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Found out daughter is a sexual predator--help!
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 498587" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I know you are attached to her. I also know how limited my experiences with adoption are. I have one friend from high school who adopted twin boys from another country, but they not only had each other, they had amazing foster parents and from the time they were born they were with the foster parents until my friend and her husband went to get them. They are fairly normal little boys now that the language barrier has been demolished.</p><p></p><p>I think you need to refuse to bring this girl home. You KNOW she has done severe damage to several children. You do NOT know what she has done to your other kids. I don't CARE how big the other kdis are. It is super easy to go into a room when someone is asleep and hurt them. It is also not that hard to mkae a threat that is believable to force them to hide the behavior. Until your kids are totally positive that she won't EVER come back AND they are workign wtih a therapist, they are not going to tell you if she hurt them. </p><p></p><p>I KNOW I sound cold and uncaring toward her. I fully sympathize with how awful she must feel inside. How she must hate herself and feel unloved, how she probably has no clue what love even is. I WANT her to get help, real help and learn to love and accept love. I just don't think it wll actually happen. Not in the time you have before she is 18. </p><p></p><p>Given how damaged she is, it seems very unsafe to bring her back to your home - ever. I don't know how you would terminate the adoption, but it may be the safest thing to do. You may have to pay child support and I doubt she would be sent back to India, but there is NO WAY she should EVER live in a home with children of any age in it. </p><p></p><p>Safety MUST be the priority. No exceptions. You cannot supervise her at home 24/7. It just isn't possible. Your other kids deserve a safe home. They should NOT live with her. When my oldest was violent and we discovered his abuse of our daughter, we had to go to the doctor to get referrals to get the help she needed (he was already seeing about everyone possible while still outpatient) and we asked her to help us report the abuse. The investigation wasn't fast or fun, but it was needed. We were told that if we did not keep the other kids safe then they could be removed from our home. Having a written safety plan posted in every room was a big help in assuring CPS that our kids were kept safe.</p><p></p><p>In your case? I don't think you can protect them from her. I think you need to ask the atty to help disrupt the adoption and turn her over to social services. Chances are it will take that to get the help she needs, and I think she will be a danger to your children for a very long time. Your other kids deserve to be safe in their own home, period. That MUST be the main goal right now. I know they are safe now, because she is in a hospital. But it has to become permanent or they won't be safe when she comes home. The help she needs will take YEARS and if they can send her to your home then they will. If she is placed in cps custody, they may try a home setting, but before long they will see that she is not safe and they will place ehr somewhere that she can get some help.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 498587, member: 1233"] I know you are attached to her. I also know how limited my experiences with adoption are. I have one friend from high school who adopted twin boys from another country, but they not only had each other, they had amazing foster parents and from the time they were born they were with the foster parents until my friend and her husband went to get them. They are fairly normal little boys now that the language barrier has been demolished. I think you need to refuse to bring this girl home. You KNOW she has done severe damage to several children. You do NOT know what she has done to your other kids. I don't CARE how big the other kdis are. It is super easy to go into a room when someone is asleep and hurt them. It is also not that hard to mkae a threat that is believable to force them to hide the behavior. Until your kids are totally positive that she won't EVER come back AND they are workign wtih a therapist, they are not going to tell you if she hurt them. I KNOW I sound cold and uncaring toward her. I fully sympathize with how awful she must feel inside. How she must hate herself and feel unloved, how she probably has no clue what love even is. I WANT her to get help, real help and learn to love and accept love. I just don't think it wll actually happen. Not in the time you have before she is 18. Given how damaged she is, it seems very unsafe to bring her back to your home - ever. I don't know how you would terminate the adoption, but it may be the safest thing to do. You may have to pay child support and I doubt she would be sent back to India, but there is NO WAY she should EVER live in a home with children of any age in it. Safety MUST be the priority. No exceptions. You cannot supervise her at home 24/7. It just isn't possible. Your other kids deserve a safe home. They should NOT live with her. When my oldest was violent and we discovered his abuse of our daughter, we had to go to the doctor to get referrals to get the help she needed (he was already seeing about everyone possible while still outpatient) and we asked her to help us report the abuse. The investigation wasn't fast or fun, but it was needed. We were told that if we did not keep the other kids safe then they could be removed from our home. Having a written safety plan posted in every room was a big help in assuring CPS that our kids were kept safe. In your case? I don't think you can protect them from her. I think you need to ask the atty to help disrupt the adoption and turn her over to social services. Chances are it will take that to get the help she needs, and I think she will be a danger to your children for a very long time. Your other kids deserve to be safe in their own home, period. That MUST be the main goal right now. I know they are safe now, because she is in a hospital. But it has to become permanent or they won't be safe when she comes home. The help she needs will take YEARS and if they can send her to your home then they will. If she is placed in cps custody, they may try a home setting, but before long they will see that she is not safe and they will place ehr somewhere that she can get some help. [/QUOTE]
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