frazzled and sad

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Lee Leone, Dec 28, 2011.

  1. Lee Leone

    Lee Leone New Member

    My 13/girl bipolar,turretts ptsd. risperidal,citalpram. she was hospitallized early dec hypomanic. I am a single parent not in the best of health. This is my last child at home she lies steals at home,friends ,family, and as a special Christmas bonus stores also. doesnt lift a finger in the house ..She tells people that I beat and abuse her,stays up alnight if I am not phisically in my bed roomshe will go take what she wants I mean a 2 minute hit and run .if she goes to the bathroom at any ones house she steals.
    right before going to the hospital shje topld my best friend that she was scared for her to leave because I would beat her which lead to the end of the friend ship because she would not tell she waas lying(it all started because she was not going to get hair done with us because of breaking a rule soon as the dust up was over and her audience was gone and I wasnt going to get my hair done either,tears dried up she was fine. She manipulates and lies like an expert. her treatment team says her next step is group home placement. this tears my heart out I love her more than anything she is smart genius smart but emotionaly behind. I feel like group home is a like a jail.child protective services said to take everything out of her room give her 2 sets of clothes .great idea but we live in a tiny apartment no where to put all her things they also say I am too soft heartedand should be more strict. She argues and antagonizes from the moment she opens her eyes I could be the strictest mom in the world but it does not matterbecause she doesnot listen to anything. I am going to have to make a decision about placement by 1/09/12 I know I am blabering. mental heaith care for children around here is not good. she would also be placed far away from where I live I know there are no easy answers I just needed a computer screen to cry on. Thank you guys
  2. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    I am so sorry you had to find us but am more glad you did. When was the last time she was evaluated and/or had a medication change? Some medications (risperdal for one) are either an answer to a prayer or your worst nightmare. If she is bipolar, why isn't she on a mood stabilizer? What does the PTSD stem from? What happened to her to result in that? If you can find the right group home, it could be helpful for HER. She needs to be supervised 24/7 AND she needs structure AND she needs to learn to follow rules.

    I know how hard this must be. When difficult child 1 was on the risperdal, his aggression got so bad I was seriously thinking about sending him somewhere also. I couldn't handle him ALONE. When we realized it was the medication and stopped it, the behaviors went away.

    What does the psychiatrist say about all this?
  3. Lee Leone

    Lee Leone New Member

    her medications were just changed. psy is the one who says residental placement.ptsd would be too personal for me to post. I know what you are saying about a good group home but those are not in this area
  4. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    Your story (change her to him) is our story. I wish I had a group home for him to go to.
  5. Lee Leone

    Lee Leone New Member

    Bless you . how do you keep it togther?
  6. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    I cry a lot.
  7. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    That's why the rest of us are here...
    At least we get a soft shoulder, a listening ear, kind words.... even when there are no easy or obvious answers.
    Because... here, WE know what its like when the systems don't work, when family deserts, when there is no where else to turn...

    Feel free to vent, dump, unload...
  8. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Another heart break this morning. I am so sorry for you too. So hard to see the kid you know is inside of there to be behaving like this. It does sound like you might need to let her go to get her back though. I too would be fighting for any other service IF it was possible, but sounds like there is not much left to try. Even if you could do the room is not likely to resolve everything. As many of us will testify, we do those things, but our kids are not the ones who respond some of the more common behavioral methods. It could help for sure, just probably with all of the medical and mental health issues would not be the full answer. Whatever you decide you have lots of listeners here, we all know that you can try one road and hit a block and try again and again and it just feels overwhelming at times. We are here to encourage you. Hang tough!
  9. exhausted

    exhausted Active Member

    I'v been through it. Mine is 17-still not OK but doing better after 2 residential treatment centers-1 private,1 public. Got worse with each one, but has been out since August and finially not running. Has a job and is doing better. We have not had habitual stealing behavior but do have stealing $ to support marijuana use a few times. Wonder if she might still be using. At 14 we could not control her. 2 parents, in decent health, with pretty good skills, strict I would say. They can and will be in total control.

    Are there other places than group homes? Is there some treatment places with residential component? GHs don't always have a good mental health component. It's a tough decision-I'm not sure we did the right thing given the PTSD issues. We did what we had to keep her safe. Hang in there and keep us posted.
  10. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Are you sure she isn't taking recreational drugs or drinking, which would make the medications not work and her condition and behavior worse? Stealing is a huge red flag for drug use. My daughter started at twelve and we didn't have a clue. We didn't think kids took drugs so young, but they do.

    Has she always been this way? I she your biological child? Any early family trauma or relationship breaks, such as being shuffled from one caregiver to another? Where is dad in this? Is she getting treatment for the Tourettes too?

    Sorry to ask so many questions. If you can answer, it helps gives us a better picture and maybe better suggestions.
  11. Lee Leone

    Lee Leone New Member

    She is never anywhere unsupervised,her father is better out of the picture and has no parental rights. she goes to school, home and church activities.
  12. Lee Leone

    Lee Leone New Member

    her stealing started at 7 she is under treatment for her issues . the things she steals are rarely of any great value food ,makeup, pens markers sometimes things that are hard to understand saltshaker,scotch tape
  13. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Could her stealing be more "hoarding/collecting"??? My son gathers tons of stuff, not the stealing stuff I talked about earlier in a thread, but he collects pamphlets, shells, old mail, pencils, just a bunch of stuff. May be related to her Tourette's? Kind of obsessive and compulsive behavior? Just throwing out things since you mentioned that diagnosis. was in the mix. How are you doing today??
  14. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Welcome. I can feel your heartbreak in your posts. I am so sorry it has come to this. I have a son who did a LOT of what you are talking about. Including telling a TON of lies about how we abused him to anyone with an ear. I know it feels wrong, but sometimes you must let them go to get them back. My son ended up living with my parents who are about 20 mn from us when he was 14. They were positive that I was the cause of ALL of his problems until he backed my mother up to a wall threatening her. She didn't do anything that I didn't do when he did that to me, and suddenly it wasn't "all" my fault that he was so abusive and violent.

    It took a lot of time and more heartbreak, but he did turn everything around. There CAN be a good outcome but it won't be fast. I NEVER dreamed my son would have the same job for four years, tons of actual friends, and be a loving son and big brother but that is where we are now. He is in college locally, is very loving, and works hard - ALL major changes from the grave or prison cell that we all saw in his future if he didn't change things. The big reason we got him out of the house is because we were afraid he was going to kill me or our daughter or that I would have to kill him to defend myself. NONE of that seemed like a good outcome and thankfully we prevented it.

    There is a link in my signature that will take you to a thread that has an outline of a Parent Report. It is a way to organize ALL the info about your daughter. I strongly recommend you create one - it is one of the most powerful tools you can have to get the right help for her.