Freedom

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by candiecotton, May 10, 2010.

  1. candiecotton

    candiecotton Guest

    Thats what G wants
    she told me that she is telling her lawyer & the socal worker that she doesnt want to come home because she wants her freedom .
    she went shopping last week with the girls inthe group home she came home with a skirt on that was about 6 inches too short ( its not ptoper to say what we call thay type of skirt lets say its a muffin warmer)
    & i told her it was a nice skirt but it is a little too short & she had 2 choices either leggins under or take it back & get a longer one ( i know the manager it wouldnt of been a ni ssue to return it) & she started saying she has no freedom she cant go on the computer ( she goes on facebook & causes trouble even though i have discontinued her facebook , 0 she cant go on my phone ( see reason for no comouter) she doesnt have her phone ( in 2 months she drove the bill to almost $2000 ) & she cant go to the park with the other children ( the socal worker said that she doesnt want her alone withthe younger children because she has hurt them in the past) she cant go out by herself ( see skirt shortness)
    id love tto find that poem out years ago about the childs"rights" it would set her straight.
    so now tonight they had CLB (church lads brigade simmilar to the cadets) & its not a visit night so hubby said to come down ( its about 10 min away walking) & she didnt she got one of the workers from the group home to get her . but she called & asked if she could stay out all night tomorrow nught . so i think once C goes to bed we are going to have one of our talks about her moods again i want to see if theres anything we can do to make it easier & next week im going to request a meeting witht he head worker in the group home . when i have a day off because we have to see what we can do to help her because this is getting out of control . & if shes going to be in there longer they have to help me with her issues . even if they dont believe me that shes the way she is .

    im sorry again i didnt mean to ramble but it is so good to get things out







    7 now im sleepy of to bed with me night all
     
  2. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I hope you were able to sleep last night.

    I'm sure G wants more freedom-problem is she had it and wasn't able to handle it. I'm sorry she is struggling so much. Your comment to her about the skirt was fine-I think you handled it very well. She is one of those kiddos (like mine) who will try to argue about everything and that is so difficult. I think scheduling that meeting is a great idea. Hugs.
     
  3. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I agree with Sharon, scheduling a meeting with the head worker sounds like it's needed. And, difficult child or or, 15 is a tough navigable age - she's going to push and test, and pull and test, and argue and attempt to assert her independence....
     
  4. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    I had a best friend who was like this, when we were 15. My mother was scandalised at my friend's behaviour and began to stop passing on messages or letting me spend time with her. The thing is, I was already smart enough to not be led astray by her.

    I remember my two good friends from where I grew up staying for the weekend at our new house. One friend I am still in touch with, she was the celebrant for easy child 2/difficult child 2's wedding. But this friend in question - she could not be controlled. However, unlike G my friend was a lot more capable in practical terms.

    I remember when my friend stayed, she left her skirt on a dolls' cradle I had in my room. The skirt spread out like a mini-bedspread for the dolls. My friend made her own clothes, which is how she had a skirt that was as short as she wanted it. Seriously, that skirt looked like a wide belt, not a skirt. She wore that skirt to church on the Sunday morning, and my friends at our new church were as scandalised as my mother had been. I had wanted my friends at church to like my friends from my old town, but my short-skirted friend had no chance; she was so determined to flirt, to be seen as sexy, to be seen as sophisticated, that she disgusted everyone.

    Very sad, really.

    But nothing could be done, until she worked this out for herself. No parental controls ever worked. And it wasn't a case of all kids in that family running wild; my friend was the only kid in her (large) family that went off the rails at all.

    I believe she turned out OK. Got married young, divorced young, had kids young. But she was always practical and capable, plus I think she eventually grew up.

    She had been using sex to boost her own self-esteem. If guys slept with her, then it meant she was loved, she was attractive, she had value in someone else's eyes. And she dressed provocatively and flirted, in order to bring in more guys to make her feel good about herself. This would have rebounded and made her feel bad because she knew this wasn't the right way to behave.

    She was smart. I'm sure that eventually she sorted herself out. But in the meantime, it as like watching a train wreck in slow motion.

    I'm sorry, but all you can do is what you are already doing. It's not your fault, sometimes this just happens. She has to realise things for herself, and maybe if she keeps trying to apply for emancipation, she will learn through others that it's not all it's cracked up to be. Also, it isn't what she is really craving. It only seems to be.

    Marg
     
  5. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    {{{Candie}}}

    You just keep doing what you're doing. You handled the skirt matter well, everything too. Schedule that meeting to reiterate what the short and long term goals are with your girl.

    She's 15 and just wants her freedom. Ha! How many times I've heard that coming out of the mouth of a 15 year old, I cannot even remember! My neices, my daughters, in particular my now 20 year old difficult child. Everytime one of them would say they wanted their freedom, I would remind them that with freedom comes great responsibilities and it isn't as easy as it looks.

    I really feel for you - ugh, I do remember that feeling of not having any influence or control over them...because you really don't. If she's determined, she will find a way. All you can do is the best you know how. Hugs~
     
  6. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Candie--

    Sounds about the same here at my house. My difficult child wants to be "free"...

    problem is, she doesn't really know what she wants to do with herself once she gets that "freedom"....so whenever she gets the slighest privildege at all--she blows it.

    So as a parent, what can ya do? Just set the boundaries as best you can (yes, making her return an ultra-short skirt is a good one).
     
  7. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    If she is living in a group home why are YOU having to set all the rules? I don't know how things work in your country. Here the group homes have rules and parents are supposed to adjust time when they are home to not have them break the rules when they get there. If the group home people took her shopping and let her purchase the skirt then it should be on THEM to deal with it. Of course when it comes to your home you have to say no. I understand that. But when you speak to the head worker you might tell them that they need to be more responsible as they ARE responsible for her. At least if it works that way where you live.

    As for her freedom, she has already proved that she cannot handle it. I am sorry she is so difficult.
     
  8. compassion

    compassion Member

    Freedom, In m experience with m daughter, she is more like this when she is manic,it is part of her mood disorder. I am less judgemental today but know I can't reason with her. The freedom to her extent is part of her disorder also. I choose my battles. Acceptance helps. Compassion
     
  9. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    But don't you know how G rolls?

    This is 15-year old difficult child behavior at its finest.
     
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