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General Parenting
Frustrating Morning With difficult child
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<blockquote data-quote="Malika" data-source="post: 566412" data-attributes="member: 11227"><p>Hi Bunny. Sorry you had One of Those Mornings. Just to make it clear from the outset... my post is going to be one to file under Easy to Say from the Outside, okay?</p><p></p><p></p><p>Is there any chance the conversation could have gone like this:</p><p></p><p>difficult child: I want you to make me those caramel bars I like!</p><p>Bunny: Oh really? Yes, you really like those, huh?</p><p>difficult child: Yeah, Mum, I really like them. Can you make them?</p><p>Bunny: Not today, I'm afraid difficult child! There's something I want to make for my friend who's coming over. Another time, maybe...</p><p>difficult child: Oh... but I like them!</p><p>easy child: Mum said she can't make them, difficult child.</p><p>Bunny: That's okay, easy child. difficult child understands that - he's just telling us how much he likes them!</p><p></p><p>If you are thinking to yourself as you read that, "This woman doesn't understand a thing", forget I ever said anything... But I wonder if your difficult child is anything like mine? Mine is INCREDIBLY sensitive to how he is spoken to and affectionate respect can get quite surprising results sometimes. I think one gets into a real cycle that escalates the defiance and rudeness - one understandably reacts to what seems like selfishness or demands and this in turn increases difficult child's feelings of being disliked and ignored, which makes him ruder, and the adult more annoyed, and so on. </p><p></p><p>As I say, if this doesn't apply to your case at all, please discard it.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Malika, post: 566412, member: 11227"] Hi Bunny. Sorry you had One of Those Mornings. Just to make it clear from the outset... my post is going to be one to file under Easy to Say from the Outside, okay? Is there any chance the conversation could have gone like this: difficult child: I want you to make me those caramel bars I like! Bunny: Oh really? Yes, you really like those, huh? difficult child: Yeah, Mum, I really like them. Can you make them? Bunny: Not today, I'm afraid difficult child! There's something I want to make for my friend who's coming over. Another time, maybe... difficult child: Oh... but I like them! easy child: Mum said she can't make them, difficult child. Bunny: That's okay, easy child. difficult child understands that - he's just telling us how much he likes them! If you are thinking to yourself as you read that, "This woman doesn't understand a thing", forget I ever said anything... But I wonder if your difficult child is anything like mine? Mine is INCREDIBLY sensitive to how he is spoken to and affectionate respect can get quite surprising results sometimes. I think one gets into a real cycle that escalates the defiance and rudeness - one understandably reacts to what seems like selfishness or demands and this in turn increases difficult child's feelings of being disliked and ignored, which makes him ruder, and the adult more annoyed, and so on. As I say, if this doesn't apply to your case at all, please discard it. [/QUOTE]
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