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Frustrated With easy child
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 526872" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>First of all, I am TOTALLY against ANY and EVERY child being made to give up recess to do unfinished work. Why? Kids NEED time to go run around and burn off energy - regardless of whether they are easy child or difficult child or adhd or alphabet soup. A few years back our state legislature took this away from the schools - kids ALL were required to go OUTSIDE to recess every single day during elem school except in certain weather/air quality conditions. Bad behavior and unfinished work were NOT reasons they could take recess away for. </p><p></p><p>Instead of making them work or sit inside during recess, our local school implemented Walk and Talk. W&T is having the kids walk around the perimeter of the playground for the entire recess or for the amt of time they are not allowed to play freely. Kids who just want to do W&T or want to walk and talk with a friend are welcome to do so with-o penalty even if the friend is on W&T for behavior/homework reasons. The kids who get to school before the building is open (early drop off from buses or parents but before the teachers are all there and ready to supervise them inside the building) do W&T in the morning before school and afterschool while waiting for the buses. </p><p></p><p>At first the teachers HATED this, esp the older ones who were set in their ways. By Halloween? They LOVED W&T. Why? Kids were better behaved in the classroom because they worked out that energy! Plus they know they will never not be allowed to talk at recess so they are less chatty during lessons and work times. It really has had a HUGE positive effect on the entire school for quite a few years now. So I would NOT allow the homework to take away recess. </p><p></p><p>Given the difference between home and school, have you looked at what kind of influence difficult child's behavior may be having on easy child? It would be rational and normal for easy child to see difficult child not having to do homework by being a difficult child and then to figure out that if he (easy child) is disruptive or refuses or is a PITA then he can get out of it also. It also seems quite logical that maybe all the tension and disruption of having a difficult child sibling is adding so much stress to easy child at home that he really needs to not have the stress of homework to have to do while difficult child is being a difficult child. Sometimes having a difficult child sibling can really make it nearly impossible to focus on studying/homework, and this happens all the time, not just when difficult child is actually having a meltdown or problem. The tension of walking on eggshells and knowing Mom is super tense or walking on eggshells can create so much tension in a sibling that even though they are easy child they simply are UNABLE to study or focus at home. </p><p></p><p>How do I know? I used to DREAD having to study at home because I was ALWAYS waiting for my brother to blow up or get angry or to find out whatever lie he had told my parents to get me into trouble. I would be fine at school and then be totally unable to cope at home because my bro was there or woudl be there soon. This is one of the things that is so hard adn so horrible about having a difficult child sibling. Wow. Just thinkng/typing this makes that old tension and dread creep up - the way i used to feel as I was on the bus going home and then walking home from the bus. It wasn't that my bro was always having a meltdown/rage/tizzy/scheme/whatever. It was that I simply could NOT count on him to NOT have one, so I was ALWAYS waiting for that other shoe to drop. </p><p></p><p>Then there is the fact that easy child might be working super hard to keep it together and do the right thing all day at school and this is getting harder and harder the older he gets. After working that hard all during school, by the time easy child gets home he might be plum out of ability to focus and do the homework. He could just be too frazzled to cope f he is having troubles at school that no one is picking up on yet. (Sensory and processing problems can be totally missed or compensated for in earlier grades but it gets harder as the schoolwork does.)</p><p></p><p>Is there an afterschool study group or supervised tutoring at school that easy child could go to in order to get his homework done?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 526872, member: 1233"] First of all, I am TOTALLY against ANY and EVERY child being made to give up recess to do unfinished work. Why? Kids NEED time to go run around and burn off energy - regardless of whether they are easy child or difficult child or adhd or alphabet soup. A few years back our state legislature took this away from the schools - kids ALL were required to go OUTSIDE to recess every single day during elem school except in certain weather/air quality conditions. Bad behavior and unfinished work were NOT reasons they could take recess away for. Instead of making them work or sit inside during recess, our local school implemented Walk and Talk. W&T is having the kids walk around the perimeter of the playground for the entire recess or for the amt of time they are not allowed to play freely. Kids who just want to do W&T or want to walk and talk with a friend are welcome to do so with-o penalty even if the friend is on W&T for behavior/homework reasons. The kids who get to school before the building is open (early drop off from buses or parents but before the teachers are all there and ready to supervise them inside the building) do W&T in the morning before school and afterschool while waiting for the buses. At first the teachers HATED this, esp the older ones who were set in their ways. By Halloween? They LOVED W&T. Why? Kids were better behaved in the classroom because they worked out that energy! Plus they know they will never not be allowed to talk at recess so they are less chatty during lessons and work times. It really has had a HUGE positive effect on the entire school for quite a few years now. So I would NOT allow the homework to take away recess. Given the difference between home and school, have you looked at what kind of influence difficult child's behavior may be having on easy child? It would be rational and normal for easy child to see difficult child not having to do homework by being a difficult child and then to figure out that if he (easy child) is disruptive or refuses or is a PITA then he can get out of it also. It also seems quite logical that maybe all the tension and disruption of having a difficult child sibling is adding so much stress to easy child at home that he really needs to not have the stress of homework to have to do while difficult child is being a difficult child. Sometimes having a difficult child sibling can really make it nearly impossible to focus on studying/homework, and this happens all the time, not just when difficult child is actually having a meltdown or problem. The tension of walking on eggshells and knowing Mom is super tense or walking on eggshells can create so much tension in a sibling that even though they are easy child they simply are UNABLE to study or focus at home. How do I know? I used to DREAD having to study at home because I was ALWAYS waiting for my brother to blow up or get angry or to find out whatever lie he had told my parents to get me into trouble. I would be fine at school and then be totally unable to cope at home because my bro was there or woudl be there soon. This is one of the things that is so hard adn so horrible about having a difficult child sibling. Wow. Just thinkng/typing this makes that old tension and dread creep up - the way i used to feel as I was on the bus going home and then walking home from the bus. It wasn't that my bro was always having a meltdown/rage/tizzy/scheme/whatever. It was that I simply could NOT count on him to NOT have one, so I was ALWAYS waiting for that other shoe to drop. Then there is the fact that easy child might be working super hard to keep it together and do the right thing all day at school and this is getting harder and harder the older he gets. After working that hard all during school, by the time easy child gets home he might be plum out of ability to focus and do the homework. He could just be too frazzled to cope f he is having troubles at school that no one is picking up on yet. (Sensory and processing problems can be totally missed or compensated for in earlier grades but it gets harder as the schoolwork does.) Is there an afterschool study group or supervised tutoring at school that easy child could go to in order to get his homework done? [/QUOTE]
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