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Frustrated and trying to stay detached
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<blockquote data-quote="dashcat" data-source="post: 391447" data-attributes="member: 9175"><p>Oh, Star, you are so right. I have my own kind of magical thinking when it comes to my difficult child. I can so relate to your ant and grasshopper analogy. I watched my two sisters raise nine great kids into adulthood. And those kids are now sending their kids to college, grad school, internships.... I thought all I had to do was model good behavior, be there in a meaningful way, sacrifice, be loving, honest and firm... just like my parents, my sisters and my inlaws. </p><p> </p><p>In my magical thinking, my difficult child's behavior was temporary. Surely the divorce rocked her world as it did mine. Surely her curiousity about her adoption plays into this ... but surely, SURELY, she'd come back to her raising.... surely she'd see that lying has huge consequences, that her friends and cousins are having the time of their lives at college and that she is bright and capable and could be there, too. Surely she'd realize that, when you blow nearly 3,000 on living in a hotel with a loser, unemployed, abusive, moron you knew only for DAYS before deciding to play house with him, that mom isn't going to write a check to buy you a car ....</p><p> </p><p>So I am now where many of you have been - and I suspect, many revisit at different stages .... I am in the facing reality stage.</p><p> </p><p>A diagnosis would help, certainly, but I can do nothing about that until she is ready. I guess it's the same thing as when I discovered my husband's affair. I had all sorts of evidence; phone records, love letters, even pictures he took of her in my home (she was clothed, but stilll...). He denied, denied, denied. I was the crazy one for misreading this platonic friendship.... I launched into the full Nancy Drew and, finally, my todoc said to me "Dash, why are you trying to prove what you already know?"</p><p> </p><p>I know my difficult child is dealing with something - be it BiPolar (BP) or Borderline, whatever. It's there. It's the real world. And all the magical thinking in the world isn't going to change that.</p><p> </p><p>Dash</p><p> </p><p>(and, star, let's just pray they never meet!!!!)</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="dashcat, post: 391447, member: 9175"] Oh, Star, you are so right. I have my own kind of magical thinking when it comes to my difficult child. I can so relate to your ant and grasshopper analogy. I watched my two sisters raise nine great kids into adulthood. And those kids are now sending their kids to college, grad school, internships.... I thought all I had to do was model good behavior, be there in a meaningful way, sacrifice, be loving, honest and firm... just like my parents, my sisters and my inlaws. In my magical thinking, my difficult child's behavior was temporary. Surely the divorce rocked her world as it did mine. Surely her curiousity about her adoption plays into this ... but surely, SURELY, she'd come back to her raising.... surely she'd see that lying has huge consequences, that her friends and cousins are having the time of their lives at college and that she is bright and capable and could be there, too. Surely she'd realize that, when you blow nearly 3,000 on living in a hotel with a loser, unemployed, abusive, moron you knew only for DAYS before deciding to play house with him, that mom isn't going to write a check to buy you a car .... So I am now where many of you have been - and I suspect, many revisit at different stages .... I am in the facing reality stage. A diagnosis would help, certainly, but I can do nothing about that until she is ready. I guess it's the same thing as when I discovered my husband's affair. I had all sorts of evidence; phone records, love letters, even pictures he took of her in my home (she was clothed, but stilll...). He denied, denied, denied. I was the crazy one for misreading this platonic friendship.... I launched into the full Nancy Drew and, finally, my todoc said to me "Dash, why are you trying to prove what you already know?" I know my difficult child is dealing with something - be it BiPolar (BP) or Borderline, whatever. It's there. It's the real world. And all the magical thinking in the world isn't going to change that. Dash (and, star, let's just pray they never meet!!!!) [/QUOTE]
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