Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Friends
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="witzend" data-source="post: 410842" data-attributes="member: 99"><p>I know how hard it is when they ask about your kids. We always just said "M's fine." If they pressed, we had rehearsed lines. </p><p></p><p>"He's between jobs." (Almost always true.)</p><p></p><p>"He's trying to get into a program at the community college." (They don't need to know that he blew his financial aid and this is never going to happen.)</p><p></p><p>"He has a place with a friend." (He's sleeping on someone's couch.)</p><p></p><p>If they ask for specifics, I tell them I'm not sure, we haven't had a chance to go into details.</p><p></p><p>As to your friend, it's possible that both of you need a break from discussing your problems (her infertility, your difficult child) and try to re-generate the things that you enjoyed doing together that wasn't part of that discussion. I know from experience that this can be very difficult. These are very personal struggles that in reality we have no control over. We can only come to our own terms with them and it's rare that anyone will understand how we get to the place where we are comfortable with what has happened or is happening. </p><p></p><p>I recently had a situation with an old friend completely fall apart because after supporting her in her 3 year divorce battle, she finally got angry at me because I told her that now that the papers were signed she needed to do things that she enjoyed, and if what she was doing made her happy she didn't need to worry about what anyone else said or thought because she is the one that is most important to her. I'm still trying to figure out how I was a bad guy for saying this. She hasn't talked to me in nearly three months and I hear that she is "never going to forgive me." For what? </p><p></p><p>I guess what I'm saying is that it's not generally a good idea to base friendships upon struggles. The struggles get old, or when they're gone, you find you really didn't have anything other than sorrow in common. It's better to base friendships upon mutually enjoyable ventures. Hopefully you and your friend can find some common ground that doesn't include those things that are so raw and unhappy for each of you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="witzend, post: 410842, member: 99"] I know how hard it is when they ask about your kids. We always just said "M's fine." If they pressed, we had rehearsed lines. "He's between jobs." (Almost always true.) "He's trying to get into a program at the community college." (They don't need to know that he blew his financial aid and this is never going to happen.) "He has a place with a friend." (He's sleeping on someone's couch.) If they ask for specifics, I tell them I'm not sure, we haven't had a chance to go into details. As to your friend, it's possible that both of you need a break from discussing your problems (her infertility, your difficult child) and try to re-generate the things that you enjoyed doing together that wasn't part of that discussion. I know from experience that this can be very difficult. These are very personal struggles that in reality we have no control over. We can only come to our own terms with them and it's rare that anyone will understand how we get to the place where we are comfortable with what has happened or is happening. I recently had a situation with an old friend completely fall apart because after supporting her in her 3 year divorce battle, she finally got angry at me because I told her that now that the papers were signed she needed to do things that she enjoyed, and if what she was doing made her happy she didn't need to worry about what anyone else said or thought because she is the one that is most important to her. I'm still trying to figure out how I was a bad guy for saying this. She hasn't talked to me in nearly three months and I hear that she is "never going to forgive me." For what? I guess what I'm saying is that it's not generally a good idea to base friendships upon struggles. The struggles get old, or when they're gone, you find you really didn't have anything other than sorrow in common. It's better to base friendships upon mutually enjoyable ventures. Hopefully you and your friend can find some common ground that doesn't include those things that are so raw and unhappy for each of you. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Friends
Top