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<blockquote data-quote="dashcat" data-source="post: 410841" data-attributes="member: 9175"><p>As to your first question, I've had a lot of experience with this one (and got quite a bit of help here as to how to deal with it).</p><p> </p><p>My daughter went to a small, private school in a nearby town. She did not show her difficult child tendancies until she was nearly out of school. She was active in the teen group at our church (where i am still active as a leader)_ I run into people all the time from the community who haven't seen her since she was in elementary school and we switched her to the other school, I see people from church all the time who remember her as this fun, active youth group kid AND I run into people from the private school who think her behavior at that time was a phase.</p><p> </p><p>They all ask about her and I used to struggle with the answers. When she dropped out of college in Virigina (we're in ohio) without telling us and took off to North Carolina with a guy she met on the internet, I would say (in response to "how does dashlet like college?" Oh, it wasn't for her, but then I'd hear "Is she going to the community college?" or - worse "Oh, college isn't for everyone. She'll figure it out". Then I started saying "Oh, you know how it is with teens, she's trying to find herself." For some reason, this one worked. Sometimes I roll my eyes and laugh when I say it and I get an understanding (but not) laugh in return. If they press, I just repeat "Oh, you know how they can be. It's always something." Then I deflect and ask about their kids.</p><p> </p><p>My close friends and family know the story. I want them to because I don't want any surprises.</p><p> </p><p>As to your second question, I dealt with infertility and I know it can make you a little ...crazy. It's possible she resents your daughter because she has a baby. It's possible she resents you for needing to vent. If this is the case, she's not really your friend. I had a hard time with people complaining about being pregnant. I honestly wanted to punch them, but I kept it to myself. They didn't know and they meant no harm.</p><p> </p><p>Find someone, other than her, that you can talk to. It's ok to say (even to her) "I'm not looking for advice, I just need to talk." </p><p> </p><p>You'll find, after you've been around here awhile, that most in real life people have no idea what we are going through. They think our kids should just "snap out of it", or "give her to me, I'll straighten her out" (ok. just let me know when to drop her off. good luck with that one). They don't know, becasue they've never dealt with a difficult child.</p><p> </p><p>Good luck with this.</p><p>Dash</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="dashcat, post: 410841, member: 9175"] As to your first question, I've had a lot of experience with this one (and got quite a bit of help here as to how to deal with it). My daughter went to a small, private school in a nearby town. She did not show her difficult child tendancies until she was nearly out of school. She was active in the teen group at our church (where i am still active as a leader)_ I run into people all the time from the community who haven't seen her since she was in elementary school and we switched her to the other school, I see people from church all the time who remember her as this fun, active youth group kid AND I run into people from the private school who think her behavior at that time was a phase. They all ask about her and I used to struggle with the answers. When she dropped out of college in Virigina (we're in ohio) without telling us and took off to North Carolina with a guy she met on the internet, I would say (in response to "how does dashlet like college?" Oh, it wasn't for her, but then I'd hear "Is she going to the community college?" or - worse "Oh, college isn't for everyone. She'll figure it out". Then I started saying "Oh, you know how it is with teens, she's trying to find herself." For some reason, this one worked. Sometimes I roll my eyes and laugh when I say it and I get an understanding (but not) laugh in return. If they press, I just repeat "Oh, you know how they can be. It's always something." Then I deflect and ask about their kids. My close friends and family know the story. I want them to because I don't want any surprises. As to your second question, I dealt with infertility and I know it can make you a little ...crazy. It's possible she resents your daughter because she has a baby. It's possible she resents you for needing to vent. If this is the case, she's not really your friend. I had a hard time with people complaining about being pregnant. I honestly wanted to punch them, but I kept it to myself. They didn't know and they meant no harm. Find someone, other than her, that you can talk to. It's ok to say (even to her) "I'm not looking for advice, I just need to talk." You'll find, after you've been around here awhile, that most in real life people have no idea what we are going through. They think our kids should just "snap out of it", or "give her to me, I'll straighten her out" (ok. just let me know when to drop her off. good luck with that one). They don't know, becasue they've never dealt with a difficult child. Good luck with this. Dash [/QUOTE]
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