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Free fall freshman year
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 635937" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Hi. Sorry you have to be here, but welcome.</p><p></p><p>Is he using drugs? Drinking too much? He could be doing ANY drugs and you would not know, actually. That happened to us.</p><p></p><p>Often, what we want for our adult kids isn't what they want. In fact, on this forum, that's the norm. Does he follow your rules when he lives at home?</p><p></p><p>In the case of our grown children, they all seem to shoot themselves in the foot, but they know they are doing it and often it is because they don't care. And we can't make them care.</p><p></p><p>Any problems with the law or violence at home? Does he work?</p><p></p><p>Sadly, you can't make him want to be a college graduate. And if he doesn't value it, he will sabotage it.</p><p></p><p>Plenty of BTDTs here...lol.</p><p></p><p>At his age, not sure you cand discipline him. You can set boundaries, like "You either straighten up, obey the law, and treat us with respect or not only will you be out of college, you will have to find elsewhere to live" (then leave it up to him) or allow him to control YOU. And that, in my opinion, is not good for anyone, your family, yourself or him. You have given him more help than many of us can afford, and he is still not on track. There is nothing more you can do, therapy-wise, at his age. Now it's all about setting boundaries, sticking to them, tough love, and detaching enough to realize that your dreams may not be his. And that you have control over your reaction to your son, but 0% control over his final decisions. Many of our difficult child's goals are simply not to listen to rules, party/do drugs all day/night and even be homeless so that they don't have any rules to follow. Few finish college. I can't off hand think of any that did. They will go for the fun, like your son, but don't have direction or goals and some stop going and spend any money given to them on things other than school. They walk to a different beat. They don't share our morals and values. Some don't care about societal norms. Some expect us to support them forever and get furious when we finally get fed up and cut off the money. I think that's an important step for us...but that comes with time. He may not go to Community College because living at home is no fun.</p><p></p><p>Hugs for your hurting mommy heart! Others will come along.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 635937, member: 1550"] Hi. Sorry you have to be here, but welcome. Is he using drugs? Drinking too much? He could be doing ANY drugs and you would not know, actually. That happened to us. Often, what we want for our adult kids isn't what they want. In fact, on this forum, that's the norm. Does he follow your rules when he lives at home? In the case of our grown children, they all seem to shoot themselves in the foot, but they know they are doing it and often it is because they don't care. And we can't make them care. Any problems with the law or violence at home? Does he work? Sadly, you can't make him want to be a college graduate. And if he doesn't value it, he will sabotage it. Plenty of BTDTs here...lol. At his age, not sure you cand discipline him. You can set boundaries, like "You either straighten up, obey the law, and treat us with respect or not only will you be out of college, you will have to find elsewhere to live" (then leave it up to him) or allow him to control YOU. And that, in my opinion, is not good for anyone, your family, yourself or him. You have given him more help than many of us can afford, and he is still not on track. There is nothing more you can do, therapy-wise, at his age. Now it's all about setting boundaries, sticking to them, tough love, and detaching enough to realize that your dreams may not be his. And that you have control over your reaction to your son, but 0% control over his final decisions. Many of our difficult child's goals are simply not to listen to rules, party/do drugs all day/night and even be homeless so that they don't have any rules to follow. Few finish college. I can't off hand think of any that did. They will go for the fun, like your son, but don't have direction or goals and some stop going and spend any money given to them on things other than school. They walk to a different beat. They don't share our morals and values. Some don't care about societal norms. Some expect us to support them forever and get furious when we finally get fed up and cut off the money. I think that's an important step for us...but that comes with time. He may not go to Community College because living at home is no fun. Hugs for your hurting mommy heart! Others will come along. [/QUOTE]
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