Frustrated

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by SnowAngel, Aug 25, 2007.

  1. SnowAngel

    SnowAngel New Member

    My family thinks I don't discipline my children enough and that is why my 9 yr old is out of control.He is a real challenge for me.I tried explaining to the school about his behavior and I felt it was left on deaf ears.

    My 9 yr old runs the house.I wake up and within 20 minutes he is hitting,yelling,throwing things,breaking his glasses,spitting in the other kids' cereal bowls and being absolutely disrespectful.In July he tried stabbing himself and then tried jumping off my balcony.The crisis center said that because he was eating a hot dog when I called it was not a crisis.A month latter he attacked my 10 yr old and left his chest,legs,arms and back bloody from his nails.He was admitted for 23 hour observation..but they never saw any mood changes.They did say he shows no remorse.His doctor said I had to stay with him 24/7.I ended up loosing my job.I also lost our apartment and had to move in with my mother who is raising 3 grandkids(Who are ODD,Mood Disorder and 1 MR)with her husband.My son also had a bad reaction to Abilify and it temporarily paralized half his body.The doctor put him on Seroquel and he had a milder reaction so they added the Benztropine.My ex cant seem to understand and doesnt even try to obtain more information about the disorders.He says he cant understand something he doesnt have.I get so mad because I dont get out by myself.I dont have friends because the ones I had criticized me for doing everything wrong.I am fighting the school to test my boys but it takes time as they say.We moved to a different county so my sons services he was receiving are not going to transfer to his new doctor.I know I am extremely lucky to have 6 children but this roller coaster can stop anytime now.
     
  2. AllStressedOut

    AllStressedOut New Member

    Wow! I wish I knew what advice to give. The only thing that comes to mind is an ER visit for him to be admitted into the psychiatric area. I'm so sorry for what you're going through! I know how hard it is with 6 kids, half difficult children. I'm lucky, we're going through a good spell right now. You found a great board for support!
     
  3. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Well, you have a support system now! It's really pretty slow on the weekends but more will stop to say hi!

    If you have school questions, hop on the Special Education forum! They can help out a lot!

    I'll write tomorrow, (when there's nobody driving me nuts!).

    Welcome to the club!!

    Beth
     
  4. SnowAngel

    SnowAngel New Member

    Thank you so much.It gets so overwhelming at times.I just dont understand why people on the outside are so quick to judge.My kids are extremely challenging every day.I had a counselor ask me if there was some place I could take him because of his behavior.She kept on and on about how inappropriate his behavior is.Duh,I guess she thought I was on vacation during his crazy moments.She even asked if I would consider foster care.I was so angry.
     
  5. AllStressedOut

    AllStressedOut New Member

    Before I had my difficult children, I was one of those ignorant parents living in the bliss I didn't appreciate that was all easy child. It took me having my own difficult children and doing my damndest to parent them the way I thought they needed, structure, strict discipline, solid back bone, yada yada yada. I've had my difficult children for a little more than 4 years now and while they have improved greatly, they're still difficult children.

    Next time someone like that says something to you, try to remember they live in a perfect world with easy children for a reason. God knew better than to give them kids like ours because he knew they couldn't handle them!

    I think about people who've done things with their lives that are amazing who had mental disorders. Abraham Lincoln had severe depression. Beethoven and Van Gogh were bipolar. More recently, and I just love this guy with his adorable dimples, but the guy who plays Sonny Corenthos on General Hospital is bipolar in real life and in the show, they wrote it in after he made it known to the public. Many think Albert Einstein was autistic.
     
  6. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Hi Desari, wow, 6 kids! I am so sorry about your 9-yr0old difficult child running the house. He's pretty wild. At least you found one dr willing to give him medications, even if they're not the best ones right now. Do you have child psychologist to help you both? Will difficult child go with-you to appts? (At the beginning stages, bribery works well, but you can't do it forever.):) My difficult child has calmed down a lot but it has taken yrs of effort. He's only been on Adderal and it really, really helps. with-o it, he's like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, very much like your son. It sounds like your 9-yr-old's ADHD is not under control, in addition to his other mood disorders, and that since he's so innattentive, behavior modification isn't going to go anywhere. Our difficult child finally started to learn once he was on his medications, so even when he's off of them (only 1 day at a time!), it's still a lot better than it was a yr ago. A lot of it is about consistency and consequences, as well as our own behavior and not overreacting.
    What is your routine in the morning? How do you react when he spits into the other kids' cereal bowls?
    I don't see by your bio that you're on anything. I hate to push medications, :smile: but I'd recommend it for you at this point. You really have your hands full, and so does your mom, and you can't afford to lose any ground.
    Stay with-us here ... there are a lot of experienced people and this is a welcome place.
     
  7. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Welcome :flower:

    I'm so glad you found us.

    You certainly have your hands full. I'm not sure I could manage 6 easy child's. lol

    Hang in there. You've landed in a truely great place.

    (((hugs)))
     
  8. Kjs

    Kjs Guest

    wow, you have your hands full. Be sure to visit spec. ed. forum for school advice.

    We have tried several different medications before finding one that works for us. Still difficult child, just more managable. Definately has his moments. (days)

    Hope you get some relief, and some time for yourself.

    Many wise warrior moms will be along to give you great advice. Hang in there.
     
  9. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Clearly, your difficult child is not stable and needs intensive help. Has his Depakote blood level been measured recently? If it's not in a therapeutic range, it might not be helping. Furthermore, it might not be the right mood stabilizer, or he might need a second mood stabilizer to augment. Please talk to the prescribing doctor about the problems he's experiencing. Is your difficult child in therapy?
     
  10. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Welcome! Your 9yo difficult child sounds like a handfull for sure. I do not think you should be so angry about the foster care comment. It is not a permanent placement. Some foster care homes are specifically set up help difficult children. It may not be fair to your other children to keep him in the same household. Look what they have already had to give up due to his behavior. They are going to start resenting him.

    Is Dex a responsible guy? Perhaps difficult child could stay with him for a spell. He sure would get to see what you are talking about then. Maybe not right away, but within 6 months he would be showing his true self to dad. Are there kids in dad's household?

    Seriously, your other children are being abused by him - perhaps you are, too.

    Nobody should have to live that way. And he should not have to look back on his childhood years and realize as an adult what he did to you all as a child.
     
  11. SnowAngel

    SnowAngel New Member

    He does go to the appts with me.We just moved 2 weeks ago to a different county.We did our intake and are waiting for a CFT appointment to be assigned a therapist.Our old dr gave him extra medications to hold us over till his appointment with the psychiatric dr in Sept.The kids are in bed by 8pm and up at 5am.They get dressed,make beds and pick out their cereal to eat.After eating they each put away their cereal,rinse out their bowls and place them in the wife.My parents leave at 5am for work and dont get home till 7:30pm.I am responsible for fixing hair,assisting with dressing and reminding of anything they forget.My niece is 9 but mentally 5 and needs lots of assistance.I have watched him in the morning and I think he starts things deliberatly when the morning is running smoothly.Friday he refused to go to school so I drove him but I had to carry him into the office.He threatened to run away(has gotten a block away from school before)that day at school so the principal had him watched.After breakfast the kids find backpacks for a homework check.If they have time left they read or play air hockey.At 6:20 we walk to the bus.

    I do feel like he is Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.He is so sweet and caring at times and then he is breaking things for no reason.He had blood work 2 wks ago but havent heard the results.He has seen a therapist for 3 yrs and I feel it is worse than when we started.I do know this is unfair and not easy for the others in the house.I am not sure what to do anymore.I have tried charts,rewards,time outs,reduced play station time,no tv,no desert,giving him quiet space,stricter schedules,tried no medications with modified diet,calm voice approach and the only thing that works when he is out of control is to chase him down,scoop him up and hold him while he is kicking & screaming until he is exhausted.I follow everything the therapists and dr's say but it seems that nothing has helped.

    Dex is not responsible.He physically abused 2 of the boys.He did get charged with a felony and that is why we arent together.He however had visitation rights until their psychiatric dr said he couldnt have contact.Dex is single and extremely selfish.My son needed new shoes and he told him he didnt have money because the Harley needed saddle bags.Yeah,he already had those.

    I will ask about help for myself.All my focus and energy go to the younger 2.I sometimes feel like I am slipping away from myself and the things I used to enjoy.Thanks for all of the suggestions.
     
  12. Sara PA

    Sara PA New Member

    Does anyone else wonder why more interest isn't being shown by the researchers and professionals in the behaviors/diagnoses/disorders in extended families? When I see the list of disorders in siblings and extended families that gets posted here, I can't help thinking that something is being missed, something which would make diagnosis and treatment far easier.
     
  13. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Well, you've certainly got a routine! So sorry about your DEX. Yes, at this point, I would surely focus on yourself. Be gentle with-yourself.
     
  14. ck1

    ck1 New Member

    I know it's hard, but I agree with busywend. If the rest of the family is suffering because of youngest difficult child's behavior, he needs to live somewhere else. Last year, my difficult child was admitted to psychiatric hospital for one week after threatening to commit suicide. The psychiatrist and SW asked me if there was somewhere else he could live if his problem behavior continued. I was horrified and adamant that he must remain at home. You know what...I was very wrong. We put up with it, argued almost daily, and tried to make it work for a few more months but when he failed every subject in school, he went off to boarding school.

    The boarding school decision may not be for everyone, but, the psychiatrist also explained that this kind of thing has happened for a long time. Did you ever hear of stories of a great uncle or grandparent went off to live with his aunt or cousin or whatever? Probably because his behavior forced this to happen. The rest of the family should not have to suffer. Just a thought...every option needs to be considered, especially if difficult child is violent. Sending hugs...
     
  15. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Welcome.
    You've found an excellent support system here. Lots of people with so much experience, good advice and support to offer.

    I agree with busywend and cathyk_1 about being a "family of different addresses" if that's what's best for all of you. For you, for your other children, and for your difficult child it's definitely worth considering.

    My difficult child (17, Aspergers, ODD, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), possibly PTSD) just returned from a 2-month Residential Treatment Center (RTC) placement. It was truly amazing for him...he thrived in such a tightly controlled environment, and was a much happier boy for it. Things have been h*ll on wheels since he's been back home, and we're looking for a long-term, possibly permanent place for him now. difficult child pines for the Residential Treatment Center (RTC), my SO's health issues (which had improved tremendously in the short time difficult child was away) are back to square one, and everything else is going off the rails in only 1 1/2 weeks since he's been back with us.

    It was a hard and painful decision, but SO and I have realized that for difficult child's and our family's sake, he needs to live elsewhere, with the full support that an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) can offer him.

    I also agree that you need to take care of yourself. If you're not strong and healthy, then you can't be there for your difficult children or your PCs.

    You will get great advice and support here.
    All the best,
    Trinity
     
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