Friday

[AmericanGirl]

I get such strength from your replies. Thank you all....

difficult child continues to stay with a family he met in a meeting. We message briefly through FB. He is talking with his sponsor every day.

Had a breakdown of sorts last night. Finally gave in to my emotions. Today I feel as if I had food poisoning. It's not that...it's everything else.

Awoke from a dream where God's voice was asking me, "So, are you going to trust Me, or not?" I'm trying to....

At least for right now, difficult child appears sober and clean.

 

[Calamity Jane]

You must've been operating on adrenaline, now you need to rest. Please take care of yourself, and I hope difficult child continues to speak with his sponsor and reach for sobriety.

 

[pasajes4]

You have got to take care of you. You need to be healthy so the day he is ready to get help you will have the strength to be there for him.

 

[Nancy]

Aww AG I wish we lived closer. You are doing good. Sometimes we need to cry. He is clean and sober today and that is reason to celebrate.

Nancy

 

[exhausted]

AG you have done it all. You have given it your all. You need to rest and be calm-mind numbing activities and a good friend. I am glad difficult child is back on the horse-all part of the disease this relapse cycle. And this was a scary one-I hope he scared himself as well (lets hope!).

I agree about letting God-but remember he guides us to do certain things-we just don't sit there and say, " Good luck God". You have done so well. Stay connected spiritually and he will continue to guide you. I think sometimes our dreams are the place that our own minds talk to us. Please rest.

 

[Signorina]

Please take good care of yourself. I think you became ill because difficult child was finally in a safe place and you allowed yourself to FINALLY breakdown. Before that, you had to hold it all together and stay on your toes "just in case". You are a strong warrior mom.

Who was it that wanted a "rehab" place for us moms? Lounge chairs, spa treatments, cute pool boys? If only...

 

[AmericanGirl]

That was me....waving hands wildly!!!

I made a list this morning of boundaries....for myself. Okay full disclosure...I got a talking to last week by my al-anon sponsor. Here's part...

1. Set cell to go off every night at 8:30. Take Ambien. (only for a couple of weeks to reset my sleep cycle.)
2. Out of bed by 7:00. Set clock across room to make that happen.
3. Some physical exercise daily. Even 10 minutes.
4. Move cell and ipad away from bed. No checking them on middle of the night bathroom runs.
5. Two outreach calls a day at a minimum.
6. No junk food or alcohol in the house.
7. Nightly gratitude check posted on FB.

I know I won't be 100% but this will make me feel better.

I finally felt safe enough to open my drapes today. Was like a tomb in here....

Happy Saturday all!!

 

[Signorina]

Welcome back to the SUN!!!

And I am copying your list (well, except for number 6 ;-p )

#1 and 2 are especially missing in my life...

I am not sleeping well lately. Anxiety and so much on my mind (not all difficult child) so that sometimes in the middle of the night my thoughts just race. So I grab my iphone, see if there are messages from difficult child (not) and sometimes I surf a little or play Scrabble at 3am and then it's 4am and 5 am and before I know it - the alarm goes off and I am just starting to get sleepy again. And I know H isn't happy with it. And I haven't been sleeping well - so then I loll about in bed in the morning - checking my iphone, watching GMA - and before I know it - the morning is slipping away...(and it used to be the most productive part of my day)

I need that REHAB for moms...

 

[AmericanGirl]

Haha...Sig. I'm curled in bed now with animals. GMA done. Now watching Yard Crashers. But....I've been up and started my day. So...it's better. Baby steps for us too.

My therapist suggested if my mind runs amock in the middle of the night to go journalize those thoughts.

It takes the Ambien about 90-120 minutes to calm my wild mind. I need a hold switch on it.

Maybe we can create a sort of rehab here for ourselves? Just a thought...

 

[InsaneCdn]

Writing down those middle-of-the-night thoughts helps.
When I had trouble sleeping, I was told to only have 5 things on my nightstand: glasses and watch (where else would you put them anyway?), alarm clock (or across the room if need be), and a pad of paper and a pen. Mini-flashlight optional, so you can see to write. (I was single at the time so just turned on a light.)

No books, no electronics, no distractions in the sleeping room.
Make it as dark as possible, keep it cool. The rest of the house needs to be as light as you can make it until about an hour before bedtime, at which point you can switch to dimmer lights.

If you wake up in the night and can't get back to sleep in 15 minutes, leave the room. Go somewhere else and read something soporific. No electronics - seriously, these shouldn't be used within an hour of bed time, because they affect the brain in ways that make sleep difficult. When you feel sleepy again, go back to bed. Keep BED for sleeping (ok, that too).

And then... keep a regular schedule. Bed time the same every night. Get up at same time every morning. Meals at set times too. You need to reset your body clock.

Lack of sufficient quality and quantity of sleep is used as a form of torture, for good reason. It rapidly induces insanity.

 

[AmericanGirl]

Insane...

Thanks for the suggestions....great list!

 

[Nancy]

I love your list. I have finally gotten pretty good at not looking at my cell in the middle of the night and I have been getting up by 7am. I've also found it helpful to do somethng nice every day for myself every day, no matter how small. One day it may to put my lawn chair in the shade and sit there for 20 minutes and enjoy nature, another day it may be to clean out a drawer and throw a bunch of junk out to feel less cluttered.

AG what you have been living through would have any of us up all night with minds doing an Olympic relay so I understand how you would want to curl up in bed with drapes drawn and animals around you. I'm glad you are taking steps to take care of yourself.

I definitely need moms rehab.

Nancy

 

[AmericanGirl]

Nancy...we have all been there, you within the last week. It's survival of the sanest...and difficult child ain't even in the running.

Besides, I am mad at him again. Here is his 1:20 a.m. FB message to me...why did you change the password to my email? I need the password. I dont know why you do things to get under my skin and inconvenience me. I thought we were on the right track.

I want to reply....*I* inconvenience *you*???? Are you KIDDING me?!? But difficult child doesn't have a clue. I reminded him of his password and told him that was rude and he owed me an apology.

He told me he was helping to install a metal roof today two hours from where he is staying. Should be interesting to see him doing actual labor. May be just what he needs to feel better about hmself. Wish he'd go pay his overdue $50 fine to the court. Sigh...

Shopping list....addict talk go away spray, anti-arrogance pills for difficult child (large economy size), astronomy chart so difficult child can see the sun does not revolve around him.