for your daughter, your family, and your community. Social Workers NEVER tell us how bad it could be, and I get really upset when I think about that. Their goal is to place every child. I don't recall ever being told that, because our boy was older and had been in foster care for years, that he may not ever love us or that he may even harm us. They keep that information to themselves. I went to six weeks of pre-adoption classes and nobody ever brought up just how awful/traumatic it can be to raise a "hurt" child. I wasn't told that the child have not have a conscience or was probably sexually abused (although the social worker told us later that 99% of the kids in US foster care have been sexually abused). They did not tell us that we could love this boy to death (which we did) and he still may hate us (which he did). He MUST have. If the people who place children with us don't give us the worst possible scenario, how can we make informed decisions?</p><p></p><p>The part that breaks my heart the most is little Ray, our foster child. He was seven years old and had so much great potential EVEN though he had also been badly sexually abused in his past. We wanted to adopt him, but after R. sexually abused him (at knifepoint sometimes...that was how this boy operated), he didn't want to stay with us. Can you blame him? We still think of little Ray and know he has done very well in all areas in his adoptive family...he is one of those children who is so resilient that he actually has morphed into a normal teen now that he is in a safe place. We miss him very much. I am crying now, as I type. Please get her out of the house so that she does not have the opportunity to do worse to your family. You don't want to be us. I'm sorry that you too were not told the truth about older adopted kids from foster care and orphanages, but the extent of what can happen is never really given to us. I'm so sorry you are going through this. I understand how it feels like a nightmare. It did for us too. </p><p></p><p>Empathy and hugs...</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 498205, member: 1550"] R. was only with us for t hree years, but I thought he was a great kid because he knew how to act like one for adults. Maybe because he hurt my other two younger kids and a helpless foster child, I cried only for the victims, not for him. To this day I tear up when I talk or type about him (I am now), but it is never because of him or his fate. In fact, I am terrified he is still perping. My daughter found him on FB (he is now 21) and he is married with two daughters...I don't even want to think of what he is doing to those poor girls. Together we looked up his criminal record since leaving foster care and he was arrested once for not signing up as a sexual predator, which is a felony in Wisconsin. However, checking the list of childhood perps, two years later, he is STILL not in the registry, which is chilling to us. Nothing seems to scare him...no threat, nothing. And we don't want to turn him in or have anything to do with him. Even if he didn't know it was us turning him in, we (right or wrong) just don't want to mess with him. He is two hours away from us and doesn't know our new address, but we are still afraid of him. The tears will come to you, for many reasons, but often it takes a while for them to come. Therapy started me crying and I cried for weeks, blaming myself. I still do in a way. You are doing what is best for your daughter, your family, and your community. Social Workers NEVER tell us how bad it could be, and I get really upset when I think about that. Their goal is to place every child. I don't recall ever being told that, because our boy was older and had been in foster care for years, that he may not ever love us or that he may even harm us. They keep that information to themselves. I went to six weeks of pre-adoption classes and nobody ever brought up just how awful/traumatic it can be to raise a "hurt" child. I wasn't told that the child have not have a conscience or was probably sexually abused (although the social worker told us later that 99% of the kids in US foster care have been sexually abused). They did not tell us that we could love this boy to death (which we did) and he still may hate us (which he did). He MUST have. If the people who place children with us don't give us the worst possible scenario, how can we make informed decisions? The part that breaks my heart the most is little Ray, our foster child. He was seven years old and had so much great potential EVEN though he had also been badly sexually abused in his past. We wanted to adopt him, but after R. sexually abused him (at knifepoint sometimes...that was how this boy operated), he didn't want to stay with us. Can you blame him? We still think of little Ray and know he has done very well in all areas in his adoptive family...he is one of those children who is so resilient that he actually has morphed into a normal teen now that he is in a safe place. We miss him very much. I am crying now, as I type. Please get her out of the house so that she does not have the opportunity to do worse to your family. You don't want to be us. I'm sorry that you too were not told the truth about older adopted kids from foster care and orphanages, but the extent of what can happen is never really given to us. I'm so sorry you are going through this. I understand how it feels like a nightmare. It did for us too. Empathy and hugs... [/QUOTE]
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