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General Parenting
Full time Stepmum In Need of Support
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<blockquote data-quote="meowbunny" data-source="post: 108196" data-attributes="member: 3626"><p>It sounds like the acting out at school started after or soon before the baby was born. Is that correct? If so, I imagine there are a lot of issues and fears going on -- the baby might get sick, the baby might die, she'll be shunted into the background again.</p><p></p><p>It also sounds like the only way she got attention when her sister was alive was by acting out. She's had to put up with a lot in her short life and I'm sure she feels she's been cheated.</p><p></p><p>Somehow, your husband has to learn how to father her with a lot more patience and a lot less yelling. Consistency is crucial. It sounds like you are very consistent and her bio parents are very inconsistent. There may have to be a meeting of all adults with some very firm rules laid down and, if an adult refuses or cannot follow these rules, they may have to step down for awhile in seeing her. If possible, get everyone to read The Explosive Child. It may open a few eyes and help them to parent her in a different manner.</p><p></p><p>I truly believe step-parenting is the most thankless job there is. You have an ex second-guessing and frequently undermining everything you do. You can't feel like she is truly your own daughter because the other parent is still in the picture, so part of you keeps a distance. It is a hard job and your job sounds even harder since you are the only adult she seems to respect.</p><p></p><p>I hope you find some answers as to what is bothering her and why the behavior is escalating. Best wishes.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="meowbunny, post: 108196, member: 3626"] It sounds like the acting out at school started after or soon before the baby was born. Is that correct? If so, I imagine there are a lot of issues and fears going on -- the baby might get sick, the baby might die, she'll be shunted into the background again. It also sounds like the only way she got attention when her sister was alive was by acting out. She's had to put up with a lot in her short life and I'm sure she feels she's been cheated. Somehow, your husband has to learn how to father her with a lot more patience and a lot less yelling. Consistency is crucial. It sounds like you are very consistent and her bio parents are very inconsistent. There may have to be a meeting of all adults with some very firm rules laid down and, if an adult refuses or cannot follow these rules, they may have to step down for awhile in seeing her. If possible, get everyone to read The Explosive Child. It may open a few eyes and help them to parent her in a different manner. I truly believe step-parenting is the most thankless job there is. You have an ex second-guessing and frequently undermining everything you do. You can't feel like she is truly your own daughter because the other parent is still in the picture, so part of you keeps a distance. It is a hard job and your job sounds even harder since you are the only adult she seems to respect. I hope you find some answers as to what is bothering her and why the behavior is escalating. Best wishes. [/QUOTE]
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