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Found out daughter is a sexual predator--help!
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<blockquote data-quote="buddy" data-source="post: 498229" data-attributes="member: 12886"><p>MWM, what did you know about your son before you adopted? It is interesting when I went thru adoption prep classes I was told that my child might not be able to love me. I actually had to search my soul and think, do I want to be a parent for me or to help a child, and that is NOT a judgement if the answer is either way..... My answer was honestly both. I know some people....two exactly who really do not need any love or affection from their Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) kids. One lady prefers Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) kids, severe ones... she just knows how to get them to do what they need to do and her feelings are never in it. Probably runs her house more like a group home. One time she adopted a Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) girl and got a bonus sister and the sister is not Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) so she ended up with a reward for all her hard work! I did decide (though you never know how much this will hurt till you feel it) I was ok with a child who maybe could not love me typically. I got what I said I could handle. A kid who is not bonded as most people bond, but he does love and care and he luckily has responded to attachment therapy. But I got him at nearly three and he is delayed so I honestly (maybe foolishly) think his delays helped us because I could baby him longer, does that make sense?</p><p></p><p>Anyway, I am only asking because I know many people read these forums and I do think you need to adopt older kids from ANY country with eyes wide open. But many many older kid adoptions work out beautifully. I know so many kids who are doing amazingly as you mentioned about the 7 yr old who was with you, despite terrible things happening. It is the prep and support that are really lacking. And how do we really know if the reports are true or not. It is a scary thing.</p><p></p><p>And we all know that there are many infant adoptions that also end in a Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) diagnosis. And some bio kids who thru issues in teh family or medical issues end up with Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). It is a really under explained disorder and the range of attachment issues is not taught to parents, social workers, psychologists, teachers, special educators, etc. Understanding for this is back in the "autism is from refrigerator moms" stages if you ask me. We have come a long way with Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) as a spectrum, we need the same progress for Attachment.</p><p></p><p>See kwioake, your post and bravery will probably touch so many. I hope you are having a nice weekend with your boys and that your difficult child is settling in more and more in her therapy setting so they can get to know her real issues. You and MWM are inspirational for sure as are the many who have lived thru this. I wish it would in the end help prevent these issues. That is the biggest tragedy of all. So many of these kids could have been absolutely "normal" members of society if not for the messed up situations they were in as infants-early childhood kids. So very sad.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="buddy, post: 498229, member: 12886"] MWM, what did you know about your son before you adopted? It is interesting when I went thru adoption prep classes I was told that my child might not be able to love me. I actually had to search my soul and think, do I want to be a parent for me or to help a child, and that is NOT a judgement if the answer is either way..... My answer was honestly both. I know some people....two exactly who really do not need any love or affection from their Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) kids. One lady prefers Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) kids, severe ones... she just knows how to get them to do what they need to do and her feelings are never in it. Probably runs her house more like a group home. One time she adopted a Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) girl and got a bonus sister and the sister is not Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) so she ended up with a reward for all her hard work! I did decide (though you never know how much this will hurt till you feel it) I was ok with a child who maybe could not love me typically. I got what I said I could handle. A kid who is not bonded as most people bond, but he does love and care and he luckily has responded to attachment therapy. But I got him at nearly three and he is delayed so I honestly (maybe foolishly) think his delays helped us because I could baby him longer, does that make sense? Anyway, I am only asking because I know many people read these forums and I do think you need to adopt older kids from ANY country with eyes wide open. But many many older kid adoptions work out beautifully. I know so many kids who are doing amazingly as you mentioned about the 7 yr old who was with you, despite terrible things happening. It is the prep and support that are really lacking. And how do we really know if the reports are true or not. It is a scary thing. And we all know that there are many infant adoptions that also end in a Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) diagnosis. And some bio kids who thru issues in teh family or medical issues end up with Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). It is a really under explained disorder and the range of attachment issues is not taught to parents, social workers, psychologists, teachers, special educators, etc. Understanding for this is back in the "autism is from refrigerator moms" stages if you ask me. We have come a long way with Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) as a spectrum, we need the same progress for Attachment. See kwioake, your post and bravery will probably touch so many. I hope you are having a nice weekend with your boys and that your difficult child is settling in more and more in her therapy setting so they can get to know her real issues. You and MWM are inspirational for sure as are the many who have lived thru this. I wish it would in the end help prevent these issues. That is the biggest tragedy of all. So many of these kids could have been absolutely "normal" members of society if not for the messed up situations they were in as infants-early childhood kids. So very sad. [/QUOTE]
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