Friday update!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by klmno, Feb 13, 2009.

  1. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I tried calling the university law clinic- they have no clinic class on juveniles this semester so they can't help. I tried to call the court appointment attny but got voice mail so I left messages- I'll have to resolve the attny matter Monday. There isn't time to go get someone completely unfamiliar with any of this and get them on board before the court date- unnless I had a lot more money than I do.

    As far as difficult child, I met with the team of profs today (we won't get into where or what facility). They said the following:

    1) They said difficult child was forthcoming and talking to the various profs/staff about his issues and moods. They realize there is a little honeymooning going on but believe it isn't all that. difficult child apparently even told one of them that if he was there a long time and they saw more of what he was like, they might not like him so much. It seemed clear to me that they are still evaluation'ing how much of difficult child's issues are really coming out and what is really behind them all. That is ok- I am glad they are doing that. It might take a little while, but it's better than them either assuming I'm the cause of all the problems or that difficult child has no problems at all or that he's just a bad kid with no issues that need mental health care. And, I'd rather them evaluation him themselves than to overlook something that may have been overlooked by others.

    And, I've always had this doubt if the erratic and irrational behavior that difficult child gets into is true BiPolar (BP) mania, or just "losing it" because he has given up and can't deal with the negative feelings he's experiencing.

    2) difficult child has started self-injuring (cutting and hitting /bruising self) up there. (It should be obvious now that this isn't a result of the environment he is living in because it isn't just happening at home)

    3) difficult child has discussed some things that have been stressing him out- the lack of friends, probation, school, me- my stress and our depressive state at home and that I had discussed placing him in foster care for a short period

    4) difficult child is discussing his various moods and they are helping him with coping skills.

    5) difficult child told them about smoking cigs a lot and they are starting him in a substance abuse group and with a substance abuse counselor (a little) because they share my concern that difficult child is very vunerable to this leading to illegal substances (cigs are illegal for a kid his age, but we mean other street drugs).

    6)They are not seeing BiPolar (BP) or CD signs in him. I told them I knew of some mood changes this past week, based on what he told me, but could not be sure if it was to the extent of being BiPolar (BP). They said they are seeing him feeling overwhelmed, remorseful, anxious, frustrated, worried, and angry. They have him listed as being there for depression and suicide risk.

    7) They recommend CBT. They still recommend Residential Treatment Center (RTC) (psychiatric).

    8) They say that they hear and see signs in him that he is a true risk for suicide if he was to be sent to detention, especially state juvy, and they do not believe that difficult child is just saying things to try to manipulate the system (both psychiatrist and counselor said this). psychiatrist said again that difficult child would not do well in detention, he's not the type of kid it would help, and in fact, it would more than likely be a long term detriment to difficult child. He said he would tell GAL directly, I asked if he'd put it in writing. (I know how this GAL can forget things sometimes- but she isn't as bad as the PO). psychiatrist said he was so concerned about it that they are going to ask that difficult child be transported to his trial very early in the morning, even though his trial is 1st thing in the morning, so he wouldn't have to spend one night in detention. But, again, he said all he could do was recommend it, it would be up to our county juvenile agency to decide what to do.

    9) psychiatrist said difficult child is bright and if he gets a grip on his life, that he might do better in private school or boarding school than in mainstream public school. He said difficult child wants to be a vet and could do well.

    10) The mental health person who was on speaker phone from the detention center (as part of the required team) said that difficult child still needed consequences and it didn't matter if he had mental health issues or not- she said about all the kids in detention had learning or mental health issues and they still were being punished. She said I should talk to PO about Residential Treatment Center (RTC) because that would be county services, not an ordered punishment. She said she didn't know who difficult child was and had never even met him. (Side note- I need to make sure people understand that Residential Treatment Center (RTC) isn't exactly a vacation- I think it's both punishment and mental health treatment. Anyway, the judge CAN order it, but it is rare and they aren't supposed to order it without in-home services being tried first, however, that's because they have to try LRE. But, if choice is state juvy or Residential Treatment Center (RTC), then Residential Treatment Center (RTC) is LRE)

    11) After the detention mental health person hung up, I got a couple of looks form the profs like they were starting to understand- if this was our county mental health dept. talking, how much worse is PO? (A LOT) But, judge is more knowledgable. Then psychiatrist told me he got the form back from the court about what priviledges they would allow difficult child to have. The choices were, a) outside supervised by staff, b) off campus supervised by staff, c) off campus pass supervised by parent, d) NONE, e) leave it up to place of treatment.

    The judge must not have turned this over to PO to decide because psychiatrist said she (the judge) chose to leave it up to the place of treatment and the psychiatrist commented that "this judge must already be very familiar with difficult child and know all his history". I found that interesting- I figure it's good news because she could have allowed outings supervised by staff but not parent but she didn't state that- she is allowing any outings as long as the place of treatment is ok with it. Anyway, it appeared to be more confirmation to them that I was summing these people up pretty well to them- our county agencies and their reps hoover- but if you don't let that scare you to death and still go to the judge with what you truly recommend, you might get a much more reasonable and objective decision. (I have learned that the hard way.)

    Thanks to all those that are hanging in there with me thru this!!
    Last edited: Feb 13, 2009
  2. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    It really sounds hopeful, andalso sounds like your efforts are bearing fruit. I guess that's not surprising, considering all the fertiliser the local court system has been spreading through the orchard!

  3. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    LOL!! That was pretty creative, Marg!! Thank you!
  4. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    K, I agree everything sounds promising. I so hope difficult child gets the treatment he needs. What an amazing warrior mom you are!
  5. bran155

    bran155 Guest

    I hope everything works out! Sounds positive.

    You should where a red cape with a big yellow "S" on it, you are the poster child for all SUPERMOMS!!!!

    Keeping my fingers crossed. :)
  6. Jena

    Jena New Member

    Wow it does sound hopeful and it sounds like their covering all grounds. I'm so glad that you have ppl on your side now helping.

    Hang in there :)

  7. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Thanks everyone. I've been awake for the past 3 hours - I'd been doing much better about being able to sleep thru the night, but I guess I'm still not completely there yet. I'm still worried about what will happen with difficult child at his court. I'm skeptical about so many people anymore, after dealing with people in Department of Juvenile Justice for so long and seeing how they make rash decisions based on assumptions so many times.

    More and more I'm thinking that having Department of Juvenile Justice people involved in our lives is a detriment. I know it's supposed to be a punishment for difficult child, a deterrent for him, and a means to "fix" family problems that might be leading to delinquency, but in difficult child's case, it hasn't helped anything and has only increased problems and stress for us. I'm not talking about having to go to court when he's done something wrong, I'm talking about being on probation.

    I'm going to have to take advantage of this current situation to start letting people know that.
  8. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I agree that it does sound promising. I hope the court will do the right thing. You have been such an incredible warrior mom through this all.
  9. Janna

    Janna New Member

    Sounds like they're doing what they can to get difficult child the help he needs. That's great. Hope you find a good (psychiatric - do tours first) Residential Treatment Facility (RTF) for difficult child so he can learn.

    Sorry to hear about the cutting. *sigh* I always hate to hear kids are doing that. So sad.
  10. ML

    ML Guest

    I'm praying that things settle into a good direction and that you are able to get some peace! Love you, ML
  11. Alttlgabby

    Alttlgabby New Member

    Wow! You really have a lot to deal with! Bless you! I hope that with your son being where he is, he will get whatever help he truly needs. It sounds like he might. Why does it always take such extreme behavior to get someone to listen to parents? I hope you move past this quickly and that things go in the right direction. Good Luck!
  12. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Late checking in... but it definitely sounds like the staff at the psychiatric hospital are on the ball and being very thorough. It must be such a relief to finally have a team of people who "get it."