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From bad to worse...much, much worse.
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 655564" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>Ha! You sound like me. I get where you are coming from about the broken family, Lil. But here's the thing: There are all kinds of ways for family to be. You and Jabber are facing challenges you're only just learning to cope with. There's an unbelievability factor associated with it. It was a really, unexpectedly, unimaginably bad night. I think you responded well. It is never wrong to try anything, everything, to save the kids from themselves. There is a kind of honest desperation in it, when things like this happen, that pierces through illusion. I am glad you and Jabber were there for your son, and I am glad the police were there to help you.</p><p></p><p>And I am sorry the outcome was so croppy. </p><p></p><p>This is your family.</p><p></p><p>This is what it looks like. This is what it feels like. Though he is troubled or using or just being a general jerk right now, that is your son.</p><p></p><p>You are his mother. </p><p></p><p>Jabber is his father. </p><p></p><p>That will never change.</p><p></p><p>It just doesn't look like your family.</p><p></p><p>Lil? It would be easier if we could just stop loving them. If we could just be all cold-hearted and logical about things. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>For me, those feelings revolved around who my kids should have had in their lives instead of who they did have. I will say our son has either stayed out of relationship or has had truly incredible women in his life. There have only been two that he brought home. One of them I still miss and I cherish the one he has created his family with, now.</p><p></p><p>Hugging her is like hugging an armful of flowers. She is that gentle and kind. </p><p>I wonder sometimes (most of the time, actually) what she sees in my son.</p><p></p><p>Bad Cedar!</p><p></p><p>There has only been one time when he came here with someone who made no sense. He had fallen very far by that time. After that was over, he talked to me about it, once. He could not believe where he'd been, or with whom, either.</p><p></p><p>But drug use is drug use, and everything it touches is destroyed. Families and moms and sons, too.</p><p></p><p>I think what happened Lil is that, somewhere in the heart of you, you wondered how this woman was able to shelter and assist and interact with your son, how it was that she had taken him in when the time is so short before June and he had lessons you and Jabber were trying to teach him ~ all that stuff gets twisted up, when we are the mom. There is always that desperate sense of time pressure; there is somehow always that utter belief that this is all going to stop.</p><p></p><p>That it's going to be alright, and we all will wake up.</p><p></p><p>I have passionately hated more people I don't know for the sakes of my kids than I can shake a stick at.</p><p></p><p>I love to hate them, actually.</p><p></p><p>:O)</p><p></p><p>Now you know that not only was she not able to reach and to help your son somehow when you could not, but that you were right all along and she had no business interfering in the lessons you and Jabber were trying to teach your son. All that stuff is tumbling over and over inside us when we see the women who have taken our sons in.</p><p></p><p>The sight of her brought her down to human level in your eyes.</p><p></p><p>There was a mom who took my son in, once, when he was very young.</p><p></p><p>You could tell she had zero respect for me.</p><p></p><p>She too, turned out to be only a human.</p><p></p><p>I never do see straight where my kids are concerned. There is a dissonance between how sure I was everything would look and what everything actually looks like. I trip over it all the time. </p><p> </p><p>All I know at the end of the day is that this is my family.</p><p></p><p>There really isn't any more to know.</p><p></p><p>We will all get through this. I am trying very hard to change.</p><p></p><p>Sometimes, I feel like that really old mother in the Grapes of Wrath.</p><p></p><p>Who could have predicted that the very soil, that the very ground we were standing on, could blow out from under our feet?</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 655564, member: 17461"] Ha! You sound like me. I get where you are coming from about the broken family, Lil. But here's the thing: There are all kinds of ways for family to be. You and Jabber are facing challenges you're only just learning to cope with. There's an unbelievability factor associated with it. It was a really, unexpectedly, unimaginably bad night. I think you responded well. It is never wrong to try anything, everything, to save the kids from themselves. There is a kind of honest desperation in it, when things like this happen, that pierces through illusion. I am glad you and Jabber were there for your son, and I am glad the police were there to help you. And I am sorry the outcome was so croppy. This is your family. This is what it looks like. This is what it feels like. Though he is troubled or using or just being a general jerk right now, that is your son. You are his mother. Jabber is his father. That will never change. It just doesn't look like your family. Lil? It would be easier if we could just stop loving them. If we could just be all cold-hearted and logical about things. For me, those feelings revolved around who my kids should have had in their lives instead of who they did have. I will say our son has either stayed out of relationship or has had truly incredible women in his life. There have only been two that he brought home. One of them I still miss and I cherish the one he has created his family with, now. Hugging her is like hugging an armful of flowers. She is that gentle and kind. I wonder sometimes (most of the time, actually) what she sees in my son. Bad Cedar! There has only been one time when he came here with someone who made no sense. He had fallen very far by that time. After that was over, he talked to me about it, once. He could not believe where he'd been, or with whom, either. But drug use is drug use, and everything it touches is destroyed. Families and moms and sons, too. I think what happened Lil is that, somewhere in the heart of you, you wondered how this woman was able to shelter and assist and interact with your son, how it was that she had taken him in when the time is so short before June and he had lessons you and Jabber were trying to teach him ~ all that stuff gets twisted up, when we are the mom. There is always that desperate sense of time pressure; there is somehow always that utter belief that this is all going to stop. That it's going to be alright, and we all will wake up. I have passionately hated more people I don't know for the sakes of my kids than I can shake a stick at. I love to hate them, actually. :O) Now you know that not only was she not able to reach and to help your son somehow when you could not, but that you were right all along and she had no business interfering in the lessons you and Jabber were trying to teach your son. All that stuff is tumbling over and over inside us when we see the women who have taken our sons in. The sight of her brought her down to human level in your eyes. There was a mom who took my son in, once, when he was very young. You could tell she had zero respect for me. She too, turned out to be only a human. I never do see straight where my kids are concerned. There is a dissonance between how sure I was everything would look and what everything actually looks like. I trip over it all the time. All I know at the end of the day is that this is my family. There really isn't any more to know. We will all get through this. I am trying very hard to change. Sometimes, I feel like that really old mother in the Grapes of Wrath. Who could have predicted that the very soil, that the very ground we were standing on, could blow out from under our feet? Cedar [/QUOTE]
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