Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Found out daughter is a sexual predator--help!
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 498260" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>We had gone t hrough six weeks of adoption class before so we didn't have to go again and we weren't told much about Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). We were told pretty much that they may not like you at first, but that they will eventually love you. It was very silly. We had adopted before and did not worry that we could not love a child not born to us and felt he would eventually love us. We asked for a child, however, who was never sexually abused (haha! Later, we found out that this request is not possible because most of them are...almost all). We were very excited to adopt an older boy who would probably never have a home if we didn't give him one. His history pretty much said he was a good kid with cognitive delays (I don't think he has any cognitive delays). Nothing was ever reported by his foster mothers, including the one he was with before us for five years. She had no clue that he was molesting her other foster children plus her daycare kids (he admitted that in the Residential Treatment Center (RTC)). He was a real fooler, able to make adults adore him while terrorizing kids with knives and forcing them to perp on each other at knifepoint while he watched. My daughter still has a tiny knife scar on her neck. A gyn examination done by a very tender, loving pediatrician who deals only with children who had been sexually abused was able to confirm that penetration had taken place (this makes me sick...ugh). Double ugh. It is amazing Jumper is such a normal kid, but she remembers everything, she had tons of help and support, and she saw him get convicted of hurting her. We still take her to her therapist from time to time. Sonic was a victim too...we don't know how much and he doesn't act out or seem to be upset...he is also being watched. </p><p></p><p>I would never ever ever ever ever ever etc. adopt a child older than an infant again. I probably wouldn't even adopt a two year old, like Sonic was when we got him. Fortunately, sonic was in a GREAT foster home and could attach to us easily.</p><p></p><p>I continue to urge adoptions, even of older kids, but know what you may get (I know other people who have had similar experiences as us) and NEVER adopt a child who is older or bigger than your youngest child. You are taking a terrible risk. 80% of all incarcerations are people who spent time in foster care. That alone says TONS.</p><p></p><p>buddy, you do not have a younger child to worry about with Q. in my opinion you are the type of person who is able to take a chance adopting an older, hurt child. But not somebody with younger kids...it is a mistake. it is not worth the risk. You don't get accurate information on these kids. There is much nobody knows about them before hand. And sometimes I think they don't tell us the truth on purpose. The states don't have to. They are not liable. When we called the social worker from NJ to tell her what happened, her only response was, "Oh." Just oh. And she said there was nothing NJ could do...he was in Wisconsin now. She did not sound surprised or compassionate in any way.</p><p></p><p>buddy, also my own opinion is that psychologists call all adopted kids "Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD)" and that most infant adoptions that are disrupted are not really due to Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). maybe they are more difficult because the child was exposed to drugs or alcohol??? All I know is, I had no problems even close to this child's issues, EXCEPT for t he child that we adopted from Hong Kong at age six who was well behaved, but never attached to us and has said good-bye. You have to really be special to adopt older kids, but I do believe infants attach if you treat them like your own (which we should!) All of my adopted kids think about it sometimes and have minor issues, but there is a secure bond that can never be broken between hub and I, PastryChef, Jumper and Sonic. They would tell you the same.</p><p></p><p> Again JMO.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 498260, member: 1550"] We had gone t hrough six weeks of adoption class before so we didn't have to go again and we weren't told much about Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). We were told pretty much that they may not like you at first, but that they will eventually love you. It was very silly. We had adopted before and did not worry that we could not love a child not born to us and felt he would eventually love us. We asked for a child, however, who was never sexually abused (haha! Later, we found out that this request is not possible because most of them are...almost all). We were very excited to adopt an older boy who would probably never have a home if we didn't give him one. His history pretty much said he was a good kid with cognitive delays (I don't think he has any cognitive delays). Nothing was ever reported by his foster mothers, including the one he was with before us for five years. She had no clue that he was molesting her other foster children plus her daycare kids (he admitted that in the Residential Treatment Center (RTC)). He was a real fooler, able to make adults adore him while terrorizing kids with knives and forcing them to perp on each other at knifepoint while he watched. My daughter still has a tiny knife scar on her neck. A gyn examination done by a very tender, loving pediatrician who deals only with children who had been sexually abused was able to confirm that penetration had taken place (this makes me sick...ugh). Double ugh. It is amazing Jumper is such a normal kid, but she remembers everything, she had tons of help and support, and she saw him get convicted of hurting her. We still take her to her therapist from time to time. Sonic was a victim too...we don't know how much and he doesn't act out or seem to be upset...he is also being watched. I would never ever ever ever ever ever etc. adopt a child older than an infant again. I probably wouldn't even adopt a two year old, like Sonic was when we got him. Fortunately, sonic was in a GREAT foster home and could attach to us easily. I continue to urge adoptions, even of older kids, but know what you may get (I know other people who have had similar experiences as us) and NEVER adopt a child who is older or bigger than your youngest child. You are taking a terrible risk. 80% of all incarcerations are people who spent time in foster care. That alone says TONS. buddy, you do not have a younger child to worry about with Q. in my opinion you are the type of person who is able to take a chance adopting an older, hurt child. But not somebody with younger kids...it is a mistake. it is not worth the risk. You don't get accurate information on these kids. There is much nobody knows about them before hand. And sometimes I think they don't tell us the truth on purpose. The states don't have to. They are not liable. When we called the social worker from NJ to tell her what happened, her only response was, "Oh." Just oh. And she said there was nothing NJ could do...he was in Wisconsin now. She did not sound surprised or compassionate in any way. buddy, also my own opinion is that psychologists call all adopted kids "Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD)" and that most infant adoptions that are disrupted are not really due to Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). maybe they are more difficult because the child was exposed to drugs or alcohol??? All I know is, I had no problems even close to this child's issues, EXCEPT for t he child that we adopted from Hong Kong at age six who was well behaved, but never attached to us and has said good-bye. You have to really be special to adopt older kids, but I do believe infants attach if you treat them like your own (which we should!) All of my adopted kids think about it sometimes and have minor issues, but there is a secure bond that can never be broken between hub and I, PastryChef, Jumper and Sonic. They would tell you the same. Again JMO. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Found out daughter is a sexual predator--help!
Top