Freaking out over easy child right now. (If this should be moved to Emeritus feel free)

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by StressedM0mma, Jul 7, 2013.

  1. StressedM0mma

    StressedM0mma Active Member

    husband and I have been getting on easy child to take out her loan for school for the fall. She has been ignoring for more than a month. Tonight I really got after her, and she told us that she does not want to continue in the program she is in, she hated it, and was not having a good time. She has decided that she would like to be a vet tech. And maybe a vet. OK. husband and I so do not care. But, she wanted to enroll in some online school. That freaked me out. So, I looked at the university she is attending, and they have a program. So, she can just transfer to the other campus and take her credits with her. Now to just get everything situated. Oh, and she told difficult child what she wanted to do, but that she was afraid to tell us. difficult child very wisely told her "mommy and daddy do not care what you decide to do as long as you are happy." And when easy child finally broke down and told us, we told her exactly that. Now I just hope we can get everything sorted out in time for school to start.
  2. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Stressed, I went through a similar experience with my easy child. She was accepted into the art foundation program of our local university (that actually has the best fine arts school of any public university in the country) beating out thousands of others. She had set this as her goal when she was a sophomore in high school. Fast forward a few months into her freshman year - she hated it!

    She hated the whole "art on demand" and the total art only immersion of the program. She wanted to major in photography but be exposed to more. My suggestion to her was to stay with the program for the first year since she had made the commitment and needed to give it a chance. If she felt the same way in the spring she could address what was next from that point.

    Come spring she was in the same place. She was very emotional coming to me because, in her words, "she didn't want to disappoint me". My advise to her, because at this point she was at a loss as to what she wanted to do, was to bow out of the program. Since no matter what she wanted to pursue through a degree was going to require her to "study the basics", I suggested that she sign right up for classes at our local community college in the fall and just start pecking away at the science, math, english, etc.

    Now we sit 2.5 years later and she has found her career path. Our state has a program where, if you attend a community college and maintain a high GPA, once you have received your associate degree you are guaranteed admittance to any state college or university of your choice! Since she is working part time and going to school part time it is taking her a little longer, but she is set to attend a very prestigious university for her masters as a Special Education teacher.

    Stressed, some of our kids need a little extra time. Some go right on to college and finish those four years and move right on to their career of choice. But others need more time to decide where they want to go in the future. My thing was not to push but more suggest since my little birdie need a little extra time to learn to fly!

    I think the most important thing is to always separate who we want or expect our children to be from who they are or what they wish to be. Naturally there is a line that needs to be drawn if you are dealing with a lazy kid that has no motivation. It's probably a good idea to sit with our daughter and lay out a plan. Here's the scenario should you not return to school to school and here is what happens if you do.....

    Hang in there!

  3. TeDo

    TeDo CD Hall of Fame

    I'm assuming, Stressed, that it's the online part that is freaking you out. Having experience with this "new form of education" with my kids, it can be a lifesaver. Here in MN, most of our colleges and technical schools have online programs. The only concern I would have with doing the online college is that it's with a reputable school. We have found that the online programs allow for personal schedule flexibility and also allows for acceleration. Anyhow, that's just my two cents worth.
  4. StressedM0mma

    StressedM0mma Active Member

    TeDo, that is exactly what was stressing me out. I am sad that she is giving up something that she seemed to love so much, but she felt similarly to your daughter Little Dude. And, she said that she realized she didn't want to teach. She said that she was depressed during the year, and it wasn't her thing. I am just so sad that she didn't come to me. But, she was so worried we would be disappointed.
    We did go over some things, and the university she is enrolled in has a great vet tech program. And, she has agreed to attend there. Big sigh of relief. I do understand her whole not knowing what she wants to do. I took over 6 years to finish college, and never really used my degree at all. So, I will be helping her in the next couple of days to sort out how to transfer to the other campus, and see how to enroll in that program.

    She also mentioned that she did not want to run up a bunch of debt in student loans not knowing what she wants to be when she grows up. I do think she made a very smart decision there, and told her so.
  5. StressedM0mma

    StressedM0mma Active Member

    easy child also has worked for the animal rescue I am with for 2 summers now. This summer she was given a ton of responsibility. She said that she was so very happy doing this, and that was what made her think this might be the right decision for her. I just hate that we are scrambling at this point. I like to have everything well planned out.
  6. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    BOTH of your kids are making huge strides forward as young adults.
    Sometimes it's hard to see the forest for the trees...

    MANY kids don't "find themselves" at 18... they have to go down a few dead ends. I did it too... had a career path all planned, and it didn't work, it just wasn't me. "Fell" into something else and... I've been doing it ever since.

    For difficult child to give such wise counsel... she IS listening to you, she IS finding herself too... it just takes longer for some kids.
  7. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Well, better a false alarm now than 3 yrs from now! Glad she finally told you. I hope she finishes any online or snailmail applications and loans in time for it all.
  8. StressedM0mma

    StressedM0mma Active Member

    I am relieved that she told me too. And, we are VERY happy that she decided this now, and not after 4 years and 60k or more in loans.
  9. svengandhi

    svengandhi Well-Known Member

    Another thing to consider is that the student loan rates may come down if Congress can reach an agreement so maybe she should wait until the end of the summer to do the loans, if she needs them.

    My daughter is the 5th year of a 5 year program to get her BA and Masters in Special Education. Now, she tells me that she wants to travel around the country and teach children to play ukulele. Can we say oi vey? At least, she has no loans but I've spent money to help her get her degree. I'd like her to get tenure, do her fun stuff in the summers and then do it full time if it's working on.
  10. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I also agree that difficult child gave wise advice. Glad that easy child finally fessed up to you.

    I actually started out in college the fall after HS before we knew I was pregnant with my oldest son. I dropped out of course but then when my ex left me I started back. Ever since I was a little girl I had read books about female doctors and had made up my mind that was what I wanted to be. The first semester in I practically failed biology and realized I really didnt like the idea of blood. Not a good thing for being a doctor. I left school again.

    Several years later after I had my second son I started at a technical school in another state. This time I was convinced I wanted to go into some form of computer programming degree. Well, after the first semester I realized that my strength was in Accounting. Oh I passed all the other classes with straight A's but accounting just fit me like a glove. I had never wanted to go into accounting because thats what my father did but it seems I must have inherited it from him. It was just easy to me. I ended up really loving going to school and graduated with a 4.0 average and I had 3 kids under the age of 6 at the time!
  11. StressedM0mma

    StressedM0mma Active Member

    Thanks everyone for the encouraging words. It was just such a shock to hear. And, I will be honest, I absolutely LOVED watching her play. I really think she loves to play, but that the program turned it into such work that the love was lost. She leaves to head back to school in a few weeks, and I am hoping for the best for her.