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Frustrated with 2 issues....
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 108591" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Kjs, you're dead right. "What led up to this?" is a very important question.</p><p></p><p>The local school here is trying something called "restorative justice". I was invited to attend the orientation night even though difficult child 3 no longer attends here. However, kids that DO attend this school are the ones who hassle him after school and who have beaten him up in unprovoked attacks, so we know how well it's working (not). A big point to 'restorative justice' as it was being 'sold' to the school, was to deal with the presenting problem and not go into blame or cause. I immediately challenged this and got nowhere. I feel you can't have justice while there are unresolved issues, and when a kid like difficult child 3 lashes out as a result of ongoing provocation, and the provocation is not dealt with, then the problem has not been dealt with and will recur.</p><p></p><p>This happened time and time again, purely because it was NOT dealt with properly. And our local 'darlings' attack again and again, because what I have requested - a face to face meeting with the kids and parents to explain that this is unacceptable and unnecessary, has not happened. The main causative factor in our case - the local kids are bored and idle, unsupervised and uncontrolled. They are not bad kids, but they are rapidly turning bad from lack of follow-through and teaching them that their behaviour is wrong.</p><p></p><p>And it's the same thing with schools that make some kids easy scapegoats - in the long run, the problems escalate. If your child is a combined bullying target and also a discipline target, he will never get on OK until attitudes change, because the bad behaviour is also learned behaviour and every time your difficult child is unfairly punished, the real culprits get a positive payoff which teaches them to continue their bad behaviour.</p><p></p><p>So keep asking the awkward questions. Don't let them treat your son unfairly. Fair enough to be punished, but punishment needs to be fairly applied and not just handed out by guesswork.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 108591, member: 1991"] Kjs, you're dead right. "What led up to this?" is a very important question. The local school here is trying something called "restorative justice". I was invited to attend the orientation night even though difficult child 3 no longer attends here. However, kids that DO attend this school are the ones who hassle him after school and who have beaten him up in unprovoked attacks, so we know how well it's working (not). A big point to 'restorative justice' as it was being 'sold' to the school, was to deal with the presenting problem and not go into blame or cause. I immediately challenged this and got nowhere. I feel you can't have justice while there are unresolved issues, and when a kid like difficult child 3 lashes out as a result of ongoing provocation, and the provocation is not dealt with, then the problem has not been dealt with and will recur. This happened time and time again, purely because it was NOT dealt with properly. And our local 'darlings' attack again and again, because what I have requested - a face to face meeting with the kids and parents to explain that this is unacceptable and unnecessary, has not happened. The main causative factor in our case - the local kids are bored and idle, unsupervised and uncontrolled. They are not bad kids, but they are rapidly turning bad from lack of follow-through and teaching them that their behaviour is wrong. And it's the same thing with schools that make some kids easy scapegoats - in the long run, the problems escalate. If your child is a combined bullying target and also a discipline target, he will never get on OK until attitudes change, because the bad behaviour is also learned behaviour and every time your difficult child is unfairly punished, the real culprits get a positive payoff which teaches them to continue their bad behaviour. So keep asking the awkward questions. Don't let them treat your son unfairly. Fair enough to be punished, but punishment needs to be fairly applied and not just handed out by guesswork. Marg [/QUOTE]
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